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Imagine if... breakups were mutually beneficial, growth periods.
Imagine if... he states that this relationship is no longer what he wants. Clear and direct. No manipulation. No mistresses or jumping into another relationship. No lying or hiding things. No planning his next chapter prematurely. No ghosting. No revenge.
Imagine if... he understands that it might cause you pain, and he’ll be there for you for the next months+ that you need. To get angry. To cry. To start trying new things.. To build your next chapter.
Imagine if... the love was so free of manipulation, that there is no sudden coldness. Just support, love, goodwill and patience to process and move on.
Imagine if... there was no triangulation. No sporadic texts or calls. No messing with your emotions or “I miss you” texts. No “this is what you wanted” mind games.
Imagine if... there was no abandoning you.
Imagine if... people were honest about what they wanted.
Imagine if... people were strong in not pursuing a relationship that clashes with what they want.
Imagine if... there was no duping. No using. No stringing along. No manipulation. No toxicity.
Imagine if... you knew day-of that someone had thoughts that they don’t want this relationship. And that two people could sit, be loving and make a plan that benefits both people. Because the love is full.
This would save some pain. Jealousy. Resentment. Coldness. Betrayal. Self-doubt. Toxic relationships. Relationships that never should’ve started. Relationships that last too long.
Experiencing or witnessing healthy relationships can make it easy to see when something is off.
Modeling loving and healthy relationships can be a felt experience of knowing how you should be treated.
Imagine if... this was the norm. That people can see how they should treat others and be treated, and how to stand strong in integrity.
Patriarchy, men, and media have abused girls and women, making it harder to stay in integrity.
As women, we’ve been inundated with abuse in relationships. We have been sexually pressured. We have been manipulated, DARVO-ed, gaslit, abandoned, denied our liberties, and taught to settle for crumbs. We have been verbally abused, harassed, groped, assaulted, and made to fear for our wellbeing.
And if it hasn’t happened to you directly, you have witnessed it, often.
How th are my friends, family members, and my sisters in this society supposed to know what a healthy relationship looks like, let alone feels like.
So here’s to imagining what healthy relationships look like. Feel free to add anything.
*Note: I am all for blocking and deleting and doing whatever we need to do to take care of ourselves. That's what we have to do in our given climate.
You made me cry. Not only is this a great post, but it's kind of CRAZY that I was thinking about this TODAY. Are we becoming a hive mind lol
I have been thinking that the true measure of HVMness are break ups. If I only knew how a man is gonna break up with me, that would be all I needed to know about him. I don't care that he treated me well and was in love for months or years, if he disappears, abandon me, manipulate and all the things you describe perfectly at the end, I would give up all the "good bits" if I knew he's capable of that.
If you don't want me anymore, it hurts but isn't that big of a deal. Why can't men just politely separate without turning it into a tragic and painful mess (from which they walk away unscathed and we take years ro recover)?
Nice to imagine, but it isn’t the reality. Pickmes still don’t know how men think. What a nice world it would be if we were all honest. I don’t understand the lies. If I was unhappy with someone, I’d leave.