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I think I'm officially done on finding the right person altogether. I'm 30. I don't drive/have a car. I left a city that pretty much chewed me up and spat me out after a year of some crappy jobs and with my weight fluctuating/no money to get stylish clothes or make up, I think it's just time for me to accept I'll never find happiness or a family of my own. I'll never have a career to feel pride in or anything. I give up. I'm tired. I don't want to fight this fate that's loomed over my head since I realized I was considered weird and ugly as a teenager.
What triggered this was me finding out a long time crush has another child and a partner. For the longest time I stupidly thought he was single and I fed my delusions with the hopes of seeing him and letting my feelings known.
But reality has settled in, and it's just.. it's over. I've always seemed to suffer from these painful, unrequited experiences and I'm just exhausted. I don't want to hope anymore. I don't even want to feel. I envy people who describe themselves as aromantic, I truly don't want to feel love after this.
sis, the only love you need in your life is self love.
i understand you're tired. how can one not be? the world is cruel to women. we can't age in peace, we can't find love, we must marry and become mothers, we must have it all. except we don't!
a partner, a family... those things will just make you miserable. i say focus on your career because that's for you. and that's important for you to be financially independent and have resources (we all need money after all) to take care of yourself. that's the most important thing. so you're right to give some things up, but not all of them. don't waste all your energy trying to find a man because that's too exhausting and demotivating. you need to find yourself above all.
don't give up on being happy. take care of your mental health, as you sound very much depressed. in the end we only have ourselves, so we should treat us as the most important person ever.
I've given up on looking for a partner too. Please don't give up on everything and yourself, a romantic partner doesn't have to be the be all end all of the pursuit of happiness. I wish I could pick you and your spirit up, put the warm sun on you and help you grow. (This gloomy time of year SUCKS)
You have the unique opportunity to free yourself from the lodestone of “finding the right man” that’s around your neck. Once I gave up and started focusing on myself, life got better. Better jobs, better clothes, nice perfume and makeup, a great gym membership in NYC where I could go to the salt water pool and sit in the steam sauna anytime I wanted to, etc. The pressure women out on themselves and that society foists upon us to find a great man, when almost none of the men are great or are even looking for anything serious, just wastes so much of your time and energy. Focus on you and finding a job that suits you and pays the bills. Get a hobby that’s positive for your health and well being. And don’t worry about what men want, like, or think. Make yourself into the best you that you can be.
Sending you hugs ❤️. I know the feeling of shame, inadequacy and hopelessness when you realize that the men that broke you are doing just fine in their life, and you're perpetually struggling through the 1000 shades of PTSD that they gave you, or made worse. I'm having a lot of these feelings this very week after a very long time (thanks PMS, I guess), and I forgot how much they suck. I haven't found a permanent cure for this, besides the usual "therapy" advice (which did help), but in the past month I had a powerful reframing of this phenomenon, thanks to goldustwoman's reading list on limerence.
In these book about limerence, Lucy Bain says that when we end up in unrequited situations, we are attracted to something about that person that you want to be. Before reading this, it never made sense to me why would I keep comparing myself and my accomplishments with those of my exes and my crushes?? Of all people?? But now I'm like ooooooh. These men are more like a compass to what I want in life rather than the measure of my value.
I haven't fixed it, but I'm working on it from a different angle. It's all a projection of my own insecurities, suppressed desires and need, internal conflicts. I'm going through this "flare up" by thinking, "I will get through this by processing this other things. These thoughts telling me I'm inferior to my ex are not reality. I have my own journey and as much as it's hard, I own it, it's mine and there's an intrinsic value is that". To be honest, no contact is also life saving during this phases. You don't need to know what your exes are up to, so stop letting that info get to you. Be in your here and now. It's not an easy or comfortable step for me, but when I do surrender to the present moment, things start to flow. And flow brings changes and healing.
Love ❤️❤️❤️
good. work on finding and feeling love for yourself because you locked yourself into repetitive cycles of self-abuse and seeking approval from everyone except yourself.
Don’t give up. Please. You will be able to find a job that you like. Like people said, life is not easy, but don’t feel bad because you can’t find a man. Use that energy to find a job that you like or learn a new skill that will help you find a job. I live alone in another country and sometimes I feel lonely as hell. I have no one from my family to go to and when this happens I just take some time to process and refresh then I start focusing on hobbies and plans for future. You are very young and you can still find love at any time. Life can change in a day. Finding a man is not hard just for you, pretty much everyone here is struggling with those scrotes treating us like shit on a daily basis. Use FDS to build your confidence and never feel bad again because you still haven’t find love.
Right there with you on this. Hugs.
i give up looking for a partner even though i am 21. I still have my 20’s but i really don’t care to spend my 20’s worried about men. I do plan on going to grad school and furthering my education and working. i just feel like for me that a family of my own and marriage won’t make me complete. idk what love is to be honest and it’s not a priority of mine. i would suggest finding hobbies and trying new things. i would if i had the money and the free time.