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I hesitated to write this because I don't want to restart the conversation regarding sperm banks being for pickmes. I fully support women who choose to go this route, and as someone who had to co-parent with a violent, mentally ill scrote, I often wish I had. But something happened recently that I never thought would, and I just had to share.
My cousin was conceived via sperm donation, and she recently tracked down her father. I'm not entirely sure how, as most of this info has been pieced together through the family grapevine. From what I understand, it has something to do with 23 and Me. She also found her siblings (nearly 50!).
She has been very distant lately, so I tried contacting her and was shocked by her response. She told me that she wished me well, and that it's nothing personal, but that she no longer wants anything to do with our family and is starting her own. Like, she is legit starting a "family" of a bunch of her half-siblings who share the same father.
Ya'll, this is some weird stuff. I am shocked and saddened. I know she's struggled with mental illness for a long time and is on many meds (which I honestly think have worsened the situation). But this is just so bizarre I could hardly believe it. And I think the weirdest thing about it is that she presents as so normal. She's well-spoken and personable- downright charismatic, even. In a way, I'm not surprised that she was able to bring a group of strangers who share only DNA to feel bonded together as a family. But it's just so weird.
If you're wondering where her mother is in all of this, she committed suicide a long time ago. She had a string of bad relationships with scrotes who destroyed her and her relationship with her daughter (my cousin).
Strange days, indeed.
First of all, someone being well spoken or personable means nothing, and honestly charismatic is a red flag if anything.
I'm surprised at how pro sperm donation women are on here. It's not a brilliant start for kids and most men who donate are scrotes. It also puts the mother in a poor financial situation off the bat unless she's wealthy.
I feel for your cousin as she has a sperm donor father and a mother who killed herself. This has probably led to some instability and she may feel it is too painful to be in contact with you. I also feel for you as this situation is not your fault. Hopefully she comes around.
Damn, that's wild.
I can see the appeal in it- father figures are important and I can see why she feels unmoored to the point of trying to recreate stability and recreate a family dynamic in her own vision.
I'm not against using sperm donors, but I think it's a dangerous idea to encourage young women towards at the expense of methodically vetting for her children's father. It's a castle in the sky idea that makes a comforting backup plan, that's all.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Your cousing clearly is unwell and going through a major trauma reaction, because even if she wanted to reconnect with the other side of the family, that doesn't mean giving up the family she aleady has. It's weird indeed, unless you have a bad relationship of some sort? Still, I understand it feels like rejection to you. I think she will backtrack on this tough.
That's a lot. Sorry you're experiencing this. I have to say/ask -50?! I thought there were caps/limits on how many family 'groups' a sperm donor could donate to?
That's a very valid case against sperm donation. I will not need it ever. So, my 2 cents are worth even less.
I don't understand one thing about the SMBC community, do these women live in isolation or with gangster levels of mistrust?
How about their families, friends who could come up to help with the kids? A stranger in a bus will hold the baby if you needed it due to the simple fact 'babies'. Then what about other hundreds of relationship in these women's lives? It's not like we are discussing SMBC in Syria/Libya etc. Once the society approved, then they help. Period.
Basically, life is so miserable as to be unsupportive of women who btw are trying to help raise the next generation by themselves. Then, women can either leave that place or never bring up kids.