I never learn 🙄

I'm not sure. I'm currently following a similar journey. When I broke up with my ex, I naturally lost some friend groups, and the pandemic exasperated some friendships I had outside it. It is definitely normal to feel disappointed when your effort is not reciprocated. I think the key here is to vet your friends like you do your relationships.

I’ve had similar happen as I’ve been extremely ill the past 2+ years with Long COVID. I can count on one hand the number of people who have continued to periodically check up on me. That’s out of all the family, friends, people I worked with/for, and acquaintances I knew prior. It’s been devastating to realize the depth of how disconnected the majority of people are - like it’s normal, albeit extremely hurtful and unwise (but that’s another post). I’m sorry you’ve experienced similar! It hurts even when you understand why it’s happening and it’s not your fault. The rule I have for myself now is, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This means if a person doesn’t show up for me, especially in a time where I’m hurting and vulnerable (like when your mum was in the hospital), that’s your answer. No further information or reasons are needed - they are not your friend. In the past I’ve been one who is more comfortable giving people the benefit of the doubt. The impact of this has been creating a life where I was surrounded by people who don’t show up the first time, yet noticing they are capable of showing up for their job, hobbies, church, kids, etc. Clearly the ability is there - it’s a matter of priority. And there’s nothing wrong with a person not prioritizing me, they don’t owe me anything. This also means I don’t owe them anything and I’m no longer willing to be a better friend to others than I am to myself. I want to be there for myself by surrounding myself with people who give a f*@%. This means I’m no longer willing to spend time and energy, including giving people the benefit of the doubt, who don’t prioritize me at the same level I prioritize them. This also means no second chances, unlikes it’s truly exceptional circumstances and a one-time occurrence, not a way of being or pattern of behavior. Block and delete, just like in dating. And no explanation necessary. If a person does come back I expect their apology to be impeccable, not because I’m vengeful, rather to ensure the understanding and trust can have what it needs to grow and exist again, otherwise it’s going to be the same disappointment repackaged in a new way all over again. I found the book, “Why Won’t You Apologize? - Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts” by Harriet Lerner very helpful too. I’ll include a pic of some of her key points. Wishing you the best and friends who deeply care! You aren’t alone, it’s getting harder to find long-term friendships and authentic kindness. It’s worth it to put yourself in a position where you have the time, availability, and space for true friends and chosen family to walk into your life. Cheering for you!

It’s hard to maintain friendships as we get older and people get busier and begin to grow apart etc. I’ve moved some of my friends chats to “archived” so I am not tempted to reach out too often because it feels so one sided. I let them come to me and only drop them a message occasionally now.

I don’t think this is pick me behavior since she hasn’t reciprocated for you twice and you are putting an end to the relationship. I also feel like I give and put out so much for others and it never gets reciprocated. I wouldn’t say that’s the fault of a pick me. It just makes me learn to not reciprocate as much as I used to do, or stop caring all together and end the relationship. You cut her off since she’s not serving you as a friend so I don’t this is pick me behavior. It sucks and it’s okay to be upset for a little bit, but hopefully life will go on, you’ll vet, and meet even better friends ones who reciprocate your efforts. I’m really sorry to hear about your mom being in the hospital. I hope she is doing well now 💜 My advice is if they don’t reciprocate the first time, then certainly you can vet people like that for sure

Sometimes you need to take stock and prune your friends group. I had to let go of a close friend recently because she stopped being an individual after getting a boyfriend. She disappeared overnight after meeting him, and I haven’t seen her once in over a year now. Every time we’ve had plans she’s flaked last minute to spend time with him instead. At a certain point you can’t be the only one putting in effort! It’s best to conserve your energy for the people who treat friendship like a two-way street.