I’m Being Gaslit by Mom so Hard Rn

I believe that my father is addicted to painkillers. He‘s been on codeine for about nine years and doctors are trying to ween him off it.

She’s been justifying his actions for lashing out at us. So far, he has been cussing us out. she thinks it’s okay for him to drop the f-bomb randomly in public. He could be walking in public and out of the blue he could literally scream “fuck you!!”

About two days ago, we were in the living room, I was working from home, and my mom was just sketching, my father throws a laundry basket on the floor. my mother asked what was wrong he told her to shut up. I told him that it wasn’t how he should to my mom. He told me to fuck off. He ran downstairs and started yelling “fuck, fuck fuck!”

I’m trying to have a decent conversation with her about what happened two days ago. She keeps gaslighting me and each time, it’s my fault for a different reason lol. Today, it’s because I had a bad day at work, so I’m taking it out on her and my father. I was a bad daughter for taking out my stress on both of them. The thing was, I literally fell asleep the whole day. I haven’t even talked to my father or tried to apologize, because I’m still upset. We didn’t talk yesterday. The day of the incident, I felt so disrespected as my mom acted like nothing happened, and when I confronted him about it, he acted like he was the victim. Honestly, I don’t what to do. My mom knows that I depend on them for food and shelter as I am in grad school and can’t exactly move out. In times like this, I really want to leave them, but I can’t because of school. If I were to move out, I wouldn’t make it on my own. She uses this against me most times to get me to cooperate.

I can no longer have a decent conversation with my mother because she keeps avoiding the conversation. She will literally get up gas light me and leave the conversation. It’s been happening for two years. Today, she also told me this crazy story about this girl who just so happens to be about my age, ethnicity, and profession going missing. A quick Google search about this particular didn’t show up and I called her on it. Lol

I only have a year and a half of schooling left and I’m hoping to leave all of this behind. I feel like there’s literally no hope in helping her as she quit her job to care for my father, and gas lights me while babying him.

I‘ve been thinking about doing my own research to see if there are any resources and therapy offered by my school to part time students. My work doesn’t offer any therapy sessions because I’m on contract and those resources are only available for full time staff.

As I’m writing this, she tried having another conversation with me to lighten the mood. Honest to God, you just gaslighted me and ran upstairs, I’m unhappy and now you’re trying to have another conversation with me?

I know she means well, but at times like this, I feel like it would benefit me to have my own space. Recently, I took up an extra part time job, and I realized that I’d rather be outside risking the chance of getting COVID instead of being around them. In all honesty, if either companies offers me a work from home option, I would reject it all. At this point, work is my escape from home life. I hate being home with a mother that is manipulative and a father who can’t control his actions.