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Or at least tell your goals and dreams to the right people. I trust the ladies here more than some people in my personal life.
It's very hurtful when you share something you're excited about with the people you know and they're very quick to rain on your parade ☹️.
I had to let go of a friend who did this. Even though I rooted for every single thing she wanted to do, I never got the same support back. I even offered to work on her goals with her (she wanted to lose weight and I wanted to gain. So I asked if she wanted to work out with me and we can hold each other accountable)
She'd say yes, do nothing, and then rag on me for trying. The final straw was when I told her I wanted to go back and relearn math because I kept failing as a kid.
And she told me not to bother because I'm forgetful 🫠. I was done. That wasn't even the first time she said something like that. I learned my lesson. Sometimes you just have to stop talking about your business with other people and just let them see the changes you're making.
Ofc they'll talk shit anyway but at least you're already in a consistent routine and change so you're not feeling discouraged at the very start of your journey.
I feel like I could’ve written this. I know exactly what you mean. I ended my longest friendship earlier this year because of what you described.
It’s so important for women to only form friendships with other women with high or at least healthy-average self-esteem. Otherwise, you won’t have a friend; you will have a competitor. Be mindful of when someone is a “good listener” when your life is falling apart, but blows you off when you want to talk about how your life is going great. I think what finally made me realize it with my friend was when I bought my house, and I was SO excited, yet she very clearly wasn’t happy for me. A few months later, she was looking at a house VERY similar to mine, showed it to me, and pointed out all the ways it was awful and didn’t meet her standards. I don’t think she was even doing it consciously, but that was eye-opening and made me realize the role I was meant to play in her life. I had failed my role by overtaking her in something huge (buying a house first) and the mask slipped. I started seeing a different person after that. I realized that even though we’d been friends for decades, she didn’t really consider me her friend.
Your former “friend” couldn’t see the value in you, because she saw all your successes as her failures and all your failures as her successes. There are good friends out there — you just have to vet like you would vet for an HVM. Jump ship at the first sign of severe insecurity.
I'm in the same boat. I had to go low contact with a friend when I realized that despite all the encouragement and reassurance I threw her way (and she needs a LOT, she's super insecure and anxious), when it was my turn to celebrate something she would always find something negative to say. And don't get me started on reassurance, the one time I made the mistake of seeking it from her was when I told her about a mistake I made at work, and she replied something like "LOL yeah that's bad". If it had been her I would've told her not to worry and rationalized the situation to make it seem less threatening. Since then, no matter what happens, if she asks I always have zero problems under the sun and a perfect life.
Plenty of people have suggested that I confront her, but I never felt like it. It's not my job to confront, or fix her, especially since I suspect she'd just make me the villain for attempting to do so. If she's a bad friend, I'm just going to quietly disappear from her life and make it as slow and natural as possible to avoid retaliation. She recently got a taste of karma though, I heard another friend of hers "broke up" with her by sending her a huge paragraph calling her egocentric, insecure and toxic. She took it very badly (but then again, it was quite brutal and not the approach I would've gone for if I had chosen to go the confrontation route) but I'm curious to see how she'll react long term. Will she change or simply convince herself that her friend was just mean and then wonder why everyone around her seems to step away at some point? I probably won't stick around long enough to get an answer to that, and that's fine by me.
Yup I've had to cut off multiple disrespectful and out right atrocious friends one of whom was a trans man who called me stupid and annoying to my face. Then backtracked when I finally called him out on it months later (this was pre FDS and therapy) and said it was bc he felt stupid lol 🙃.
Always vet your friends like you vet men! They can be just as harmful. I don't play with jealousy either. Women like Shanquella Robinson and Noami Oni have been attacked and even murdered by their competitive "friends"
With my best friend, we talk over each other all the time on accident. We are both just excitable about being happy about shit we enjoy talking about. We both enjoy talking and enjoy listening to the other person talk. She is 50 and I am 41. So I consider her to be probably more wise than me.
We also argue over who will get the bill when we go out for anything-both of us wants to get it and treat.
We share accomplishments and cheer one another on. We are not even the most alike. She is very lib-fem and i can tell. She went on a while thing recently about Dave chappelle and how he's so terrible for "trans rights" and I chose to make a comment about how I disagree, but we both moved on to find something else to talk about. Nobody is mad at the other person for this difference of opinion. She is still cool. We still have a lot of fun together.
i've always appreciated the phrase "making moves in silence."
I'm glad you pruned your social life a bit, always remember quality over quantity. You're doing the right thing.