i’m about to graduate college soon and nothing changed with my mom and idk how to help her. I used to hate her because my whole life she put relationships before me and was abusive because of her own childhood traumas and trauma with men. She also projected that onto me a lot. Growing up i felt like a burden because she treated me terribly. She did all this pick me and muling behavior for nothing. She dated dusties that didn’t marry her. She’s almost 50 and has never been married (and I don’t see a problem with it at this point because of how men are nowadays). She still wants that companionship. She wants men that don’t want her. i’m 21 and i came back to visit her from college and it’s the same old. Always bringing up my dad out of anger and i’m tired of hearing about him. I see the type of person he is. Very selfish, verbally abusive, short tempered etc. Deep down she stills loves that man after he gave her stds and assaulted her many times. I’m just happy he pays my bills and bought me a car. That’s all i see him as. She still loves him and is depressed because she doesn’t have a man. Most men are selfish and no matter what I say to her she doesn’t care to listen. She’s rather sit on the phone all day gossiping and talking bad about her job, sitting at home miserable instead of finding things to do like going to the gym etc. Shed rather sit here sad about my father 21 years later and laying around wasting her life, scrolling on dating apps and always talking about how she wants a man. I don’t know what to do but she is very toxic and miserable and doesn’t even want therapy. I feel bad but I have to live my life and i personally don’t want to deal with her codependent behavior because she acts like i’m her daughter husband every time i visit now. she is nicer because she’s lonely but i don’t like her picking fights with me, invading my personal space, and doing other acts for attention.
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Firstly, your mother had many years to practice her ways of being in the world before you were even a thought. Secondly, you can only help someone as much as they let you. And thirdly, your family (especially parents and older) generally will never see you as a competent authority figure that could help them, so as much as it hurts, it’s not your job. I do hope your mum will find some help one way or another though, maybe when she’s ready and the circumstances are right.
Gosh I feel ya, but my dad has been around until recently. Are you sure she is nicer to you because she is lonely or because you're older and she can't talk to you crazy as much because you can just up and leave 🤣 that's how it is with my mom She suddenly knows respect when I moved away for college
I feel so bad for you. My mom is also such a pick me and super abusive. I even wrote in my diary in 3rd grade about how she probably couldn’t keep a man because she was so mean. Ofc she violated my privacy and read it. Her reaction to that was to beat me. Talk about proving a point. Even as an 8 y/o I knew what was up. When I grew up she had to resort to more screaming and name-calling. She knew I was just waiting for a good excuse to f*ck her up for what she did to me as a kid (lol). I cut her off for good in 2020 and never looked back, because I didn’t want to be dragged down into her toxicity any more. My grandma tried to guilt trip me into letting her back in my life because I used her taxes to file for fasfa throughout college. The woman never even gave me a dime for tuition I just reported her taxes because I had no choice but to use my parents income. Somehow that was a huge crazy favor she did for me, and I’m ungrateful daughter. The woman beat us for years as defenseless children but since I was fed I should be thankful I wasn’t aborted 🙄 Toxic parents can fuck off. She should be happy you still even come home.
This Is soooo, so sad. Let this be a cautionary tale to all who are on the fence about FDS