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This is long winded so definitely a rant lol...this also kind of touches on something I asked about in a previous post, sorry if you think you've seen this before.
So I use a penpal site to make friends, some in the same country, others who are international. I've used it for quite a while now and back when I first used it mostly everyone was on the same page about making friends, but since they made an app version + I think since the way people socialize online has changed a little, I've noticed the vibe has changed a little too. Or, maybe since I was almost 10 years younger I was naive but anyways...I've noticed there's a lot more men (including men pretending to be women, like straight up with stolen photos of women most likely) on the site who are just using it as a means to flirt with women. Either wanting to flirt wit "exotic" women from other countries or just generally trying to talk to women that they might not have access to normally (like a man who might not get to meet women IRL as often, for whatever reason).
About three times now I've spoken to men on there who I thought were trying to be friends who at some point during the conversation bring up other women somehow. Either mentioning another woman flirting with them, mentioning past escapades, etc. And it just makes me feel kinda weird because the way they bring it up, it gives me the impression that they're trying to brag or make me curious or jealous or something. They'll bring it up when it didn't really need to be brought up, and I'll immediately get this feeling of like "why is he talking about this?" which I think is why I feel that impression that there's a motive for them bringing it up.
I know a lot of you will say men can never be just friends with women without having some sort of underlying sexual expectations but I have met one male friends on there that I've known for two years, he has not once ever mentioned anything sexual and has a girlfriend and doesn't even bring up their sex lives either but will share things about her that make sense, that I would expect even a female friend to share about a boyfriend ("My partner made this, isn't this cool?" "My partner and I went to this museum, check out these pics" that kind of thing). Likewise I have a male friend from high school who also does not bring up his sex life with his fiancee and only will talk about past experiences when it makes sense to do so, like if we're discussing dating stories or something like that - I've never felt like he's brought anything up in an inappropriate way, I've never felt that "why is he talking about this" mood like I have with these dudes.
At first I thought maybe I just have really different views of talking about sex, but I realized when I compared their behavior to my other male friends as well as my female friends, no one ever brings up sexual topics out of the blue unless the conversation has gone in that direction OR if we are very close (some close or longtime friends will tell me about a hookup for example). The site also has a tendency to attract people who are not the best at socializing, and some of these men definitely just seem like poor socializers in general (unable to read the room etc) but I just can't believe this is the only reason for something like this. Am I wrong?
The most recent incident included him mentioning he was "with a friend all night" - I ignored it because my Male BS senses were tingling and when I did he even asked "Don't you want to ask about my nice night with my friend?" and then claimed to be joking when he said it was "too hot for me to know about" when I did say it seemed like he really wanted to tell me. When I said I couldn't really tell if he was serious or not he said he was, but not about actually telling me about it. Huh? So why bring it up then? I see no reason for this man to bring this up to some woman he barely knows other than to brag and just be like "see, I fuck 😎". It's fucking weird.
I ignored it on purpose to see what his reaction would be and the fact that he not only confirmed it was a sexual reference but also seemingly refers to his hookup as a "friend" I feel like tells me all I need to know. This is my "I hate men" moment of the day because tbh, what the fuck lol. It's just such a lame thing to do to try and show off/brag...I don't care about your sex life. Many adults have sex, you aren't special. I feel like this is the "nice guy" equivalent of flashing women in a park from a trench coat, "I'm going to tell you that I FUCKED some chick last night whether you wanna hear about it or not 😎"
Edited to add: I also just don't understand why I keep running into this. These men will be seemingly normal, I don't know if they do this to just women in general or if it's because I don't bring up anything sexual so they're testing the waters or what but it makes it hard for me to try to avoid these men until I've already wasted time getting to know them, because they will seem normal at first the first couple conversations. Obviously I know to just block these men once the switch happens but jeez.
Males get jealous and more interested when a woman is f*cking another guy, so he's thinking that him talking about another girl would intrigue you like it would him. It's just like when a guy sends dick pics. He's operating off the assumption that since he'd want to see nudes of you that you want to see nudes of him. Whenever a male tries to tell you sex stories about other women, he's trying to make you more interested in him. He's testing to see if you have any boundaries and if you'd accept being f*credit and then talked about to the next girl. Run.
Men do this irl way too much also. I never look at them as if they are more desirable. Its sad that that is the intention, because it doesn't work. The exact opposite happens actually. My vagina dries up like the sahara, and the man infront of me morphs into a smarmy jerry-worm. "Chase me mommy! Other women chase me, c'mon, why wont you chase me?!"
Testing the waters no doubt. Block and delete because even if you didn’t and wouldn’t bring it up, in his mind, it’s now open for convo whether you like it or not. It’s a dumb dick power move by a desperate scrote with no self control. No loss.
They're acting like that because they think online = fake, "anonymous", and they can get away with saying whatever they want to whoever they want. They get off on making women uncomfortable.
Depending on your country vs theirs, they also might have some... biases. For example, men from non-western countries sometimes think women from places like the US are more ~promiscuous~, so they might think in a twisted way that bringing up sexual things isn't creepy, or will get them nudes, because... idk, scrote logic lol
In either case, it's not YOUR fault. It's these men that were raised thinking that this is socially acceptable behaviour that's the issue.
Is this interpals by any chance?? If so, I found most guys on there to be really fucking weird - this was ~5ish years ago - and though there do seem to be some genuine people (mostly the women) I'm pretty sure like any other chat-oriented site the men have turned it into a dating/hookup app.
A gentleman never tells, ever... If a man starts talking about his sexploits with another woman...he is a NVM. I learned that one the hard way. This penpal site should be a relaxing, safe space for you, something you look forward to. Weed these scrotes out... Report them all to the site moderator... every time, then block and delete.
I don't know what site you're using but I've made some wonderful friends on Slowly. It's perfect because you can't upload photos, you only have a cute avatar and cute stamps for the letters you send so nobody knows how you look. I personally don't think men and women can be friends but the only male penpal I had on that app was never inappropriate, so maybe you'd want to check it out