I've decided to just opt out of the dating game for a good while, work on my own stuff and just be happy being alone and decentering men. Please give me all your reasons you love being single!
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The simple but immense luxury of not having to take another person's feelings, needs, wishes or opinions into account. Ever. Call me selfish, I don't care.
When I see how much my friends and family members with partners limit themselves because of them, I honestly can't imagine living like this.
Not going on your dream vacation because he doesn't want to, not taking that promotion because of him, not getting a dog despite desperately loving animals because he is allergic, not eating what you want because he doesn't like it or can't stand the smell, not going to that event or meeting with your friends because he wants to do something else that night... or dragging yourself out of the house because he wants to go somewhere despite not wanting to yourself. Not buying your dream home or moving to your dream place. Having to deal with another person's dirt in your home and their friends and family in addition to your own.
If there isn't a living apart together relationship with a generous, HV man who let's me have my independence and complete freedom, who is fine with me not being willing to change anything about my life or plans for him and who provides amazing sex out there, no thanks.
Similar to the others, but here’s my top 10:
1. No compromising on my decor, choice of meal, leisure time, spending, clothing choices etc etc
2. No spending time with a partner’s friends/family in addition to my own - especially if they’re terrible
3. Uninterrupted sleep in fresh clean linen that I have chosen. Not to mention extra space in bed
4. Freedom to do WTF I like, where I go, where i vacay, work play. No one to consider or bend myself out of shape for (recovering nice girl syndrome)
5. No extra labour in and around my home - cleaning, extra meals etc
6.No arguments or hurt feelings arising from the dynamic that often appears when you’re coupled/spending a lot of time with someone
7. Not having to be ‘on’ appearance wise. I’m not advocating anyone dresses for their partner, but to be totally at ease with one’s appearance and company = bliss
8. Not having the burden of remembering (and financing) gifts for a SO and those closest to them or attending family events where you’re expected to show face
9. Being able to be spontaneous - to last minute trips, invitations out, dates etc etc
10. Did I mention not comprising on anything - ever?
To add to erythrura's great list:
I can relax in my own home and not worry that he's judging my body, appearance etc
I can eat what I want, when I want
I can spend my time exactly how I want to, free from judgement
Never have to deal with anyone else's family or friends
No one judges my choices
I can sleep peacefully!!!! No snoring beast
I can live by my own natural rythms
I can decorate how I want
I only clean up after myself
I'm not resentful
I can watch what I want
I can leave messes and clean them on my timeline and not worry he'll use this against me
I'm not cooking for a grown man
No assholes invading my space
My nervous system is calm because I don't feel "on"
I can listen to music I like
Sole control of the remote. Nobody else fighting over the use of my one-and-only TV or the comfy chair. No having to deal with some dude's meltdown over his sports team losing or whining about wanting to play games while I binge watch pride & prejudice or the paradise and embroider. No stupid battle sound effects turned up way too loud so that it triggers my anxiety.
Sole use of the bathroom. No needing to plan hot water usage or wait for the unit to heat back up, I can take an hour long lobster shower or soak in my whirlpool tub until I am a wrinkly jelly mass.
No man stinking up any of my bathrooms or leaving shaved off hairs in the sink or dirty undies on the bathroom floor.
The food in the kitchen is ALL MINE. Nobody eating my leftovers or drinking the last of my bourbon. My chips are always resealed properly, my cookies are never gone, my jerky stash has never been raided. No dirty dishes in the sink (when the dishwasher is empty) and no half-cleaned up messes or toast crumbs left on the counter. No cabinet doors left open and no drawers half-closed.
No muddy boot prints on my nice clean floors. No dirty handprints on my doors and door trim. No spills on my rugs or rub marks on my walls to be scrubbed off.
No laundry scattered on the floor around the hamper instead of IN the hamper. No fighting over the laundry machines or sweaty gym clothes forgotten and left to mildew. No sweaty boot socks stuffed down between my couch cushions and forgotten about. Nobody leaving sharpies in uniform pockets then yelling at me for missing them and ruining that set of ACU's.
Nobody stealing my laptop or desktop command center to play games or watch porn on my multiple screens. Nobody changing the color settings on my RGB links to suit their own preferences. No sweaty residue on my very expensive gaming headset.
Nobody to argue with me that sateen sheets are superior to percale sheets (THERE'S NO CONTEST AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE ON THIS) and then complaining when he's not the one to wash, iron, and dress the bed in them. And no telling me that ironing the pillowcases and flat sheet top is a ridiculous waste of time. No skid marks from his unwashed ass. No yellow residue left from his sweaty self. No having to deal with a ceiling fan blowing in my face all night because he can't sleep without it. No figthing over the duvet, no being woken up randomly for sex. No waking up to him humping my back then when I get mad being gaslighted that he was just trying to snuggle me.
No fighting over take-out, restaurants, or pizza toppings.
No need to look pretty or fuckable when I get home. I can run around in my 3 sizes too big sweats and mens 5x B&T tees to sleep in and nobody to complain that I never dress up for him anymore.
