How a job interview helped me realize something about hvm

I used to think I wasn’t good at interviewing people for roles. During interviews I sat in at, I was never really impressed with the candidates and had a hard time assessing whether they’d be a good fit. Even though many of them were hired (not as a result of my choice), I stayed lukewarm about their added value to the team.

And I always thought it was a ‘me’ problem. I always thought I was bad at reading people, that I was taking myself as reference too much, tried to see the good in them and reminded myself that someone doesn’t have to be an exact copy of myself to be of value.

But now! I recently interviewed someone for a role in our team and SHE IS IT. We are very different in many ways and she is not the kind of person who would be a friend (so I am not blinded by affection), but she is just exactly what we need. Has the right values, mindset and experience, the right specific skills we need, and the right approach about it. We had a much better conversation than I’ve ever had.

And then it clicked. Interviewing was never a ‘me’ problem. All those candidates before were just not really good fits. And I felt that. And due to lack of experience (i.e. knowing how it’s SUPPOSED to feel like), I thought I was the problem and unable to see a good match when it crossed my path.

Now I know that it exists. And also, it helps that I work at a better company, that suits me much better than the previous ones. The candidates that were picked back then were probably a good fit for the company, only I was not, and therefore the candidates were not.

This teaches me two things:

1. They are either it or not it. You don’t need to gaslight yourself, thinking you must be seeing it wrong or being too close minded. The good ones do exist and even if you don’t know what that feels like yet, your gut will tell you if they are NOT.

2. Your environment is important. Make sure to be in a place that’s a good fit for yourself as well. It’ll make it easier to choose people who match with you and this environment.

And that’s got me thinking: this probably applies to meeting a hvm, too. I now realize that I used the FDS strategies trying to will/manipulate lvm into hvm behaviour. I realize that I refused to accept what my gut feeling told me (‘this one isn’t it’) because I have little experience in how it’s supposed to feel.

Now I see I handled it the wrong way. They are either it, or they are not. There is no in between. And no need to debate myself about it or compromise on my standards.

And although meeting someone is not really within my area of influence, I can at least make sure that I am in the right environment for myself to grow and bloom, so I’ll better recognize a hvm if he does come along.