How to cope? Level-up journey that seems to not be moving..

I feel this. I made a somewhat similar post about this topic, too. It feels incredibly lonely to be striving towards self-improvement when you don't have (many) other people around you doing the same. It really seems like the odds are stacked against us. I, too, sometimes thought back to the life I could have had with my high-status ex, but I always come back to the fact that he wasn't actually "leveled up" just because he had money and an impressive education / career. Status =/= HV. I was miserable with him and I would have been even more had I stayed with him, and this wasn't due to my inability to sufficiently keep up with him and attain the same goals like he always said. That's what narcs want you to believe, but it's not true. They want you to feel inferior to them, that's their entire game, and they usually target people who can be somewhat easily convinced of this. But again, it's not true. You have inherent value as a human being and woman.

Especially with social media we are fed these curated lives and think it must be our fault if we don't do and have the same things. The most important things in life usually can't be bought and they rarely happen at your job (with some exceptions). FDS is a great place to get straight facts about the world and its misogyny but it can also skew a little "girlboss"-y which I tend to ignore for the most part. We don't live in a true meritocracy. No one has it all or can do it all. That doesn't mean give up on improving, but also honor how far you've come and realize that your life doesn't begin after you've leveled up, your life is now. If you're unhappy now due to lack of outwardly visible achievements, chances are you won't be happy if you get them. Point is, becoming a truly well-rounded person takes time, a lot of time, and none of us are ever finished. It's easy to think that there's some place in the world where "everyone" has it all figured out and we just need to find them so we can be one of them, but that kind of thinking just makes us depressed. We only have this life and we need to make do with what we have. We can have healthy ambitions while realizing that not every outcome in life is entirely in our control.

I hear you and I totally agree with you. I've accepted that I can't control any of those other people in my life. All I can do is control me, and literally no one else in my life is looking out for me, so I'd better. I'm focused on trying to make money, working out such that my body is the way I want it, a couple creative hobbies, and probably moving to a better location soon.

I feel like I have next to no connection with anyone. The community connections I do have are superficial, and frankly, I'm inclined to keep them that way.

It IS very dark. At least you're not living in the Matrix anymore and you can see it all from the outside. I don't really have much advice. I think if you accept that it's all really dark though, little by little you WILL see even more of the truth that others can't see.

I thought I had found a solution - I joined a women's social group in my city and it was fabulous. Well organised, well attended and a variety of activities and I loved the community feel to it.

Until some of the women insisted that events be opened to include their spouses and now it's filled with LVM who bring very little to the table and spend most of the time on their phones.

It's disappointing that a genuine social outlet has to be hijacked by men for no obvious reason other than their wives worried they were left behind at home and can't possibly fend for themselves (or heaven forbid, start their own social group).

I'm finding that social connection, FDS or otherwise, is constantly evolving and I can't really rely on anything to be a medium or long term thing. It's immensely frustrating to have to keep starting over, so I absolutely feel you OP.

I hear you. We need to start intentional women communities irl. I don't know how to go about this, but at some points it needs to be done.

I remember hearing something along the lines of, “where you are right now is a direct result of choices you made a year ago. Where you’ll be one year from now is a direct results of choices you make today.” It‘s a really interesting thought that often runs through my mind and reminds me that change takes time and can happen slowly 💜 But being here amongst other FDS ladies is already putting positive change in your path!

i think writing about how you feel might help you process everything. then reading what you wrote after a while can be useful to understand where you were then.

the secret to coping imo is to trust yourself and respect your own limits. you don't have to be strong all the time. you can feel sad and lonely. but don't give up. the harder the process, the bigger the reward. you can do this!

Oh, wow! That is my life right there as well..every last bit of it. I feel ya and you are not alone, just to let you know. I can’t really offer much advice right now as I need some help, too. ((HUGS))

Focus on God and try to not drink too much.