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I have something to get off my chest, so this post is mainly a vent. This may sound like I am taking pleasure in other women's unhappiness with low value men. Perhaps, but hearing what they tell me about their boyfriends and husbands is also frustrating to hear and they deserve better.
I started a new job last year, where there is many people at the stage of their life where they are settling down and starting families. As a 25 yo woman, I am starting to be around people at this stage in their life.
I swear to god, EVERY woman who I speak to has complained about their boyfriend and husbands (usually boyfriends).
The FDS handbook states why you should never move in with your BF. Never move in with a boyfriend you have no married as they will use women as convenience and free labour. With the cost of living rising worldwide, the temptation to move in with partners and save money has never been greater.
Here are some comment vents from women I hear daily at work and in my life;
I met a woman who had just broke up with her boyfriend of 12 years. Yes, BOYFRIEND of 12 YEARS should tell you enough. They mortgaged a house together and moved in together. Then he cheated on her. She then had to go through so much trouble to move out due to the house being mortgaged. She could not go no contact because of this. She had to stay in contact with the man who emotionally abused and cheated on her.
My work colleague was doing overtime and said last night she came home at 7PM from a 10 hour shift. She told me the next day, her two kids were asking her to make dinner. Her husband had been home all day, he said he could not make dinner because he was BUSY LOOKING FOR JOBS. He knows his wife will come home and deal with the kids for him. Even though she has a 1 hr commute and has done a 10 hour shift in an extremely busy workplace. She told me this casually with no anger, but deep down i think she knew it was wrong.
Another girl says how her bf does not do house chores. She said when she told him she had been doing the dishes all week by herself, his reaction was nothing but "..oh no". She said she gave him two simple chores to do (going to the grocery store) and she will handle the rest, which he apparently couldn't do either. This girl was speaking of MARRYING this man. Not an actual wedding either, because its too expensive.
Valentines day was a nightmare too. Hearing husbands spend time with his friends over their wifes on valentines day and the wife jokingly complaining. The husband excuses himself by saying "my friends arent spending time with their partners on valentines day either" WELL THATS OKAY THEN
Another one of my colleagues had a child with her bf, and they live together. He is about 9 years older than her. When she leaves for a holiday or a night out, her bf will say he is "babysitting" the child - his own damn child! Because to men, all the childcare and housework is a womans job.
In my work section, the working mums are absent from work pretty much half the time, because their children are sick, and guess who has to take care of that every time? they do. They are not single mothers literally, but they basically are.
This contributes in backlogs my section at work.
These women also stay stuck at the lower pay band roles, or literally have been demoted from supervisor to my role. I have just started. These women have been working at the company for years.
The common theme in all these women, is that their boyfriends and husbands expect them to be FREE LABOUR and FREE CHILDCARE. These men will leave it to the woman to take care of the child because they are entitled and lazy, When a special occasion like valentines day comes around, these men do not even SPEND TIME with their wives and gfs, never mind gifts or dates.
Lets do some math;
What do men get when they settle with a woman?
- Free childcare. Just teach the child how to do their shoelaces or something, parenting done for the day.
- Free maid, do not have to worry about cooking dinner or doing chores when getting back home, the gf will take care of it
- Cheap wedding
- Reduced costs on bills, rent etc because moved in with forever gf to reduce costs
- Have the freedom to do whatever you want. Having kids are not shackles, they are more reason to start new projects because its still providing for the family, right?
- Can use weaponized incompetence to get out of doing chores and get believed easily.
- When companies realise men are getting married or having kids, they are more likely to get a raise to help them provide and pay for that engagement ring.
- Continue working full time as usual and progressing their careers
- Access to unprotected sex whenever they want, because lets face it all these women are probably taking contraceptives for them
- Possibly get a mistress when the woman is so exhausted from all the labour she is doing and does not provide for his "needs" anymore
- emotional labour from their woman to deal with his poor stress and mental health issues. he will not return this for the woman as he is likely emotionally unavailable and "ITs WeAk FoR MeN to ShOw EmOTIONs and EMPaThy"
- a forever gf because they cannot be arsed to marry her
What do women get when they settle with a man?
- unplanned pregnancy because scrotes never use protection
- having to juggle a job with childcare, having to use all their sick days and annual leaves for when their child gets sick. Result is lack of promotions, less likely to get a raise, salary becomes stagnant.
- demotions and lack of progression at work because they have to shift from full time to part time.
