Men as a group are ruined for me.

Oh sis, I feel ya. I have completely given up on men. I fought with the 'giving up' for about 3 years. What helped me the most was to just stop dreaming about some hypothetical good man, and to realize that 95% of men out there DON'T EVEN LIKE WOMEN and see us as appliances or prizes to conquer and collect. I started dreaming and pouring all that energy into building my dream life. Yeah I feel sad about it sometimes when I stop to think, but the only thing I can do is vote with my feet and not waste a second of time on low-value behavior from men. Any attention to them is positive reinforcement.

The universe would have to drop a HVM on my doorstep at this point before I'd even consider dating again, and I ain't holding my breath. I haven't even talked to a man with the intention of dating in oh, 3 years now? I actively avoid men as much as possible, and now that I am almost strictly WFH the only ones I deal with are family and the occasional delivery driver (our usual guy is distantly related to me too lol). It's great.

It helps to stay busy so you don't fixate on the negative. learn a new skill or dive into a new hobby! I just finished building a chicken tractor (my babies arrive end of March) and the flooring for my upstairs got delivered yesterday so once it finishes acclimating (real hardwood) I'll have that to keep me busy. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you aren't going out wasting time and energy on trash men!

Really? I feel like I'm eternally hopeful, even though I haven't met a single man I've wanted to date in 5 years. There's still a part of me that thinks I'll find that diamond in the rough. And I kinda think the fact that I've been saving myself for a good man will set me apart from all the women my age who are getting ran through. I mean, I'm practically a born again virgin at this point. LOL!

I get what you mean. It's like from childhood we're bombarded with fantasies about what men are supposed to be like, not knowing that men themselves aspire to be something entirely different. And whenever we meet some guy who doesn't turn out to fit that description we're brainwashed to think it's our fault. That he would be perfect if we could just be "agreeable"/"docile"/"submissive"/"feminine" enough.

But what you dream of is the exception, not the rule. Vet ruthlessly.

I haven't lost hope. The years I've spent vetting gave me tools to recognize the green flags not only in potential dates, but in everyone. Integrity and backbone are at the core of a human being, which means that great men and women will be great even in the smallest things. No excuses, no bargaining.

It did help a little bit that I am bisexual, in a way that I wouldn't accept from a man what I wouldn't accept from another woman, and even if I chose to stay away from men altogether for the rest of my life, I would still have a way out. But I haven't given up.

same here. they have destroyed my hope in finding love and good sex. they have absolutely nothing to offer me.

Don't ever give up hope. I am fortunate to have a few HVM friends. By which I mean 2. One is happily married, and loyal, doting and respectful to his wife (woman in same STEM career as him, also a HVW). Another is not able to pursue a relationship at this time because he has to work to support his parents and younger siblings; he's devoted to them 100% . We were talking about relationships, and he said he would feel guilty about living and traveling with a girl if she wasn't his fiance because it might mar her reputation in the community (his community is conservative) if she lived with a man who wasn't her fiance/ husband. He's one of the most thoughtful people I met.

There are good, kind-hearted, extraordinary HVM out there, but they are hard to find. Believe me, HVW friends are JUST as hard to find, but they do exist.

Yep, they're trash. 💩