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My mother is a narcissist. She and I never had a great relationship so I basically left our parent's house as soon as I legally could. Our relationship has always been strained, but I always supported her until I moved by myself to another country. She's asked me several times for money, me and my ex-husband (who was abusive btw, but that's a story for another time...) paid off her (considerable) debt after my father passed away, and paid for her accommodation and plane tickets to visit and stay with us in another country for a couple of weeks (which was super expensive).
She lives in a house that I am supposed to inherit one day. Today, she sent me an email with calculations for monthly expenses for the maintenance of the house that she wants me to pay monthly from now on. It isn't a huge amount, but just the sheer fact that she wants me to pay her money while she lives comfortably with minimum spending has me floored. She even had the audacity to claim that she has "never asked me for anything" and that now it's my turn to pay the fees "she's been paying for the last ten years". She doesn't even want me to pay the real estate agency but to send the money directly to her own bank account. When I confirmed this with her, she even asked me if I had a problem with it.
Mind you, she's in retirement, she lives comfortably with enough money not only to support herself, but her two cats she's recently got (one of them is purebred and very high maintenance), smoke and drink daily, AND have a savings account. So it's not like she really needs the money, she only asked me about it now because I recently told her about a good-paying gig I got.
Anyway, I'm feeling so distressed right now. I'm angry, sad, and I feel deeply betrayed. I did so many things for her, but clearly nothing was ever enough. It's clear to me now that she never actually loved me, all she cared about was the money. I'm seriously considering just cutting her off and going no contact with her. I can't believe she can ask her own daughter for money while she has enough on her own. What do you think ladies? Have you ever been in a situation like this? Please tell me my feelings and cutting her off are justified. I don't even want to talk to her right now, I'm so done.
She's using you — cut her off financially.
Nothing you do will ever be good enough, nothing you give her will ever be enough.
What she's doing is abusive and manipulative, and we both know she'll never give you a red cent when she dies. Don't get sucked in chasing a cash carrot, she LOVES the feeling of power.
I have a piece of shit mom like this too, and cutting her off is the best thing you can do for your mental health. They'll get old and decrepid and you will have the last laugh. All the money in the world can't protect them from the seeds they sowed themselves. Let her rot alone.
She smokes and drinks daily.
She is an addict and will behave accordingly.
Almost exactly the same situation you are in but with my half brother and enabling mother. My brother and I have different fathers and when my dad died I basically inherited a piece of land and a house with my mom in South America. My brother moves quickly, meaning he cleared my dads bank account while he wasn’t in the ground yet. Then he moved within that year to South America and moved into the house without talking to me about it. My mom condoned it for years.
My brother couldn’t stand the fact I inherited it legally (he owns nothing). He tried to convince the South American government that he was the natural son of my father and not me. It didn’t work because it was fraude.
He started working on the house, he was living in rent free, and is now asking me for money because he “improved” my house. People tried to explain him that he improved someone else’s house at his own risk and he get really mad.
He is manipulating my mom to set up a legal construction where he become share holder of the house. It will give him a veto right if I ever want to sell the house or move in myself. I told her to fuck off. She asks me every month or so to let her son become part of this legal ownership, she needs my permission (since we are both co-owners) but I refuse. I think it is enough that he is living rent free in the tropics while on an European income. Most people can only dream of that.
For backgrounds: my brother assaulted me my whole childhood and my mom did nothing. She was glad it wasn’t her. Now he does the same to her and she is scared.
He is a lowlife that wasted his entire life with alcohol and drugs while me and my sister were both in university. It means nothing to her. She still spoils him rotten.
He would assault me daily and I told her I how it affected my life and how I couldn’t study etc. She told me to adjust. The university ultimately got me emergency housing bc they were prying into why my grades were dropping. So I moved out and took out an actual student loan while he kept living with his mommy till age 30. That is when he moved into my inherited house.
I can really feel your sense of betrayal about your mom. And as taboo as it sounds, it is true. Some people don't love their children. But it's not our fault.
I have given up on my family, including my inheritance. It's simply not worth it. I would gladly pay them off with real estate if it meant never talking to them again and forgetting what they did.
Stop paying. She can take care of herself. Stop letting her walk all over you, shes just using so stop. I'm about to cut off my narc parents all over again. They only get worse
It is always justified to cut off a narc. You life will be all the better for it.