Feeling rejected.

I think you also need to lower you expectations. People have lives and they are busy. My best friends and I usually talk daily and see each other at least once a week. This past two weeks we barely talked and we all had so much going on. It’s hard to know what people are going through and if she is not reciprocating your efforts, keep making friends. Some times you will need different group of women friends. Some for fun, some for career, some for activities. It’s tough but you will get there. Don’t get discouraged. People don’t owe me anything. It’s up to me to decide how that makes me feel and if those relationships are ones I want to continue or not entertain any longer

Thanks for everyone’s comments. I really do like to be objective in my own perspective so have taken your views on board. Thing is…I don’t expect massive gestures and I do have a full satisfying life. My own hobbies and a career that keeps me busy. I also understand people have their own things going on. As do I. However, like we vet men and look for effort and consistency I feel that with female friendships shouldn’t we be expecting the bare minimum at least?! An invite occasionally? A midweek conversation or to say hi? Especially in the beginning of friendships? Otherwise a lack of momentum can affect progress. I’m a busy woman but I still find time to be courteous and reciprocal. Just a thought.

Hey girl I feel the Same way. I would be the one to reach out and plan stuff. I got sick of pulling all the weight of friendships around and stopped. All of my friendships turned to aqauntinces really fast. I feel rejected in a way but I remember what they are dealing with. on of them has a good for nothing husband that saps her energy and another just lost her husband to COVID and has two kids to raise. I don’t love in a very populated area either. I don’t have much advise but I will say you definitely aren’t alone in this feeling.

I disagree w/ some of the comments suggesting OP is expecting too much. It's not too much to check in via text or share an interesting article or post to stay in contact passively. I am the same like OP, I have a career and hobbies and all kinds of shit to do each week and honestly, it's not us. Many other women also don't do much to maintain a working friendship. I have honestly stopped trying with friends who I thought were great friends but constantly fail to follow up with me. I'm not talking about 1x a week, but at least 1x-2x a month. I have outgrown those friendships. If they wanted to, they would. Honestly I don't give a shit whatever the reason why they don't follow up, the only thing we can do is continue to try and reach out to other people and of course invest time and energy into ourselves. We know the answer is to move on. But sitting with that feeling that they don't care as much, sucks. Processing that thought may hurt now but it's not forever, is what I think.

I feel you OP, I’ve also been the friend who always texts first, organizes events, wants to make sure everyone is included, and I’ve found that most people just do not match my energy. We have to apply some of the rules of FDS to our friendships as well. If they wanted to, they would! If they wanted to talk to you, they know how to reach out. If they want to hang out with you, they’ll schedule things. Friendships are give and take and peoples actions speak the loudest. So I’ve decided to let go of those expectations and roles that I’ve placed on myself. If people want to get a hold of me, they know how to. It does hurt but you just need to redirect your energy towards new people who can offer you what you need. Broaden your circle if needed, make sure 1 person isn’t everything to you. As for the woman you just met, it seems that your friends rejection is making you project your feelings on to her. Just continue to focus on making new friends and new experiences.

i’m not sure if i’m understanding this. so you met a friend last weekend and you expect a text the next day? it’s a friend meetup not a date - you don’t need constant texting. and then you expect her to meet you again for the next week? i assume you want the truth so - when i read this i had the impression that ur friends might be thinking you’re the LV one. i read somewhere that says that the beautiful thing about friendship is that there is always a comfortable distance. it’s not so close as to your spouse or family so you don’t get sick of each other and squabble, but always close enough to be there for one another. you’ve to gauge what’s that ideal distance between u and other ppl

I completely relate to you because I've been the friend that reaches out, calls to find out how everyone is and arranges get-togethers. I, too, get people flaking on me and in some cases, going out together without me. I've since cut friends like that off because if I care more than them then we don't need to be friends.

It truly gets harder to make decent, HV female friends as we get older which is why I miss being in school. It was much easier to make friends then. I've found that a lot of women can be competitive with others because they're all trying to impress some no-good man. Many women bond together on being LV so if you're levelling up, they'll feel intimidated by you, feel angry that you're now doing better than them and deliberately leave you out of things. Just cut people like that off.

I'd say that you should try to find activities you like doing and join groups that do them. Vet the women you meet there. Try and make conversation with them and see who makes conversation with you, first. If they don't keep up in communicating with you outside the group, just leave them be and carry on.

I feel certain that the more we focus on bettering ourselves, in time, we will find the HV friends we desire.

Regards the new friend, she could be just burnt out. I know alot of women are starting to rally together to fight the patriarchy system near me. Their energy is gone elsewhere and need frequent down time to have the stamina to fight this sht to the end. Don't stress x join the fight with us

I’m sorry that has been your experience. It’s hard making new friends as an adult. I think, though, that your expectations—at least with this new woman— are a bit too high. She’s a virtual stranger and owes you nothing. Maybe it’s not a good fit for her, maybe she’s busy, or maybe she is not looking for the same level of friendship/involvement that you are. Imo, you ARE overthinking this particular situation, and it’s giving off a desperate kind of energy that people are picking up on, which might be making them uncomfortable? Just a guess. Kinda like when a guy is too eager and it turns us off. I think it’s a good idea to focus on the things that you love to do, and in doing so, you may organically meet people who share your interests and friendships may blossom. I have some very good friends, but my strongest friendships are those that were formed early on, in grade school, high school, and early 20s. I’d love to meet new women; I simply don’t make the time because my life is busy/full. I suspect that’s the case for others too. Anyway, good luck. Be kind to yourself.

How did you meet this new woman friend? Also it might be worth it to reflect on how other people may feel in your presence if you’re regularly left out things with already established friend groups. And this is not to give you a complex, but it is helpful to “audit” ourselves and really see ourselves through others eyes for a bit to gain insight on where we might need to grow. Are you the type that only talks about yourself and never makes other people feel interesting? I don’t know if you are I just know that is an oversight that some people can have about themselves. Or maybe it’s the opposite, maybe you get TOO personal with others and it feels cloying/boundary crossing . I dunno. It’s hard. I’m sorry you haven’t found the right quality of friendship you need. I also know that sometimes it’s not enough to just have enough things in common with someone. Frequently people only “bond” with those they feel have a bit of status over them and have something to offer that they need or aspire to, and that’s not to cast them as bad people but to tell the truth that everyone has desires which turn them into a bit of a self serving climber. Do any of these people feel that you are a crucial part of something they want to attain? Maybe I’m just warped from living in NYC where everyone’s trying to be somebody but what I’ve explained is truly the unspoken contract of life here no matter what people pretend.