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One of the amazing gifts of getting older is getting closer to that alternate place

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Comments (6)

Apr 10

I love this OP. The alternate universe is the place to be!!! I think the other universe is just us trying to figure out how to survive when we are in it. But then along comes FDS reminding us that these men aren't shit and walking away with no explanation is always best for our sanity and for other women. The writer's mom was correct. The author was very fazed before the twist at the end.

One of the absolute best parts of FDS is the focusing on de-centering of men. I know we see a lot on social media now about how to do this and its importance, but this wasn't the case even just a few short years ago. Don't need to find them. Don't need to need them. Don't want them.

I've been in the alternate universe for like 5 years now. I slipped back once to the other side and couldn't believe how miserable it was. Then I dropped the scrote who was treating me wrong with no explanation and kept trucking on with my goals and life. The alternate universe is the only place to be!

THE MAN TELLS ME WHO HE IS AND I LISTEN! It's so so so simple. Sometimes I think we can overanalyze, over complicate things... but this is really the jist of vetting for better partners and staying single when there aren't good options. It's actually very black and white and very easy once you get the hang of it and decondition yourself.

Editing to add that my interpretation of this is that she found that the alt. universe is the one we want to be in: "I have so much beautiful time." The difference between the first half of this (messy, fervent, angry) sounds so much worse than the second where we simply just.... don't (peaceful, woman-centered, calm).

Which one should we want to live in? The first half where we wreck ourselves to "get back at" men or the second half where we walk away and maintain our peace and keep pur stress levels down?

Edited

NotTheOne

Apr 10

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So… still centering men. Only this time out of revenge. Expending even more energy than she would as a pick me. What a loser.

I’ll go on not giving a fuck. Way better use of my time.

FlameThrower

Apr 10

Replying to

I understand OP, and chronic stress from abuse absolutely will manifest into physical ailments! I got shingles on my face at like 33 years old living with an abusive guy.

Best we can do is know red flags extensively and gtfo when we see them. The worse part is sometimes it takes a traumatic experience like this for us to wake up and figure out how to spot red flags as quickly as we need to. But abuse is a very nasty web of brainwashing us to begin with. If you don't know what to look for, it is tough...

But make no mistake... after going through it once, absolutely ZERO men will ever get that chance again with me. I will bet my soul on that.

Laniakea

Apr 11

Replying to

I must confess though, and ffs I cringe on the reg admitting the reality even to myself, I am still married to him.

The most tragic part...I saw the whole bouquet of red flags from the start. I did what I had to, to survive. It wasnt only me, my baby girl...

I left her violent abusive father when she was only 4 months. Ff 4 years, I fall for yet another scrote abuser. When it turned physical I noped right out fast. My beautiful daughter, her and I were soon homeless. That alone was so traumatic.

I met my now husband, and I saw the flags. He had a daughter he had full custody of...and my baby girl was so happy

I stayed. I dove right into cognitive dissidence still knowing.

Then, even on bc, I was pregnant. Twins! Girls! Now from 2 to 4 girls!

And then I married him. Yes, I have daddy issues. Yes I have suffered w bulimia my entire life. I did what I had to do with what I had. And I did love him, I adored him.

Ff to now, the resentment, the disgust. I fkng hate him. Somehow I split him into two...because I do love a part of him.

He is following Lundy Bancrofts "steps", he is treating me like a human now. He is so much different than the monster I knew for years.

But, I lost it. Most of it. I dont think I could ever feel close to what I did for him or anybody. Our girls hate him.

I could write 5 giant novels with what life has been only the last 16 years. And I thought I had seen some shit before him...🤣.

FlameThrower

Apr 11

Replying to

But it's really common for this to happen. Once we have been through brainwashing abusive cycles enough, we really do become addicted to being abused. This is why women have such a hard time leaving an abusive relationship or end up with another abusive partner after the first. It operates like a subconscious addiction. The only ways we can avoid it happening after the first time is by taking ample time alone to rewire our brains and heal. However, it's not always possible for us to do this financially and due to so many other factors. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do in order to live, eat, survive. That being said, I hope you divorce the s* out of this dude someday.

One of the amazing gifts of getting older is getting closer to that alternate place

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