"Men need to be trained"

Women with ADHD or mental health issues i think are told they have poor character or lack work ethic more often. So they don't get diagnosed and maybe they have depression and anxiety because the root issue isn't getting addressed, and they are getting treated with an invisible stigma. Similar to how women with chronic pain are disbelieved (silently or overtly) and told to suck it up, they are just being "dramatic," etc....

Undiagnosed/untreated ADHD = Nonexistent ADHD

Women who have ADHD and autism are extremely underdiagnosed. Women are better at masking their symptoms and internalizing suffering, so we aren't as disruptive and, thus, no one gives a shit. They'll try to help the kid who is making noise because they are difficult to be around, and neurodiverse women are too convenient, easier to just shame us.

*sigh* Unfortunately not. My experience with an LVM father is a more extreme case.. I come from a religious family so there was an expectation that my mom bend over backwards for my dad no matter what, all in the name of serving the big guy in the sky. As I get older, I struggle to not blame my mom for staying in that situation, but the brainwashing is so deep with religious women..

Men will have a whole ass engineering degree and act like a dishwasher is rocket science 😂😭😭 Lord help us.

omfg

@CaptainLadyBalls has a post where a man accused her of having autism because she didn't like his sexual joke. Absolutely sickening.

Basically he remembered things that are important to HIM.

He was a covert narcissist. I'm pretty sure.

Exactly. That's why I said their mothers should have trained them better. Let's face it, most fathers don't do shit.

Yep. Men model themselves after their primary male guardian which is usually the father. I've had two exes who endlessly complained about their fathers and were able to see how badly they treated their mothers but STILL ended up behaving exactly like them. It's crazy. They blamed everything on their dads and didn't want to be like them in any way, and then went ahead and abused me. Some part of them just resents women as a whole for "allowing" that kind of bad treatment and not keeping the men in check. It turns into "seeing how my dad treated my mom made me hate him, so if she hadn't been there / had been better I wouldn't have had to hate him". The victim blaming is real, but they're largely not conscious of it. They internalize their father's behavior as the inevitable result of bad relationship dynamics, they can't fathom people not getting along but NOT resorting to abuse, because abuse is what they're most intimately familiar with. On the other hand, my current boyfriend is a very considerate man with zero toxic masculinity despite his mom being a typical SAHM who took care of everything. But neither he nor his brothers went and exploited and abused their partners or expected them to do all of the housework. Because a) their dad, while not the greatest man in the world, at least had respect for their mother's hard work and b) their mother divorced him later on and married a man who is much more involved, proactive and generous, which was a clear example of "hey if you neglect your wife she's going to find a better man who is ready to give her the world". Their aunt did the same. So yeah, boys need to see other men treating their mothers well to really learn what they need to do as partners themselves. The mother plays a part in which behavior she accepts, but ultimately it comes down to the quality of the men.

I'm sorry but no I have seen WAY too many mothers who are obsessed with and make excuses for their precious sons and expect SO much from their daughters (esp eldest daughters). You can't make your husband do anything if he is useless but you can A) divorce him and B) expect better from your sons even if your husband is useless. It takes time and effort to combat weaponized incompetence but I have seen too many mothers who not only do nothing to train their sons but seem to love serving their sons. Example: when I was 12, I could be trusted to babysit my infant brother for hours at a time and feed and change him but when my brother was twelve he got hand delivered breakfasts, lunches, and dinners from my mom and got away with saying things like " I don't know how to put a trash bag on the trash can."

There was a very, very good post on the FDS Reddit some time ago that dealt with dating men with children. In short, these guys are looking for replacement mommies to reestablish the homes that they broke in a show of "stability!"

* For starters, the age of the child(ren). Ages in the single digits and he's a dad? He will not be honest with you about what happened with the mom.

* Being very aware that spending time with him will also mean being with his child/kid, thus you will be having "Stepmommy" duties foisted on you.

* He may be on his best behavior, play Disney Dad (LOL), etc. in front you, then spring on the whole "live here" thing. DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

This is only the short version. Why should a high value woman subject herself to this? Don't help him raise his kids.

Not to mention, as a step mother, you have no legal rights. You can grow attached to the kids, then he decides to leave you, and you can never see them again.

If you do deem, however, that dating a man with children of a certain age is acceptable, you should also pay attention to what activities he does with his kids. Does he only play sports or go to the park with them, or is he on top of their doctor appointments, school issues, etc.? If he only cares about the fun parts, run.

Yes, the age of the kids are important. I don't look down upon women who decide to date a man with kids, yet what you mentioned is a commonly overlooked factor. Also, a seemingly "involved" dad may look like a great person on the surface, yet never discount what happens on the outside is totally different than behind closed doors.

My current boyfriend's stepmom began seeing his dad when he and his sister were about to graduate high school. His brother was in college, so these were adults all interacting together.

However, my boyfriend's dad ended up cheating on his second wife, which was exactly how the first marriage ended. That was two and a half years ago! That's another story and worthy of a post!