I lost hope. I don’t know if it’s worth trying living as woman anymore

You're spiraling and catastrophizing right now. It's understandable, I've been there. I suggest going offline and doing things you love instead of reading horror stories of abusive men online or ruminating about the fact that men suck. Despite the bleak state of men, the world is not entirely black and white which is hard to see when you're upset and emotionally dysregulated. Constant apprehension and hypervigilance is not a way to live. Many women who have gone through trauma expect and want predictability, I know how it feels, but you have to develop trust in yourself to deal with whatever comes your way instead of dwelling on the fact that bad stuff might happen. Bad stuff can always happen. There is no risk-free life. Many of us here are not ready to give up on our desire to be in a loving partnership, otherwise this forum wouldn't exist. You can realize that you're not getting what you want right now but also not freak out about it so much. Being needy for a relationship makes you an easy target for manipulation. A good relationship can come your way when you least expect or need it because then you're free to actually connect with others from a healthy place instead of the fear of ending up alone.

A relationship = one point of failure.

Research shows married people abandon their friends/family, are less active in their communities, and generally close themselves off from the world.

The best solution is to create yourself a community of good people to do stuff with. It'll take the pressure off, get you circulating and living your best life without a man.

As for not trusting men? I totally get it, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that men are so inherently lazy that their masks slip. Watch for tiny details, they can't help themselves.

You've gotta let it go or you'll never be happy without it. Being attached to things we don't have makes us unhappy.

Giving up may make you feel more at peace. That's how I've felt at least.

You do sound depressed, because it's not normal to feel like you don't want to live anymore and there is no hope for anything.

There are a lot of reasons to feel pessimistic and sad as a woman for sure, but I don't believe it's impossible to find real love and respect from a man, it just takes a lot of patience and vetting (because most men are LV indeed, but not all).

If you keep having terrible experiences with men then maybe it's because you are just unlucky and a lot of men are trash, yes, but maybe it's also because there's something you need to change about your vetting process. Where are you meeting these men that you try to have a relationship with? Are you meeting them in places that are likely to have men that aren't looking for anything serious like clubs? What flaws are dealbreakers to you and what flaws do you tolerate in your male partners? Maybe your parents had a dysfunctional relationship so you tolerate certain flaws in men that you shouldn't? Maybe there are red flags that you don't see because your parents did not properly show you what a healthy relationship looks like? These are the type of questions that you need to ask yourself to improve your vetting skills.

You seem depressed to me because you focus a lot on the bad and seem to gloss over the good a lot.

When you talked about your family for example, you only mentioned your brother. How's your relationship with your sister and your mother (and your father if he's in the picture)? If they are good people, maybe you should focus more on nurturing a good relationship with them and try to have as little contact with your brother as possible. If your brother is an ass, it's okay to cut him off, even if he's family.

As for street harrassment, it is a thing, but it's not constant, is it? Most of the time, when you walk on the street you don't get harassed, right? Do you think you can focus more on the times like these when the harassment doesn't happen? Sexual harassment and assault are real terrible things and it's normal that you're angy and worried that they exist, but being angry and worried won't make them go away, so the best thing you can do to not go crazy with worry and anger is to shift your focus and remember that they are relatively rare occurances.

As for the workplace, I don't think that women not being taken seriously is an omnipresent thing, it depends on the type of job that you do and the type of colleagues that you have. Women are less likely to be taken seriously, true, but it's not a hopeless, constant, inescapable thing like you seem to think it is. We have to work harder than men to get respect but we can get respect. It's not as hopeless as depression (and maybe also lack of life experience) will have you think it is.

Men aren't cherished and loved everywhere actually, many of them are all alone because they're ugly or socially inept and they can't actually all have beautiful women just with a car and romance. I'm not saying that to defend men, I'm saying that because when you realize that a lot of men also struggle and suffer from loneliness and rejection, you feel less alone in your pain and less lonely. It helps you feel better.

I think that before trying to get a boyfriend, you should try to make more friends. Even when you're single, you don't have to travel alone, go to concerts alone etc, you could do all of that with a group of close female friends. And the best way to make new friends as an adult isn't by meeting people in hostels, it's by getting a hobby and regularly sharing that hobby with other people. You can do that by joining a club or a class for example. If you see people regularly and you practice a common interest with them long enough, you naturally start to bond and become friends with at least some of them.

Don't give in to hopelessness, it will only make you depressed and less capable of doing what it takes to protect yourself against misogyny. Life isn't fair and a lot of it is trash but there is also a lot of good in it. Focus on building a friend group of like-minded people who you can enjoy the good with and who you can vent to when you deal with all of the horrible misogyny in this world. Having good friends makes all of the bad in life feel a lot less unbearable. If you have good friends you will also care less about having a boyfriend, and the fact that you have a full social life and a less depressed outlook will make you more likely to vet properly and to attract and keep a good man.

I know how you feel, I relate to a lot of the things you've said because I am going through the same thing. I know its hard,when your family sucks, when you have to come back home to an empty house, when you have to do everything by yourself, when you crave intimacy but don't have it, when you don't get the wage it feels like you deserve - life is hard like that, it is really really hard.

You say about your struggles to find a life partner and are sick of going out and doing things alone - this is completely understandable. However have you not considered female friendships? You can do all those activities you listed with friends. Female friendships are much safer, you will find much more support. Relationships with men will often bring us women grief. And yes men suck, this does not mean you need to be alone. If you get closer to women, especially married ones or ones in relationships, you might realise you're not missing out on much. Many women struggle in relationships and families, they lose out on their career and have to make huge sacrificies when their men makes them pregnant and have a child.

