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Hey queens~ I'm a first time poster but long time lurker, and I've got to say that FDS is probably the only community that doesn't make me feel like I'm crazy for demanding more of men as a whole.
This past weekend I went out with some female acquaintances to catch up- Well into the evening and after some drinks, we were all talking about how men are simply not it. How most of them act like children and treat women like shit. I was feeling really comfortable around these girls, but as a queen in a different post said; most women are pickmes. The thing is that, maybe due to the drinks, I spilled my tea way too early and admitted that if a man follows thirst traps or soft porn on IG, I immediately discard him as a potential partner.
And oh my god, the looks I got from the girls... One of them, who's MARRIED, said "but that's inevitable, all men do that". I was baffled because in my alcohol-induced stupor, I thought these girls and I had similar opinions about men. I responded "not really, I know men who don't follow insta models" and the girl said "they're hiding it well cause all men do it". Another girl then asked me if I was also against porn, so I said yes. I explained briefly that I don't watch porn, don't support such an evil industry and therefore a partner who watches porn is simply unacceptable.
I know that it was naive of me to share these personal values with girls that I don't know very well, but after doing it they for sure made me feel like the weirdo of the table. One of them proceeded to explain how she did watch porn, was pro thresomes and anal, how she even had porn files on her computer. I was SHOCKED. Pickmes are not only indulging men in whatever sick fantasy their depraved minds produce, but they are also behaving like them. I'm 23 and I feel somehow lonely cause I'd love to have female friends, but the way girls and women act around men, how most of them are more than willing to turn themselves into whatever porn dictates and how normalized it is that men are trash but we have to ACCEPT that trash is simply unbelievable.
More than anything I'm angry, and I wanted to know if you queens felt the same. How do you deal with the anger, disappointment and frustration that, not only men but also women, make you feel?
Sorry for any grammatical mistakes, as english is not my first language, and thank you for reading🥰
It's annoying honestly. My go to response now when a woman is offended at my reasonable standard is "nobody is stopping you from entertaining them, though." Because its true. Nobody is stopping them. And if anything, you're giving them more coomer options. More for you! Lol
All you said was that you wouldn't partner up with these guys. You can still fuck them, it just wont be all that satisfying lol. They're like you HAVE to date them.. I don't "have to" do jack shit, actually 🤔
"That's just the way it is now" people skeeve me out because they don't have integrity. Crab in a bucket mentality, etc.
Anal/threesomes/porn file girl isn't actually into any of that, but rather she likes how men react to her when she tells them she is. Poor thing probably has never had an orgasm and is in the process of burning tf out. Watch out for her because one day she is gonna be pissed off that she let men do all this to her and has nothing but health problems and wasted time on her hands.
I suggest keeping cordial with these women but not hanging out with them anymore. Sex pozi people are depressing and lame.(Notice all of them are disappointed in men. They are modern GoodWifes and still unhappy. God forbid they try something new, like saying NO to erectiley disfunct men. Sure Jan, just keep saying yes until you eventually serve him your own daughter)
Yes one time … I was hanging out with some girlfriends and a story came up about high school where a male student had brought a porn magazine and it fell from his backpack and some people saw as he tried to hide it… I was obviously disgusted and reacted with “ewww” while all my friends were like “oh my god..it’s just porn…blah blah blah” I don’t remember the rest … but I felt kinda ambushed that I felt like I was the one who made the mistake of expressing my disgust but didn’t say anything to their total acceptance of this boy bringing pornographic material to a school … But I don’t think it’s naive of you to express your raw feeling and thought about an abusive and exploitative industry… and what your high standard for dating men.. and what you think of men who don’t meet them.. I think women are so conditioned to accept male interests and ideas, that when a woman expressing her power and ability to disagree, to reject, to speak reality of mens behavior and habits, other women feel attacked that because all they’ve known is to accept these ideas and behaviors… so they try to in a sense punish you, put you back in your “place” , or make you feel like your the unreasonable to crazy one… but honestly they lack either the self esteem or self respect to feel that they too can excersize that power and it’s easier to make you feel that way that analyze thier own habits and mentality.. I would say.. not all friends have to be super anti-porn, HV women.. you can have room in your life for them with limits, knowing full way how they would act and react to certain situations..and keep that in mind.. and you can try to vet other women to see if they have similar mentality as your to gain a better group of friends or listen to YouTube/ podcasts of women who have similar ideas and join those communities of like minded women.. it’s hard in real life.. Honestly… I listen to the FDS podcast , listen to feminist takes on YouTube/online, and read about male violence, to help me keep grounded.. sometimes we’ll find similar women and sometimes it’ll just be yourself
Even at the height of my pick me-ism when I was younger, I was never pro-porn. The exploitation and commodification of women’s bodies always made me uneasy for reasons I couldn’t articulate until I found radical feminism, thereby finding the words to describe my views. My point is, the current pro-porn mentality young girls and boys are being groomed with alarms me. It’s terrifying to witness and I refuse to be a part of it. You do not have to subscribe to their groomer views. Have hope though, you are at a time in your life where you will naturally grow out of old friends and find your people. It was in my mid-late 20s that I started to meet HVW as that was when I really invested in myself, my standards and boundaries. You will attract likeminded friends the more you put into yourself. Avoid toxic women (and men of course) and stay strong sis.
