I'm disappointed in my male relatives

It’s not your job to raise your little brother, it’s your dad’s responsibility. Unfortunately, since your dad doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with watching porn, your brother doesn’t think so, either.

Welcome to the "disappointed in our fathers (and brothers)" club.

It's sort of a rite of passage, in a way.

Now you know - even men who seem good can have negative values.

Yeah, it got me reeling at first, but now I try to look on the bright side - it also taught me to be more careful not to get myself stuck with one of these men in my love life.

We can try to be a good influence on them, but it's really not on us to be responsible for that, and the influence coming from the rest of the world is so much bigger, unfortunately.

Most people believe any sexual urge they have is personal, sacred, and contained in a magical bubble where it is removed from their own politics and cannot indirectly harm anyone. Most men, even when they are nice to women, do not question things like their own role in hurting women unless they are specifically provoked to think. The only men I know that are critical of porn and masturbation are devout religious men, men into ascetic philosophies, and radical feminists. This provokes deep unselfish thinking. This is a small amount of men compared to male chauvinists and liberal feminists.

My brother has some hv qualities. He was raised by parents that taught him since he was little to be independant and smart. However, that doesn't mean he was not vulnerable to the awful male socialization when growing up. The truth is: you're not to blame for your brother's shitty behavior. The current culture we live in affects men and turns them into only a shadow of the sweet little boys they used to be, and this is not women's fault. That's why I hate it when a boy does something bad and everyone immediately points at the mother, no context needed.

Most men are lv and that includes our most dear male relatives. We are afraid to watch our little cousins, brothers, nephews and even sons grow up and notice they have lv traits. But that's not our responsibility, the way we raise little boys is important but it's not everything. Male role models are important, media is important, culture is important, but everything seems to be full of sexist, liberal and misogynistc bs... Women can only help little boys to a certain point but after that we can't do much more for them.

I can understand your disappointment. Even if we’re surrounded by lvm our perception of it feels abstract for the most part, until we’re confronted with it in our male relatives. Also having to have your heckles up with family members creates a sense of disillusionment. I think your brother can still be redeemed but it’ll be slow going and require some emotional labor if you’re inclined in that direction. There’s also no guarantee as male socialization is more powerful than intimate female influence. But it’s your brother, so I presume you want him to at least have many hv traits even if he’s not HV entirely. See it as a covert long term mission you’re carrying out mostly for your own benefit — having a male family member for allyship and protection. Don’t push back. Teenage boys are more obstinate than a mule. Just start sending him or surrounding him with content that challenges his thinking. “Oh i saw this thing the other day about porn super interesting”: send links to the effects of porn, sex trafficking etc” Casual conversation and funny quips about HVM public figures and the aspects of their character that make them that way. If he’s not physically active or sporty start taking him hiking, rock climbing etc. Start a stealth reward system when he engages in HV discourse with your attention etc Major key is to change his algorithm to lean heavily towards HV content. Of course this is not your job and there are no guarantees. Best of luck!

Yeah, finding out my loving and devoted dad was a coomer literally killed all of the love and respect I had for him. It’s just such a pathetic and degrading habit. I cannot waste my love those who see women as objects to masturbate to instead of human beings to connect with. Also, since finding that out I’ve also learned that my dad treats my mom like shit and that he’s cheated on her TWICE and that the sex is shit bc his dick is small. 💀 My mom won’t leave him tho, which upsets me, but she says she loves him and she’s toxic in her own ways, too. As she says, “I’m who he comes back to.” 💔 I call them a match made in hell cuz they enable the worst about each other. They also neg the shit out of each other and my mom will purposefully leave the stove on and destroy things just so he has to work more to fix it. I never understood WHY she did these things as a kid but now it makes sense. She’s trying to make him miserable (and by extension her kids) bc she was miserable and angry. Now they both don’t really see their kids ever tho. So. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But yeah, the worst part of this is finding out just how many relatives, acquaintances, neighbors, friends, etc are all N/LVMs. It’s a huge wake up call. Cuz we all want to believe the best about the men we love, but the sad reality is that most men are absolutely worthless human beings who add nothing to women’s lives and it’s better to simply not put up with them. Obviously we are forced to interact with them due to work and the fact they exist, but we don’t have to let them into our private lives. So just stay guarded and get away asap. I know you’re only 16, but I’d be working on an exit plan cuz coomer men are dangerous. :/