- man who cannot even provide for them, pay for a nice engagement ring or wedding
- Possibly get cheated on by the man they settle with, or abused by their man
- zero help with household chores, have to ASK their scrote bfs and even then they probably wont do it
- husband or bf who cannot even get them gifts or take them on a date on special occasions
- free venting to coworkers about your shitty relationship
- forever bf who does not see them as worth marrying
- constantly having to provide for your children and husbands needs and never getting to take care of their own. Get to tell their coworkers how they never get a holiday or weekend or free time like its hilarious or something.
Can you see why men settle with women they don't even like or want to marry yet?
Seeing pick me women vent about their scrote partners makes me never regret breaking up with my abusive ex fiance and being single. I feel so calm and free, I have nothing holding me back except myself. I have no problem waiting around for a man who is worth it, because being single is far better for you than being with a scrote. I do not wake up in the mornings in tears anymore. My anxiety is not going through the roof anticipating if my bf will be in a bad mood or not. I do not have to constantly be a therapist for an energy vampire. I don't have to ask anyone to clear the mess because I made it and I clean up after my damn myself.
(Side note: If you are in a relationship with an abuser or man who generally makes you feel like shit, coming out of that relationship will make you feel so much happiness. If you watched Lord of the rings, it feels exactly like when Smeagol decides he is free from Golum and the ring. You can be yourself again, you have so much more energy, you can do whatever you want and talk to whoever you want without feeling like something is holding you back or possessing you. If you are with an abuser, and you know you should leave, DO IT, you will be so much happier)
The patriarchy has made it so that marriage, moving in with partners and having children benefits MEN, and keeps women at the low level that the patriarchy wants. Women are kept in their place, men get to rise to the top. Unfortunately, most men are scrotes because patriarchy allows them to be very easily, and most women will accept this behaviour even though its not even the bare minimum. FDS is completely right - do not move in with bfs, do not settle. Having high standards means you will more likely be alone and single like me. It is substantially better than settling with a LVM.
I will end this rant by asking, does anyone go thorugh the same as me? Do you listen to pick me friends and coworkers tell you about these awful situations they are in? Do you have to hold back because you can't tell them their bf is a PoS or low value? If you have kids, do you fear it compromising your career? Did you go through this wake up call when you entered the working world?
Sometimes I empathically hear them out but my mind is screaming back "HOW ARE YOU TOLERATING THIS?" Having high standards is me protecting myself from a tiresome, sad life that I hear about all around me.
I don't want what these women have. It makes me sick. It's a bad deal. I don't understand how they can't see it. I try not to judge, especially since they are brainwashed and programmed just like we used to be. But I just don't get it.
I get that some women are lucky and end up in happy marriages and families. That, I can understand. I can understand giving up part of your personal freedom to create a healthy, satisfying, high value family unit, if that's the lifestyle you want. I don't understand putting up with obvious injustice for a perceived benefit. I understand wanting intimacy, but with LVM is fake intimacy and I don't understand hanging onto that. Whether that's being bangmaids or kinkmeishas or the whole variety, I just can't relate to these women. At all. They all have men as a priority, in various ways.
I think I am lucky that my life is bigger than that. It isn't perfect, and I am in no way as leveled up as I want to be. But I think that ANY woman that has a life force in her and is not dead inside, eventually reaches the same conclusion. It's better to have high standard and being alone than accepting a disadvantageous deal, that destroys the life force in you.
The conclusions you've drawn from your observations are all true.
Here is a timeline of how it's gonna go for these people:
In about 10-12 years, you will begin to see these couples start to get divorced because the man cheated or was abusive.
A few years after that, you'll notice that every guy who hits on you is married. (It's the same men from above.)
A year or two later, you'll experience "the second wave": this is newly divorced men hitting on you.
Eventually, geriatric senior citizens will start hitting on you.
This is where I'm at now and I'm just over here like, "Ok I've dated hundreds of men in my life and literally all of them were actual criminals, rapists, felons, addicts, and none had all three of a job, a car, and goals in life. Now the elderly gentlemen are looking for a nurse. When do they get better?" And I'm learning the answer is never.
A coworker of mine has two young children with her live-in “fiancé,” and lately she has been constantly missing work due to the children (and then herself) being sick. Her fiancé is apparently nowhere to be found when there is a need for caretaking. He hasn’t been missing work at all. It makes me think very hard about how having children could impact my career and personal life. I believe I am dating a HVM, but I need to vet even harder in this area or else the consequences can be ruinous.
100% agree. I love that it's becoming more normalized for women to talk about how much of a raw deal we get in marriage and motherhood, but it burns me up inside when women will rant about how terrible their partner is and emotional labor and how much women's time is devalued but then end it with "But he's such a great dad/ he's my best friend/I love him though"
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
Seriously?!
