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I getting back out there and dating. After many first dates, I had my first second date tonight. Ok our first date was lunch, which I thought was a little odd but at least it was a real date. Date was ok, lunch during the weekday is definitely not ideal. He paid, my meal couldn't have been more than $10, as I ordered a breakfast item.
He asked if he could take me to dinner, I said sure just let me know. I have been trying to stay in my feminine energy. Which I think has worked really well. Guys that aren't putting in the effort just kinda fall away.
So he sets the plan for dinner at a nice restaurant a week in advance, date-time-place seems good. Then last night he texts to confirm but is like is "insert original plan" good, I think it's a restaurant in "a" neighborhood, or we can go somewhere else. Uhg I thought he hasn't made reservations and probably doesn't event know you need them. I am really trying to stay feminine energy NOT do extra emotional/ mental labor. But I just have no idea how to respond. I end up with "why don't you firm up "insert original plan" or pick something else, just let me know! " so I was a little annoyed. He suggested a different restaurant. one I know wouldn't need reservations.
Today I get off work, re do my hair and make up, get dressed up. I don't drink so I didn't have any alcohol, he did. I spent 2 hours being great company and giving him a chance. The bill comes and he just has it to the side of him. I thought he would take care of it. Finally he opens it up and looks at me and says 60/40. I looked surprised, I said ummm sure can you do the math on that?
At that moment I knew I was over it. I also left feeling like this is so unfair to have to split. It hasn't come up in a long time, but seriously... with everything that goes into getting ready, the guy picks the place he wants, has an attractive female to eat with, and it doesn't cost him anymore that eating alone. Wow what a great deal. I just can't understand why 50/50 is so mainstream. Sorry for this long story. This is the only place I feel safe to tell this story too. Other than my parents. Thank you .
*head tilted*
“Oh! You need help with that?”
Sure, ok! I understand.
*glance at him with pity*
Block as you leave the restaurant
You can tell he paid the 60% because he wanted to split, but still "feel like a provider." Lmao
We need to go back to the old days when our parents or trusted loved ones helped find someone for us to date. This sh*t is ridiculous and I'm sorry you had to experience this BS. I've had it happen to and it's a total waste of a woman's time. These men outta be ashamed and cast out as dalits or untouchables in society.
Sorry to hear about your sh*t "Dates".
To answer your question... 50/50 is so mainstream because too many women are okay with it, they even go as far and offer it or want to pay for the whole damn bill.
So, imagine a guy, he goes on 10 dates and 9 women are fine with going or offering 50/50, why would he do things differently with you?
We unfortunately have to blame ourselves for that one.
The only thing you can do in a situation like that is say something like: oh, I thought this was a date, oh, you can't afford to pay for both us, I'm sorry to hear that (and then pay your share before b&d) or just stare at him and don't pay.
For the future I'd also suggest not going on midweek "dates" . They clearly save the weekend for someone else/better and probably splash the money then.
The 60/40 grosses me out even more than 50/50. It just reminds me of that Reddit post where the girl left for a trip and the guy sent her a spreadsheet of every penny he had spent on her over their relationship. 😬
I want to say great job staying in your feminine energy! That’s the right approach. But it’s so painfully difficult not to intervene when you know how to make plans and he seems incompetent 😭 I think your next step in dating is don’t even accept a date when you don’t trust his planning ability.
A competent, confident man will choose a restaurant, make a reservation if necessary, gratefully enjoy your company, and discreetly pay the full bill himself at the end.
You handled all of this well and kept your feminine energy.
Bravo on just saying sure when he asked to split 👏 this was KEY. I know others were saying to make a passive aggressive comment or give a look, but it really is best to play it cool and agree.
Otherwise, you would have let him know exactly where he messed up. Plus giving him a dirty look or making comments could have angered him and put you in a dangerous situation.
I had a guy do the same thing to me, on the 2nd date as well, and I said sure, acted unbothered, and politely headed home and then deleted and blocked.
I always tell a person what I expect. I will tell him right away that I want to be treated to a nice dinner, Whoever asks me out pays. If he dares to mess with my trust then It's block and delete.