No need to console a grown-ass man when he had a bad day at work, doesn't like your hair a certain color or they were out of his favorite soup at lunch. No need to deal with his bullshit opinions, wants, bad habits and destructive tendencies. No need to humour him on subjects you have zero interest in (warhammer figurines? GAH!) just to try and maintain a relationship. No talking him out of terrible ideas that will do nothing but cause you more trouble and work, no fighting over finances (no you cannot spend 5k of MY SAVINGS on crypto ...... ), no waking up to the sound of your beautifully restored 1969 corvette stingray LT1 being backed out of the garage after you told him not to take it last night. No replacing the panel he got hit in because he was being a bad driver in your baby.
(This turned into a major catharsis for me, thanks!)
Love the comments here and agree with them all! Besides the very best thing I got back-my safety-When I broke up with my abusive ex who liked to take hour-plus long bathroom breaks and hour long showers, the best thing was getting my bathroom back and having the toilet stay intact. Obviously he was doing shady things in the bathroom and somehow the seat would always end up coming unscrewed.
My thermostat is how I like it! I keep it nice and warm in here!
I sleep better when not being involved with a man and have a better peace of mind. No staying up all night upset because of a fight or ruminating over things and wondering if I'm crazy, no more even staying up all night wondering why I didn't get a text back from some guy I was dating or liked, analyzing every interaction I've had with them.
I got back lots of time from not feeling that I have to snoop around online and find out if the guy is cheating(now I know-if I feel that way, no need to snoop it's already over. My instincts have been spot on every damn time)
And yes food mentioned many times-but I will mention it again! I love to eat what I want, when I want. Nobody to judge or to have to consider what they want to eat.
No more of that anxiety that comes to me when I have been with someone, wondering when they will drop the mask and show their true self.
My house stays clean but I can also let the place be a mess for a day or two before doing dishes on the times I feel like it. No more being told I load the dish rack wrong or being man-splained on stuff like that. I listen to and watch what I feel like. Nobody is annoyed if I suddenly feel like listening to the same song 15 times in a row. And I don't have to have my ears assaulted to friggen joe Rogan or bill burr drivel playing super loud all the time.
My dignity. I am not being treated in a humiliating manner by some guy and I don't feel like a clown taking care of some bum hobo sexual.
Just gonna add my own reasons to my own post too...
No sex
Not having to be on the pill
No pregnancy scares
My life is fully my own
No worrying about being cheated on
No worrying about porn use
No worrying about being seen as unattractive
No worrying about them finding other women being attractive
None of the little arguments or heartaches
I don't have to think of anyone but myself.
That I get to live in a clean house.
That I don't have to deal with his shitty friends or shitty family.
That I don't have to deal with a big argument over what movie I want to watch, or where I want to eat, or where I want to sit in the restaurant.
That I don't have somebody who's going to quit his job and try to live off of me.
That I don't have somebody who's constantly pestering me calling me a million times today while I'm at work because he's at home alone, unemployed, and bored.
No snoring.
Nobody picking fights with me over petty bullshit.
Not having to take a birth control pill or birth control shot.
No orgasm-less duty sex.
I am a big reader. One of my simple joys is going to a nice restaurant I want to go to during the day and reading a nice book as I eat. I could never do that with a partner because it would be rude. I spend long hours of my day reading alone at home. I think about having to compromise that habit to entertain him because I simply could not ignore the other person sharing my space with me.
I like that I enjoy my body and the way I dress a lot more. I know a lot of women in my country who are very concerned about their appearances even after landing a guy because they think they will lose him if they put on a few pounds or dress in a way that doesn't appeal to him. I know this doesn't happen in HVM relationships, but I am surrounded by LV relationships everywhere around me.
All my money is for myself. I own my own home now, I definitely got lucky as I inherited my father's house when he passed and was able to sell that house to buy a much larger space for me and my mother. I didn't party or spend too much in my 20s (at most I did a yearly trip or took two trips a year to travel) and invested. I want to spend my 30s enjoying myself and not worrying about men or their needs.
I have a maid who washes the dishes, cleans the floors and does all the mundane tasks I don't have the energy for. The only thing I do is my own laundry and drying, which I really enjoy. I could not imagine having to handle another man's skidmarks. Can a man reduce my workload or is he just gonna add more tasks to my life?
I eat what I want when I want and go where I want without being answerable to anyone. I have devoted, loyal friends who are also aspiring to do more with their lives. I am one of the lucky few where my friends are FDS-minded and we discuss FDS openly and honestly. The principles of this group have changed all our lives for the better. I am in the beginning of my career but I look forward to where it will go. It takes a lot for me to remember I am very blessed and living in a position of abundance already. I remind myself every day to be grateful for my advantages, especially in my country where very few women are financially independent. I am grateful for my mother who has never shamed or pushed my towards an arranged marriage or an insufficient partnership. Every day, I am very lucky. I would not change this unless it was for a remarkable man. He would need to be a hell of a guy for me to give up my relative life of comfort.
No exposure to his endless contrarian supply of ideas about any and everything that are expressed solely because he thinks that relationships with women are a battle that he has to win.
