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I went out to a concert recently by myself. Could I have found a friend to come with me? Sure. Sometimes I just prefer to do things on my own - shocking! Nothing against any of my friends.
I go and enjoy the show, and as I'm leaving, a guy comes up to me and strikes up some conversation. At first it's pretty normal, we talk about the band, whatever. Then he compliments my appearance and asks if I came with my boyfriend. I say no, I'm single. Then he says, so you came with some friends? I say no. This breaks something in his brain.
He seems bewildered that I didn't even come with any friends, I explain that none of my friends knew who the band was or people already had plans. His reply was something like "But even if they didn't know, no one wanted to come out with you?" or whatever. I just shrug and say either way, I also don't mind doing things on my own, I am just as satisfied to do something by myself. I should've walked away because this pissed me off so bad. I don't know or care if he was trying to imply this on purpose but I hated the implication that I am one of the following: a loser with no friends, a person with shitty friends, or a person who is so shitty their friends don't want to hang out with them. It's like he couldn't comprehend a woman wanting to specifically do something by herself without there being some underlying reason. He was in his mid 20's so maybe he just cared more about that sort of thing, idfk.
Then at some point he asked about my family (???) and again tried to ask about a potential boyfriend or whatever, and made some comment about like....me being a young girl just out alone at night in the city. I am in my late 20's with a full time job, my family lives elsewhere, I certainly have many friends who care about me and many friends that I told about the concert I was attending in, in a well known city with a low crime rate, in a well known neighborhood (with tons of people around, even when the show got out) with a low crime rate. Why the fuck would anyone be worried about me being out at 11-12 at night? I do look a bit younger but I feel that I carry myself like an adult so it's not like I have people leering at me thinking I'm an easy young target or something.
Idk, it was giving "trying to figure out how easily I could kidnap you for a couple days". Idk why I bothered to give him my time. I do generally avoid men in public, but I have been wanting to be a bit more comfortable with like just being extroverted with strangers, maybe even flirting here and there when I'm 'out on the town', as I have a discomfort that definitely doesn't help me in my dating life. Instead it just pissed me off lol.
I don't know what that guy's deal was but I agree that his reaction was problematic. On a side note, I also like to go out on my own sometimes and I have also received strange looks and comments like "Oh, it's just you" in a judgemental tone. I don't know why people think that a woman dining or going out alone is so shocking. Men do it all the time and they don't get judged.
Well done to you OP!
Others have already said it: he was intimidated by you. Men project a lot. He felt insecure being there on his own and felt even more insecure that you didn’t feel insecure going by yourself. We also know that men like to judge women for doing the same thing as them which is why a man can feel that he’s done nothing wrong if he’s cheated but a woman has if she was the one to cheat.
So many men hate their own company so they think all women are like them (i.e. constantly needing to be with someone), which is why he was very confused to see you doing something by yourself and being OK doing so. Him trying to imply that you’re odd for or a loser is his arrogance and insecurity showing. Arrogance in the sense that he thinks he has a right to judge you.
Ignore twats like him. He just showed you then and there that he’s a waste of time and space.
fucking hell this is a thing now? i go out alone all the time because im otherwise at home with toxic boomer folks and that forced me to enjoy my own company. but also hauling several people around for errands isn't my idea of a fun time.
yes i have noticed i feel singled out intentionally when im in certain places.
Sounds like he wanted or expected you to feel afraid. He is either stupid, predatory, or both.
In the future, remember you don't have to answer anyone's questions. You don't need to follow any conversational rules. You can legitimately say nonsense, half truths, unrelated things, surreal jokes, animal facts, wild rants, or fully troll them.
E.g.
"Are you here alone?"
"Wow I love that last song, what a great beat!" And start dancing
"It's unusual to see a woman go out alone at night. It's not safe"
"That's definitely not true." Shrug with no expression and let the silence grow. Don't explain why
"Why didn't you bring a friend?"
"Why would I do that?" And laugh
"It's a shame you couldn't find someone to go with!"
"Uhhh not really" and walk away
"Don't you feel lonely going out by yourself?"
"I feel hungry. Weren't you supposed to get me tacos?" And act mad like he did something wrong
"Aren't you afraid being out here by yourself?"
This is where I start talking about mosquito genetics or something in high detail very quickly and don't stop. In fact you can even follow them, still explaining mosquito genetics, while they try to escape you.
"Do you have a bf?"
"Why do you care?" And yawn without covering your mouth
They don't try to make sense or be polite. We don't have to either.
When I was younger I would answer them. Now I cut it short. The less the guy knows about me the better, and I'd even be concerned about him knowing I was alone. I go out on my own all the time, so it doesn't stop me, I've reached that level of caution with men.
You handled it well. You should be compensated to even have a conversation with him. On an unrelated note, could you teach me how do you go to a concert alone. I can do everything alone accept attend a general access concert alone.