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Recently I saw a post on Lipstick Alley regarding Iyanla Vanzant telling Eboni K. Williams (of RHONY fame) that she should consider dating a bus driver. In response to the topic, Ms. Williams posted this video on IG. Of course she's being flamed to the gods by other black people for having standards (even Nikole Hannah Jones of 1619 Project fame stepped in to drag her).
There is nothing wrong with being a bus driver, and if one works for the civil service sector (ie state/city/county run transport), they can bring in a very stable income. However, Ms. Williams is a high powered attorney and desires someone of a similar profession (aka assortative mating). Yet as long as I can remember, professional BW are always told to lower our expectations when it comes to finding a mate and not seek an equal, but a man who may have "potential" 🙄.
It's worsened with the internet; the non stop memes about how black women are lonely bc we turn down a good man who doesn't make a lot of money, why we should accept $25 walmart rings and other inane questions regarding BW accepting reverse hypergamy....or how Obama met Michelle when she was his boss and was driving a jalopy (without context- as he had two Ivy League degrees and was a board certified lawyer by the time he met her.
Also, what these idiots don't mention are the costs of BW being in such relationships.
It pisses me off! Why is it OK for white, Latina, Asian, and MENA women to desire a mate on their level or higher, but with us BW, we're "gold diggers" or "classist" for saying the same? I'm over this. I've heard this talk from my own family, ever since I was a teen and I am now of a "certain age". I personally would prefer someone who is white collar and educated myself, making an equal salary or more. I've been called names in the past due to this, but IDGAF so there's that.
I wish the dusties and pick mes would leave BW alone. Black women have the right to want what we want.
ETA: Cynthia G made my day with this video.
Misogynoir is the reason. BM hate BW as a class. More BW are divesting. Remember though “The community” also includes wise, leveled-up advisors like Shera7, who would say BW should avoid duties and just date another man if the first one fails to treat her correctly. I really think the old wack ass notions of “building a man” and “struggle love” is getting called out so much more than in the past.
Stay strong!! BW aren't falling for the bs anymore and frankly are in the best position to well and truly pivot away from patriarchy and towards female-first relationships because of the substantial power differential between them and BM (when you get down to the numbers). Educated and financially independent women have actual mating choice, which means men have to adhere to their standards. BW have so much education and financial independence relative to their male peers that many are no longer accessible to them - hence the social media shit-talking. Plenty of men will happily meet their standards, but maybe not a BM statistically.
It's because of misogynoir. Black women aren't seen as equal to none-black women. Which is why there is rhetoric of "feminism is a white women's thing." They had to buy into the bullshit so you have to as well because of your skin color. It's backwards.
Struggle love.
When the FDS subreddit was active, someone posted this video:
The creator hasn't made any more videos, which is a shame, but her stuff is worth watching.
Women, black or not, are told to marry down and out of their comfort zone. It's a scam perpetuated by the patriarchy to ensure every scrote has a mate.
Do not cave. Marry someone you admire. Do not marry down to make others happy.
It's not just black women. All women are told to date down, lower our standards, etc. I'm Hispanic biracial and I get told all the time to lower my standards.
as if a bus driver would treat women any better than a man with a high paying job. where are the men settling for less? oh yeah, that's impossible because to settle for less they would have to settle for men.
I didn’t realize how shitty BM as a whole are to BW, until I started watching Deborah Cooper. And then I started watching Cynthia G and BurbnBougie, and now I am 100% for BW—no, all women—never touching BM’s peens again. It’s disgusting. I hope all men with these attitudes die miserable and alone (And chances are, they will).
Men see sex, dating amd relationships as a human right that is owed to them just for existing as male. A woman (of any race, really) saying, "I don't date X man" angers them, just like it angered MLK to hear about Hispanic worker's mistreatment. Does that technically affect him/them? No. But men see themselves as a class oppressed by women so they still call out women who have nothing to do with them
Serena williams has a man high in value, Chiara too, even a scrote was making fun of Serena Williams husband calling him a cuck while he’s a chinless fat manlet. Men hate other men who don’t treat women like the manosphere want them to and are called cuck, white knights or simps, but little do these idiots know simps cause the least problems.