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I know this isn’t dating related but I’m at my tether and I know on one of the podcasts when dealing with other toxic women is to be respectful of them and just keep away. But how do you do this when it’s your toxic female neighbour who harasses you constantly??
Its been 4yrs since I confronted her about her anti social behaviour outside my property. I was polite and amicable in the beginning but i totally flipped out on her and another neighbour one evening as I’d had enough. I stopped talking to her and just got on with my life. Since then she’s had it in for me and upped the anti. She thinks she owns the street and ALL my other neighbours enable her behaviour so I’ve stopped having anything to do with all of them. I’ve tried talking to a few of them but they don’t want to get involved or don’t care whats been happening to us. I occasionally wave but that’s it. I’ve been undergoing a smear campaign by them for so long now. So far She’s hosed my cat, wounded my cat (can’t prove this but I know she has), thrown stones over that almost hit my friends in my garden (police said as I have no proof I can’t do anythin), stabbed my sons basketball that went over hers (she denied), verbalised threats about me, reported me for parking in her car space (she hasn’t got a car) puts things about me on social media, shouts at my children if they play outside the front (I don’t let my kids out the front now but her kids play out there!), playing loud music and constantly drinking, shouts at my dog, sends me letters if I have a bbq saying I need her permission (I still have them without asking for permission ha!), her son constantly smoking weed and is growing it (I have photo proof as they put the plants in the back garden for sunlight but police don’t care ). I actually got in touch with the last owner and she had problems with her also. Ive had to get cctv around my property to help me feel safer. She doesn’t like this and yesterday I caught her on camera hosing my camera and sticking her finger up and another neighbour telling her to hose my other cameras around the back. My window was covered in water too! But I say nothing! My son has even built me a gate on the driveway so when we go for walks with the dog we don’t have to exit the front where they constantly congregate. It’s so intimidating. It feels like if I do anything remotely annoying (that isn’t intended) to her she punishes me for it. Hell she even shouted obscenities at a cooing pigeon in a tree in her garden once lol!
Me and my family keep to ourselves and nobody knows my business here anymore and I don’t talk to anyone and I try my hardest not to retaliate when she starts as it’s what she wants but also in limbo as she doesn’t listen to my concerns so it’s getting worse if I do nothin too. I’ve involved my housing officer and they are useless they suggest mediation but I’ve refused as she isn’t reasonable and it will make matters worse.The police are useless also. I’ve reported so many times. I’ve tried to move for years by an exchange but nothing follows through and I can’t afford to private rent yet but that is my plan as soon as I can. I’ve spent so much time and work on my home too.
It’s taken me so long to try and not let her effect me and to heal. I’ve even come to terms with all the neighbours taking her side and enabling her. Even the ones i was quite close to. I’ve educated myself on covert narcissism as I believe she has these traits. So sticking to the techniques has helped but I’m tired! My life is going great apart from this. My friends and family say she is jealous of me but that doesn’t make me feel any better, it’s no excuse. I fear having friends or family over now. But I still do it as I know she wants control and to isolate me. Damn even us having fun and laughing in my garden is deemed punishable. She is so petty. My life isn’t dictated by her and I’m not causing harm to anyone. We are both single parents and I feel she is doing it because I haven’t got a man here. Ive thought of going round a few times to talk things over but going on past experience and my anxiety I feel it will fall on deaf ears and increase the harassment or I would get angry and god knows what I’d do!
I thought these childhood playground strategies were long gone but it carries on into adulthood and it’s disappointingly hurtful still. I’ve thought of ways to get her back by also doing petty things but I don’t as she’d probably catch me as she knows everything I do or it will escalate further and I’ll be just as bad as her. It’s so tough taking the high road believe me!
I dread every summer as it always starts…roll on winter lol!
Not sure why I put this here but I really needed to vent. I’m sorry it’s not dating related. But I feel that some toxic women really don’t deserve our respect, love and sisterhood. Some just want to destroy you and it needs to stop!
Im having a bbq today as my son and his girlfriend are visiting so wish me luck haha!
I' sorry you have to deal with all that. She sounds a total nightmare.
I understand wanting to lash out in some form; the only person I ever wanted to seriously injure was a narcissist. Ultimately it won't help, hurting them is only a temporary catharsis, and if she finds out what you do she'll use it as ammo against you.
There is simply no way to win with a narcissist like her. Distance is the only real solution, but it's hard for you to achieve.
Get a German Shepard or Dobermann?
This is a terrible situation. You've got only a few, bad, choices.
The first is move. If only a couple of blocks you can keep your kids in the same schools and have the same commute to work. Or just use this as an opportunity and move someplace different.
The second choice is to escalate legally. Talk to a lawyer immediately - all metro areas have a lawyer referral service(s). For lawyers to keep their bar license some states require some sort of public service; many choose to do pro bono work for these referral services. Call them and describe your problem - you'll get referred to one or two attorneys that practice in harassment suits. You'll need to start gathering evidence (like your recordings) and see if former owner will testify.
Along these lines you could also hire a private detective, first to gather evidence and second to see if there is any "dirt" in her history that you could use against her.
Finally the last choice is really to escalate tit for tat - this last one isn't good for your soul however immediately satisfying it might be. It involves making this war so costly that she actually stops. And if you choose this make sure you're willing to do just that - make it so costly for her that she stops.
Regardless, you need to realize there is no "winning" against a crazy person. Do what you can to keep you and your family safe.
Start using your cameras as evidence and if the police are corrupted, get on to your government officials next.
If you can not move, than you have to fight evil with evil, you can find out what traumatic experience she had or what enabled her to trigger so she’ll out of fear get away. It’s usually something she did and feels responsible of, but is still ignorant about it. Narcissistic need to be in fear of their own life in order to avoid you. It can be an experience or a sentence or maybe a certain decoration in your garden.