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I’m staying single for the whole of 2022. It was my New Year’s Resolution and the best dating decision I have ever made in my life.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
My instincts are ALWAYS right. There have been times I wondered why I felt so uncomfortable around “NiCe” guys. Playing certain situations back, I can confidently say those guys were total asshats in “NiCe” packaging. They would subtly neg me using tactics such as underhanded compliments or concern trolling. They didn’t care about me or my feelings and face came across clearly in my interactions with them. I deserved better.
I was right to end every relationship when I no longer felt they benefited me. In the past, I felt guilty for the pain I caused my exes by breaking up with (or more often, ghosting) them. Looking back, ghosting wasn’t the best way to handle those situations, but hey, I didn’t have the vocabulary or emotional intelligence back then that I have now. The most important thing is that I showed myself love my leaving situations that made me feel unloved, unworthy, disrespected, or unwanted.
We don’t need men. Like, at all. Maybe back when we couldn’t vote or own property we needed them, but now they’re mostly an “extra” that we can do without. Especially if they’re low-value ooop 🫢
There’s no such thing as settling for less. You deserve whatever you tolerate in this life.
I’m not a fan of the outdoors. I don’t like bugs. 🤷🏽♀️
I’m exactly like other girls. Miss me with that cool girl super freaky take scraps of effort and attention go 50/50 on bottom-tier dive bar “dates” and never ask for more or “nag” bullshit.
I love gifts. I don’t care what anyone says. I like receiving physical tokens of affection that indicate thoughtfulness.
Men with less than nothing to offer have the highest standards sometimes. I have a LOT to offer, so no one can tell me my standards are too high. Either you meet them or (more likely) not.
TLDR - I’m leveling up and really getting to know myself. I like me, so you don’t have to 😊
I love this so much. I’ve also been single for almost a year now and I can relate to your leveling up experiences. Wow, the fact that we gain so much confidence when we are not dating men really shows how they try to put us down even when they’re considered our “lovers“
I had a conversation with a guy the other day. He seemed shocked by my views on dating and relationships. I think it worries him that women don’t need men like they did 100s of years ago. I own properties, have a career, have children, have friends and a social life. I love my life. I don’t need a man, and we’ll… that really worried him. He said, men need to change to keep up with what women want as men need women. Just goes to show times are changing Queens.
Careful now. You might end up like me. I went single on Jan 1, 2020, and I have no plans of returning to the dating scene. It has -- without a doubt -- been the best 2.5 years of my LIFE! Dating is not a thing you have to do. Society has brainwashed us because it is a highly lucrative, commercialized endeavor. Movies, music, books, childrens toys, jewelry companies, wedding venues, caterers, dating apps, marriage counselors, shit... even our government needs us to procreate to pay into taxes and social security. Turn off the noise. Follow your real passions. Don't waste your youth waiting for texts.
#4 has probably been the most important lesson I've learned from FDS. "There's no such thing as settling for less. You deserve whatever you tolerate in this life." It has really empowered me to start making smarter, kinder decisions that are in MY best interest.
I'm also taking a year off from dating to level up. People think I'm nuts for not even having a fwb, but I'm having a great time. It's kinda weird how my celibacy makes people uncomfortable, they are always trying to set me up on dates 🙄
I’m so glad that you’re on your level up journey. As someone who is also currently single it feels so nice to be enjoying this and understanding yourself and building those boundaries and identifying your standards. I personally found that I had a rough time last year of accepting #8. As I gained more self confidence it made me realize these NVM have the audacity to approach someone like me. So why can’t I uphold and be honouring what I want. I can’t lie though and say there are times when I do feel lonely but I’ve realized it’s more that I really love that physical touch and bed time snuggles. However, I usually will imagine that if it’s not HVM beside me in bed it would be some scrote who would make feel more lonely, miserable and be at risk of pregnancy 😬 That always does the trick and helps make me feel so grateful to have my soft, clean bed to myself.
I’m so glad you’re getting to know yourself better, you are the only person who will be there for your entire life so it’s so important
I don't think you should feel bad about ghosting. Back when I used to formally break up with men and give them reasons like they asked, they would get angry with the reasons, cuss me out or try to debate my reasons. Now I just ghost.
I’ve been single for many years now, mostly bc of my kid, but, it’s truly been the best thing I’ve ever experienced!! Yes, it gets lonely but if you fill your life with hobbies and loved ones then it’s much better. I also have been simultaneously leveling up which helps a ton. Thinking about the shit men I’ve come across makes it all worth it to wait it out for a good one.
I’ve been single for a little over a year and I don’t have any regrets. It’s nice having tie for myself without worrying about someone else’s needs. Plus I get to work on my own self improvement. Watching relationship trainwrecks helps me with relationship FOMO too lol I want to eventually start dating again but I’m not in a rush. I’ve noticed that women take initiative in improving themselves but men don’t. Men have to level up.
Saying this from a place of love: "You deserve what you tolerate" is a little victim-blamey and harsh. Let's be a little kinder to ourselves and our fellow women. Internal self-talk is so important to maintaining self-esteem.
Six years widowed here and just no downsides. I chat online and have for years and my happiness and contentment drive men round the bend! They are using chat as a cheap-ass way to date; it’s the internet equivalent of a walk/coffee date. They all seem positively broody to marry. They keep trying to project their wants and needs onto me; I keep handing their projection back to them and just leaving or blocking.
I agree that gifts are tokens. at least it should be. Now a days men give so that they can have sex in return. How about you put a ring on my finger and be a providing husband? Then we can talk about sex.. Sex is for the husband, the curb is for the scrotes.
Can relate.
It’s hard to forgive myself for all the times I ignored my gut feelings. It was always right like a good friend wanting to warn me for garbage.
Men aren’t even an extra, they are a burden in every household.