All of what you said is true but do not go too deep into victim mentality. It does not serve us. You do not NEED a life partner, you do not HAVE to spend money on clothes, you're digging yourself a hole that is making you more depressed. And good men do exist, ignore the low value ones, they are insigificant. Ignore their posts on social media and ignore LVM aquaintainces. Yes they are porn sick instead of seeking intimate relationships - GOOD, if they are capable of getting pornsick they likely have issues anyway and are suffering for their addictions, so just ignore them. You are falling into a pattern of negative, black and white thinking ie "all women are suffering" are you saying no women around you are happy? not a single one?

" lost hopes in the world. I don't know if I want to continue. I am Sick of going to work and staying 9 hours make a company rich while I make money to pay the mortgage and eat and barely have moments of happiness...."

Girl, this sounds like depression. The good thing is you can overcome depression and become happier overall. You need to evaluate your life think about what you want, what changes you need to make and decentre men. Getting a man is not the number one priority of your life, despite what patriarchy tells us as we grew up. An intimate relationship is not the ticket to happiness, especially if you are not happy on your own. I advise seeking female friendships, discovering more hobbies, cutting things out from your life that are toxic and not serving you, and focusing on your personal goals.

Dogs and hobbies. make yourself too busy to care about scrotes and Pickmes.

Sister!! Seriously, I could have written this at my low points, minus the traveling. I would love to travel, but I don't have a partner to do it with and most of my friends are broke. I would love to go dancing (safely) or on day trips, but my life is just work and sleep. I feel sad a lot and like I don't have opportunities to go out and just be social. The more I stay in, the more I think I am not enough for someone to be nice to me. Which is nuts. I intellectually know it is from NVM exes treating me poorly when i would make good cheerful company, look cute for them, or do nice things for them (like cooking them something they liked, but it was always met with apathy despite many people raving about it). All the things women, family, friends, strangers, have complimented me on, most of the men I dated figuratively shat on it, and acted like I was crazy for thinking I was even close to gaining respect from them. I know what would help me is getting a regular steady girl gang for things like brunch, low level sports, traveling, etc...

I agree with @PlainSimpleTailor that things look extra bleak when you feel depressed. While women's oppression comes from men's treatment of us and the messages/reality of the patriarchy, we can still opt out of their ideals. I fight everyday with the notion i am "expired' or 'undesirable" because of my age or because most men would rather choose p()rn over me. If you encounter men who mistreat you, that was their choice, and they are shooting themselves in the foot. Like you said; they are missing the real beauty and wonder of the world in favor of cheap dopamine hits at the expense of others' suffering.

@golddustwoman has some amazing posts about appreciating the world on her own. You're not crazy. But you don't have to suffer.

There was another post about this, where someone wisely said "we can make lemons out of lemonade, but we can still acknowledge lemons are sour." This doesn't mean you have to pretend that you would rather be happily partnered. You're not forcing yourself to feel anything and make any depression worse. But, at the same time we can acknowledge the patriarchy and liberal feminism are hateful, distorted, and recipes for women feeling mentally ill (who wouldn't, if they were treated as if they were less of a person)?

Yes, while men can also have terrible life circumstances and relationships, this stuff is so widespread. But we can still "opt out." We can acknowledge undeserved hate from society/patriarchy hy/random blokes but we don't have to buy what they're selling. The reason why it hurts so much is because you literally have probably been indoctrinated with these messages, over and over, since birth. Patriarchy tells you men are more "human" than women. It's cope for people who hate themselves or for people who are unable to appreciate spiritual gifts in a community like love, respect, compassion, connection, etc.

Let's start small: what is your favorite hobby or interest? Especially something niche, or something that made your exes irritated/contemptuous? You are a single woman , which means you don't have to answer to a controlling husband, a "stay at home" manchild, or an underemployed elitist neckbeard. It is literally soul death (IMO) to have to make yourself tolerate men who nitpick everything about you: looks, interests, hobbies, clothes, everything. When their words try to echo back in my mind, I have to force myself to do something else to keep them from taking rent in my mind. But, at the end of the day, the temptation to polish the turd of a LV/NV connection is always outweighed by the pain, suffering, depression, and desire to escape when you are with the wrong person. I would rather relocate across the world and learn a new language than try to force attraction to a man who disrespects me, verbally tears me down, and expects sexual servicing.

You may be lonely but you are free. We are free. And if anyone judges you for your existence as a woman or your singlehood,, they are not worth your time...

ETA: A good female therapist (fds-aligned/old fashioned feminist) may help a lot!

I just identify with my own species and gender, Human and Biological female when it comes to real women's rights to privacy, such as no biological males aka trans women in my woman only community. It's a right of biological females to deny them.

I do whatever I human can do and what's within my human rights, I live the way a human can and that pretty much defeats the social control men place on women by saying " A real woman submits, or let men have the final say in your decisions" or a real woman wouldn't wear or behave like that" lol no, I've been a bird with clipped wings for too long because of dumb pickme women and I'm sick of it. Nobody will remember me as a programed robot so I won't settle for that.

I’m with you on all of this. It’s awful.

Yep you're right about all of that. Welcome to the dark side.