I get it, the brainwashing is so deep, so many women feel like they have no other options. I guess I'm "lucky" that my father and the men in my family were such scrotes, I understood from very early on that the majority of men are vile creatures to be avoided. Not to say I never had any pick me beliefs but I'm in my mid twenties and have never dated any men and at this point, I may never. If a man isn't making your life 10x easier, what even is the point? Any intimacy/benefits you receive from being in relation with an LVM will come at the cost of your peace and your dignity and tbh, I'm way too egotistical to sacrifice any type of comfort for a man (or for a child for that matter). Thankfully my close friends aren't so bad (and I even got one of them to listen to the podcast, she loves it!) but when they get on their pick me bs, I just stay quiet because I don't want the headache of explaining FDS 101 to women who aren't ready to hear it. When it's time, they'll learn, but until then... It's not my cross to bear.
A woman being single is a modern luxury. I'm so appreciative of being able to be single. It would have to be an amazing HVM to make me even consider giving up my single status.
I JUST experienced this sadness yesterday and now I understand why women in the past used to poison their husbands once they got tired of them. I try to look on the bright side: this is what our foremothers tried and succeded to save us from. Thanks to Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, etc these women at least have the right to leave their scrotes whenever they realize he is trash.
But we will be oLd aNd lOnLeY wItH 50 cAts if we don't get married!!! ROFL 😂
You've literally written down what I discuss with my friends and think to myself. Everyday, I'm grateful that I am single because a large percentage of men are not worth it. Any woman with high standards will be single for a long time, if not, forever because men don't want to do better. That's the crazy thing - they don't want to change; they want women to accept their bad behaviour and are angry when we don't.
If I ever want to experience romance, I just watch a Hallmark movie and call it day. Real life men are a no for me!
They get ground down into accepting this like some sort of religion, where their struggle counts for something and they'll end up in some sort of heaven. They won't.
I think when women become mothers, they also become part of this club where they vent to similar people about similar troubles and that bonds them in a way that single women can't understand.
Damn. I’m a single mom and no one at work knows except my boss and maybe one more colleague. The rest don’t know my relationship situation but know that I have a child as he pops on camera sometimes when he is home with me. However, if I take a sick day or have appointments, I don’t mention for who 🤷🏻♀️ it’s not their business really 😆 … but if my partner makes so much more money than me, he can get me a nanny when I’m sick and help take care of the children which I’m sure he wouldn’t mind 👸🏼 or he will voluntarily take a day off to help on his own. But that’s only what a HVM would do.
I had to hold back when a friend of mine (who is divorced so should already know men aren't great to live with!) told me her soon-to-be live-in fiancé’s unruly teenager got expelled from school for threatening another kid with a deadly weapon - and then her fiancé immediately somehow (weaponized incompetence?) made this issue my friend’s problem to solve. 🤯 Nah! RUN SIS. Engagement needs to be cancelled. Move in plans shelved. Do not let this shitty dad’s parenting problems become your problems at all. My friend has teens of her own who don't need to be around his kid's violence and chaos. TF!
It sounds like we’ve had a similar experience. I got married to my abusive ex-husband at 21, we divorced last year when I was 25 and now I’m 26 living a way better life. I hear women complain about their boyfriends/husbands all the time and it makes me realize that my experience with my ex-husband was not unique, but a common experience among women. I no longer have a romanticized view of marriage or dating, and I don’t want kids anymore so it’s no longer a necessity for me. I hear so many stories like what you’ve listed, especially hearing women open up to me after I tell them I’m divorced. So many women are blinded by “love” in their relationships, it’s so sad and it makes me realize that I actually got lucky with my experience. I could have lived a miserable life with my ex for decades but I’m lucky I got out after a few years with a new mindset (big thanks to FDS!)
Women put up with all this because they either accept it as their duty, or because they were promised a reward. Neither of those things are real, sadly. Sacrifice yields women nothing. Worse than nothing, it's likely abuse that awaits her. Women throw away their dignity by conforming to patriachal standards because those standards were designed that way. You feel like you're a "good" wife and mother but that's all you'll have. These women so desperately cling to this feeling that they also tend to put down other women who are more "selfish". I get it, building a life with someone is never going to be all smooth sailing, but it can be so much easier than what the average woman has to endure, and we have been brainwashed into believing that's not possible or we don't deserve it.
I didn't expect a LOTR reference to be sprinkled in here, but you did it, and I'm all for it 😆
I love to hear about miserable relationships and what I’m not missing out on…makes the single journey even more appealing lol.
Its so satisfying to see other women realize this. Since I was a teenager I didnt care too much about relationships. I have always liked being single. it just feels so good. Being weighed down by shitty men is traumatic, you see all your potential flying away. No thanks, if a man doesnt make my life better, i dont want or frankly need him. Life is so full, how did we end up here?