No casual disrespect
No micro aggressions
No expectations that it's my responsibility to deescalate and regulate his emotions and that if I "fail" to reset him that it's my fault that he does something that has negative impacts because he was "upset"
No expectations of receiving basic care and consideration being ignored by somebody who literally made me beg for help- no wonder over why my efforts in his behalf that often went above and beyond were not reciprocated
No financial abuse
No interrogations that he claimed were "conversations"
No sexual coercion
No hearing the same story on repeat for a decade +
No more totally preventable car sickness
No making up for his total lack of social skills and being his ambassador in public
No hearing endless smack talk and denigrating snark about my family, friends, coworkers and associates
No more watching him hero worship the most undeserving people while he devotes himself to being of service to them in a way that he never did to me
No more finding containers or cartons with a splash of liquid or crumbs at the bottom
No more cleaning up nasty stuff that he left for me to clean because "I'm the woman"
No more being over talked
No more loud noises
No more being treated like shit so he can elicit a reaction and then justify everything so that the misery circus continued on "as normal"
These are all GREAT lists! I know this is "single" vs. "living by yourself," but since there is sometimes some overlap with those two categories (like if your BF visits a lot, even if you don't live together, which of course I don't advocate anyway) -- there is an absolutely beautiful post ("An Ode to Living Alone") on the old FDS r*ddit that is still available for reading, with all its glorious comments.
I don't want to link to that misogynistic site and I wouldn't want to send any woman there, but it's far too long for a copy-paste. So, if you want to go there, it's the first result on Google. And it really is a good read that makes me feel even better about my choices!
No farting and snoring in sleep from a stinky overweight scrote. :)
Freedom
I’m not single now but here is what I see as advantages of being single:
- don’t need to take another person into account. You want to go on a trip on impulse, no need to discuss it with anyone. Not really feeling dinner at 7pm and want to eat at 9 tonight? No problem!
- more time for hobbies. Of course when you’re in a relationship you can and should prioritize time for hobbies but even then, relationships take time that you could be spending on other things
- alone time. This has only become an issue for me after getting engaged and moving in together, but I really need dedicated alone time. That’s harder to arrange and something you need to ask for when living with another person. When single or just dating it’s much easier to make sure you are spending enough time with just yourself.
-living alone is so amazing (others have listed many reasons in replies to this post) and sometimes I do get a little sad that I probably won’t get to experience it again.
There are plenty of advantages of being single compared to being in a relationship with a lvm but I won’t list them here, the things above are advantages of being single no matter how amazing your partner is.
I think it’s super important to build a life so great on your own that it’s obvious to you whether someone (partner OR friend) is adding to it or taking away from it. The things I listed above are trade offs that are worth it to me to make for a relationship with the right person. The pros of my specific relationship outweigh the cons of being in a relationship. But most men will only take and not give, and the more you enjoy single life, the harder it will be for scrotes to compete with it.
In the extreme, your actual life!
Pros being single
no cohabitation with a man and his pets which means a more peaceful work from home environment. Able to work more efficiently, and thus make more money and advance career. Don’t have to worry about “background noise” when on zoom calls.
No having to prepare food. Even a snack plate and a drink is usually expected (from them) if you invited them over. And I mean, you do get hungry after a few hours hanging with somebody…. and they don’t usually bring anything or offer to pay for uber eats. So, ur stuck making food on ur own dime. And they’re often judgy and picky. One way to avoid this is to sneakily eat jerky and snacks in another room. Theyll eventually get so hungry they order food and/or leave. But that takes strategy and preparation so more often than not I’d end up doing the labor of cooking us a meal that they’d complain about anyway. If you do order uber eats they can be jugy about you “wasting money ordering”
On the flip side, it’s nice not having to drive to their place. it can be a hassle to drive there if they’re entertaining and they live more than 15 mins away. If their place is dusty or they don’t clean up pet hair well you might have to launder your clothes every time after hanging out with them. Sometimes they don’t have adequate bathrooms, toilet paper, or their bathroom is located in an inconvenient spot (in their room, etc) so you basically gotta leave if you gotta #2. Basically, going there can suck too.
Going out. Sure dates can be fun but lets be honest, when you get in a partnered relationship or marriage, men often get lazy and dates turn into outings which require a whole bunch of ur time, money, and labor
Don’t have to attend their family or company party which you’ll likely have to be fake at
Don’t have to buy them gifts and spend the time and money wrapping them
Don’t have to pretend to like their gifts if the gifts they get you suck
Don’t have to think of a “fun activity” to do with them
No obligation to text someone all the time
Buy whatever you like
Do whatever you like
Him wanting to have sex at 5 in the morning.
I work with a guy who cbf getting his car fixed when it broke (at least, it seemed like it was fixabe and just needs the last step to be roadworthy, but who knows), so his gf lets him use her car all the time. Doesn't seem like he hogs it (he still gets transport to work) but like why let it go on for so long?? Just seems like a situation where you shouldn't have to share your car with the dude.
That's just one thing, I wouldn't want to share my car like that. Use your own damn car.
All of the above. After being married three times, men remind me of the Pig Pen character in Peanuts. LAT is the way to go.