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On Saturday, I decided to call a male friend I hadn't spoken to for a while. He had called me the week before but I had missed his call and I said I'd call him the week after, which was this Saturday, that's just gone by.
In one of our previous conversations, last year, he had said that we should meet up, seeing as we hadn't seen each other in the last two years and only spoke over the phone. Now, while I'm all here for meeting up with friends, I started to feel uneasy when he seemed really eager for us to meet. We had spoken about meeting up over the phone and he had asked me to let him know where I would like us to go, as he wanted me to pick a place I felt comfortable with. After that conversation, I didn't get back to him immediately and thought that we could meet up anytime but in every other phone conversation, he kept asking when we'd hang out and that he'd really like to see me. One time, via text, he said that he missed me. I got the impression that he was trying to imply interest in a subtle way which I didn't like or reciprocate, especially as we always had a very friend-only way of speaking to each other. His overeagerness just didn't sit right with me so I decided to not call him as much or talk about us hanging out whenever we did speak.
On Saturday, before the conversation ended, he mentioned how we hadn't hung out yet and I said that I'd let him know soon when we could. I asked him what he had been getting up to outside of work and he said that he had gone to the beach recently. He then proceeded to send me photos of himself - one where he was topless and others where he was walking along the beach. I assumed he sent the topless photo because he told me he had been working out and I joked that he must be pretty ripped. I told him, non flirtatiously, that he looked good and then he proceeded to ask me to send photos of myself to him.
I laughed and said that I wouldn't and asked why he wanted them. He laughed and claimed that since we hadn't seen in a while, he wanted to see what I looked like. I told him that he could see my WhatsApp display picture and already knows what I look like so I didn't get why he wanted photos. He laughed and said that it was fine, that I didn't have to send them but then proceeded, for a good 5 minutes, to go back and forth with me about sending photos. He would say that I didn't have to send them then immediately proceed to asking me to send them. He joked that he knew that even though I'd said no now, I'd send them eventually then twice, he said: "It's not like you're going to send nudes". That really sealed the deal for me, in it being such a weird request. Why would he say that? Why would he joke that I wasn't going to send him nudes? Why would I when he is just a friend? I would never take nudes to send to any guy, let alone a male friend.
I told him that he could get his other female friends to send him photos of themselves or better still, get a girlfriend to send photos to him. He seemed taken aback that I said that, then said that he and I have a "special bond" and that "we connect differently" compared to his other female friends, hence why he was asking specifically, for photos of me. He then said that he feels that he had annoyed me by asking and apologised before the conversation ended. His apology was worthless because the damage was done.
I felt very weirded out and disappointed because he had presented himself to be a gentleman for the past 2 years of my knowing him. I know why men ask for photos of women, with one major reason being so they can masturbate to them and I was not going to let that happen. He tried to make it out to seem like it was an innocent request but we all know that how we relate to our female friends is different from how we relate to our male ones. My female friends would never "jokingly" insist on me sending photos of myself to them.
I say all of this to say that as we already know, men are never really our friends and I now know to distance myself from this guy, cut him off and block him - which I have since done.
Please let me know what you all think and if you've also had weird encounters with male friends.
- Never offer to call him back. Always give him the option to do that and offer only a date and time for when he can call you. No matter what relationship you have with him. - “hangin out” is LVM slang, avoid those males. - he’s numbing down the situation of you to send him photos when you don’t want that. He is crossing your boundaries. Avoid those males, because eventually he’ll mention nudes. No men wants to be your friend, eventually he wants to have sex with you. So you shouldn’t be surprised in him trying to be intimate with you. Also there is no real value to being friends and interact hours a week with a male friend if he is not paying your bills then he is only wasting your time after some point.
If you are even moderately attractive, and usually even if you aren't, heterosexual men who are not your family would have sex with you, given the chance and the perfect no-risk circumstances. Once you internalize this fact and accept it as universally true, you will find it much easier to understand men.
Your "friend" is a thirsty scrote orbiter who was hoping to seduce you once you met in person and, when that didn't happen, thought he would settle for some harmless little pictures that he would totally never masturbate to, which is why he brought up the idea of you sending him nudes completely out of the blue. 🙄
Block and delete this loser and be glad you haven't wasted more time entertaining his fantasies. A real friend would respect your boundaries and never, ever ask for something more than once after being told no. In fact a real friend wouldn't have asked at all, because why would your friend want pictures of you? My girlfriends and I send pictures of ourselves to each other and have pictures we've taken together, but I can't imagine ever asking one to send me a picture for no reason. Creepy!
I have guy friends whom I've known for many years, and can safely say we are actually friends. They have been there for me through difficult times, and I for them, and I would trust them to help me in an emergency. But I also know that, given the no-risk opportunity, they would almost certainly have sex with me. It's how men are and only you can decide if having male friends is worth the knowledge that they all occasionally think about what you might look like naked.
I have a male friend who would be perfect for me and is high value, except for the fact I find him very unattractive. Even the thought of holding his hand gives me shivers. We met well over 10 years ago in college.
He moved to LA eight years ago and recently moved back here. We used to text every so often and even had occasional video chats while he was away. But now, I quit hanging out with him and I am distancing myself from him because he wants a chance with me now that we're in the same city. He even admitted to me that he always felt we'd make a great couple. But what sealed the deal for me is that he NEVER used to bring up the topic of sex, but he started doing it every time we've hung out in-person 🚩🚩🚩
Having him far away and out of reach was one thing, but now that he's back it's SO true. Men and women cannot be friends.