Oh, your husband does that 👀👀👀👀? Weird, I've never experienced that type of behavior. Please tell me more.
Lol @ the other girl trying to prove how sexual she is. Like....why the fuck should I care lol I'm not dating you, sis.
Anyway your standards are your standards. Don't let them pull you down with them.
’accepting‘ a man who is with you ‘needs’ other women is just putting yourself beneath him and telling him he’s worth more and you’re worthless. Its also condoning the degradation and dehumanization of women and promoting misogyny and depravity. I don’t understand women not taking issue with porn, although I guess in my early twenties I thought It was benign, but the same arguments that men ’need’ porn would also apply to him actually having sex with other girls. You can’t say he ‘needs’ porn and other women sexually and then explain how you then you expect him not to engage with sex when the opportunity arises as well. You’ve already accepted he has to have extracurricular more trashy sex than you give him. Theres nothing about watching porn that doesn’t lead to acting it out.
How many men would be alright with a dick obsessed woman watching penis and Men constantly jsut obsessed with other men and their packages? Humiliating. the Man is literally showing you and the world how he desires other women, and they do what? Commit to this guy who’s not committed at all?
it makes me angry too, it’s disrespect. I say this all the time but a dedicated hood solid partner is a wonderful thing, being with someone who is a dog and acts like an animal is a curse. Porn is the greatest indoctrination of misogyny in our society and it’s brainwashed men and women into showing no respect for women and seeing women as expendible. Think about it, part of the reason the woman is okay with the man watching porn is she sees that woman as not a human being, lesser trash for her husband to use while she believes she’s better than her. Newsflash your husband sees two categories of women, trash and servants, you’re in the servant category. You’re the vanilla that doesn’t cut it on its own and she’s the chocolate sauce and sprinkles.
Of course, porn also creates competition for the woman so she’s so focused on how she compares to these other woman, who don’t even like her loser husband while no focus is put onto how ugly/ bad in bed / stupid / useless he is. This I think is also why men are so ugly and useless because porn has helped put all the competition on women. A man now Doesn’t even have to be liked by a single other woman for competition to be introduced. the most disgusting man can use porn or hire prostitutes. It’s power.
Porn needs to be criminalized. So sick of pervert politicians making policies that cause women To be treated sub human. Also need a man who hasn’t obliterated his sexuality. I have a friend whos bf doesnt watch porn for selfish reasons, not the best guy, but the point to make is not surprisingly he’s the best lover she’s ever had. No duh, who wants a porn perv humping them like a chihuahua. puke.
I feel pity for these ladies who think this way (I used to think porn was empowering for woman). I would reduce my presence of being around these ladies because being a lone wolf among the group can make it easier to change your viewpoint.
I was chatting to a married Christian woman. I made a comment about not watching a particular TV series, known for its depiction of r**e and nudity. I'm Christian as well, I assumed we were on the same page. She replied "my husband watches that. He says it doesn't affect him" Um ewwwww? I would dump a guy so fast if he admitted to watching shows like that. Let alone being dismissive of the abuse of women depicted on the show.
I was told to lower my standards because I don’t want to date single papa’s by a pickme woman.
I’m told that Teen boys are Childfree but men in their mid 20’s or older all have children. Yeah because they breed like rats. Nobody tells men they are sluts for jumping beds. So I asked where is your man Then? Dead silence afterwards.
This woman got abandoned by a man she lowered her standards for while being pregnant with his child. Sure he payed child support but That’s pretty much it.
I don’t think this site is big enough but it’s be cool if FDS had community forum software that allowed for groups and meet ups so people could find more like minded local friends.
I had to explain this to my own dad. My standards are literally the minimum threshold for which I’d be single. The only standards I have are they are kind, mesh well with my personality, and educated. That’s it. Nothing about looks or money even lol. Yet people have the audacity to tell me even that it too much 😂