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I have a close friend, which I'll refer to her as N. She used to add all the men I've dated in socmed and even went as far as to talk to them on my behalf whenever I came up to her for a shoulder to cry on. I never asked her to.
I've always thought her behavior was weird because she even added my virtual friends whom I never introduced to her.
Then I met L, my fugly pos ex.
She befriended him and they became close friends. Even after our breakup, she kept their friendship. I never disclosed details to her, even when he coaxed me into sending him nudes during the 2-month mark of our relationship or his episodic angry lash-outs. After our breakup, he created 30+ gmail accounts to convince me to come back.
Why did I stay silent? Well, I didn't want to be inconvenient, I didn't want to appear as a bad guy, and I didn't want to be the one to ruin their friendship. I've been hailed as the epitome of toxicity for speaking up about my issues in the past, so I drilled into my system to never ever talk about relationship problems ever again.
She wasn't always careful and would occasionally bring up his name in our conversations. I tolerated it because at least she had the awareness not to tell me about his dating life. Until yesterday, when she came across his former fubu on insta--and she told me in full detail with screenshots that he's following her again and liked the recent pic she posted on Oct 25. The same date where he relentlessly spammed me with emails to come back, that he needed me and that I was the only girl he truly loved. Mind you, when we were dating and the topic of his fubu came up, he even said, "I don't even remember her name." 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
Man. My taste in men must be so horrid or they just happen to be redundant. I also think the right thing to do is to ditch the friend, but we've been friends since 2016.
She's not your friend, she's actually dangerous. These women will gossip, give bad advice, and will leave you in risky places. They will not care if you're drugged and dragged by some dude, and they can even go so far as to pimp you out. Seriously, she displays red alert levels.
There are plenty of great women whom you will befriend that will never go after your boyfriend or exes (w the f), or will bring up their names in conversation to make you sad and envy (w the f).
You deserve better. Abstain from men while you cut this relationship off and focus on bettering your life for now. "I've been hailed as the epitome of toxicity for speaking up about my issues in the past" - whoever drilled that into your head is a low life with zero empathy.
She’s obviously not your friend what friend would be close friends with your ex and weirdly follow all the men youve been involved with?? Sounds unhinged and jealous
My ex best friend met my ex in a bar with me back in 2014. She proceeded to dry hump him and kiss him for 4 hours in front of me. That's when I knew we weren't friends. She was in competition with me in her mind for men. Ditch her. She's gonna f*ck your husband if you keep her around, because it's about 1 upping you not even about having a man.
I feel for you, I do. But, I really don't get it when people say they are sticking with someone because they've known them for so long, especially when they've been shitty for that entire time. (Oh, yes, I know there was that one time when they threw you a birthday party, lent you rent money, whatever. Everyone has their moments, but moments do not redeem them; consistent behavior is what counts.) Even if they had only become intolerable recently, why stay? Someone please explain to me WHY "I've been with them for so long" is a reason to stay with a shitty person? Do you want to be with a shitty person even LONGER? Do you want you 6 year toxic "friendship" to become 12 years of shitty "friendship"? I just don't get it. And, I agree with all those who've said she's weird and competitive, envious, boundary-crossing, disloyal, sneaky, back-stabbing, etc. Friends don't cozy up to your man--before or after you date him. The word, "frenemy" was created for people like her.
What is a fubu?
She's your enemy, not a friend. She's colluding with your abuser. Get rid of her.
I'm guessing you're young. I only say that because this story sounds like the pickme bullshit I dealt with in college.
You say you've known her since 2016 as if that means anything. She's a terrible person you've known for six years, which is peanuts compared to the many years you have to come. Don't waste it on someone who's stabbing you in the back.
Take a good long look at yourself. Are you truly this desperate for friends that you would tolerate this? If so, then best get to therapy to fix this issue. This woman is not your friend. If you put up with this toxic nonsense for one moment more you are your own worst enemy.
Friends don't do this shit to each other. Adding every guy you've dated to her social media and blabbing to them when you come to her as a friend seeking advice? That's fucked up. A friend who won't keep confidences is not trustworthy. And a friend who casually drops your ex's name into conversation is doing that to keep you off-balance. Normal people don't constantly bring up conversational topics that cause other people pain. That's part of being sensitive to the emotions of people around you.