I once had a great male friend. Told him straight that it was only ever going to be friendship so no funny business. I go out one night and he tells me to send him a pic of me dressed up?!?! It really made me feel dirty and disappointed in him. He made an excuse that it was because he knew I was looking forward to my evening out with friends and I’d brought a new dress so he wanted to give me some confidence! F that! They think we’re stupid. That ruined it for me. One of my girlfriends made a great point that if it had been a male friend of his, would he of asked him for a pic too? Yeah right lol!!! I literally blocked him and never spoke to him since.
I became friends with one of my ex-husband’s friends and he was such a nice guy the entire time. He hit on me a fortnight after my ex left. Zero loyalty to his friend and merely biding his time being friendly until I was single. Urgh.
Ugh, this has unfortunately happened to me too. One of my male friends who I’d known since high school, who I always had a strictly platonic dynamic with, sent me a dick pic out of nowhere. I was shocked and assumed it was meant for someone else, since we’d never remotely flirted before. At first he played it off like an accident, but then asked for a picture of me to “even it out”! Like, are you kidding me?? I lost my shit at him, had a huge fight, and told him to never speak to me again if he couldn’t give a real apology. It’s been 6 years without a peep, and my only male friends now are gay 🙃
LVM will literally complain about being lonely and having no actual friends, only to turn around and pull this shit on any woman who shows them an ounce of actual friendship (not to mention, they put zero effort into maintaining friendships with, you know, other men).
I have men that I'd consider to be my friends, but I'd never be as close to/ share as much with them as I would my girlfriends. They'll always be an arms' distance away.
True, we can never have the same type of relationship with a man that we have with a woman. or our family. or specifically, our mother.
this is also applicable in a relationship with a man and a marriage. you don't have to tell him all your secrets. he doesn't need to know your deepest fears, your highest aspirations. he obviously doesn't need to know your trauma or how you have this small crush on your plumber.
men will always ask you stuff to know where they are positioned in the relationship. don't forget that masculinity is fragile, hard to put together, easy to lose (psych essay here: https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/features/men-a0029826.pdf).
anything can set off a fragile man. this is why, it's better to see him as fully responsible for how he behaves and comes across as. you can be responsible only for yourself. with a man, behave as if you're being watched by the CIA and FBI. don't tell him stuff you wouldn't tell publicly or post in your shout box.
I always test men and go for: I want to tell you something I never told anyone. I will also make a big deal out of it and emphasize the word secret of course, it's not some secret, but I will treat it as such. if everyone knows about it after we go home or break up, then you know he's a piece of shit. men have no regard for female secrets and do not uphold discretion unless it suits them. it is okay to assume men have zero empathy but they pretend t be on their best behavior until they get in your pants. do not appeal to their empathy, understanding or capacity to see your point of view ( esp if it takes considerable emotional labor!) and of course, do not appeal to their morality.
treat all men decently but always have in mind that all men are jerks. the obligation to prove otherwise rests in their shoulders. and yes, this means that you cannot relax around men, especially male friends, unless they passed your vetting tests.
But remember, vetting is an ongoing process.
My experience can be a whole post in itself but, oh God. I feel you. I'm super young (around 20) and when I was 16 I'd sent a few pictures of myself to a male friend (who was 18 at the time🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮) and 2 were mirror pictures that revealed my figure even though I was fully clothed. I had edited the background, added stuff, etc. and made them look super cute because that kind of editing was sort of trending that year.
I sent them to him for obvious reasons you send anything to friends; to get their opinion and seek PLATONIC validation. I remember he had complimented me and immediately saved the pictures, I thought it was a bit weird but assumed he just liked the picture since we were nothing but friends.
Later on, around a year later, he started hinting to me that he liked me as someone more than a friend (mind you I've never met this pathetic scrote ever in my life, everything we talked about was solely done online) and I kept pretending like I didn't get his desperate "hints." I KNEW something was wrong with the dude. Then I had the urge to delete each and every picture I'd ever sent of myself to him, even though they were only a handful considering he had previously told me he watched porn and masturbated too. (Yes, I know, I wish I'd blocked him then and there but I was 16 and had no idea about FDS)
Now, I'm trying my best to gradually cut all contact with him. Although I wish I could just block him, I'm very vary of doing so because he'd told me his entire family is filled with Satanists (including him) and that his aunt is a witch who practices black magic and sacrifices animals and all that crap. So I'm super cautious with letting this deranged and repulsive man think I've "betrayed" him or "abandoned" him by blocking him. I wish I knew his background was like this before I ever even talked to him. And I know not everyone believes in black magic, dark satanism and stuff, but I'd rather not risk it at all, especially at such an important stage of my life. You never know how horribly vengeful some lonely and aggressive males can be.
He'd also expressed to me earlier some very very scary and terrifying things he wishes he could do to women; which I want to make a post about when I have time, but dangerous men like these may take steps we can never see coming. Best to stay far away, cautious and vigilant from all men in general or only talk to those who you know super well and are close to.
Thank you @luxurylover I’m proud you see your friends behaviour for what it is! You just can’t be friends with men…unless they’re gay I think 🙄
Oh! I'm so sorry @luxurylover yes, I meant to reply to @FoxyMaybe