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I did it. I finally finally left a low value boyfriend who had spoiled me in a way no other man has done for me. I know, I’ve been with the bottom of the barrel. Never again, will I lower my standards into hell.
He treated me to nice restaurants, high end places and gifts, paid for my transportation, constantly picked me up from work, bought my groceries and took me on trips in extravagant places and hotels. I let it all veil all of the glaring red flags. I wasn’t used to any kind of security not even physical security. what he sure as hell couldn’t provide was emotional security.
The money he spent on me couldn’t make up for all the emotional cheating: jerking off to other women, triangulating me with his ex, having a previous porn addiction.
It didn’t make up for him ghosting me, yelling at me or gaslighting me towards the end of our relationship anytime I brought an issue up.
I got with him before FDS and after discovering it and religiously following this community, I finally gained boundaries, self respect and self love. I finally realized a man providing for you is the bare minimum. Just because he seems the best you’ve ever had, doesn’t mean you should settle. There IS BETTER out there for you.
I saw how increasingly mentally unstable he’s gotten to the point where he accused me of being apart of QAnon bc FDS somehow correlates to that?? Lmao. Called my parents pieces of shits, screamed and started hitting himself. He admitted he never got over his ex, saw my discomfort and continued to go on and on about her. Then kept refusing to leave my home until I yelled at him repeatedly to leave.
this man claimed he wanted to marry me and jfc, I’m so glad I‘m free from him because I dodged a bullet.
I felt so so unsafe last night and if I had FDS earlier in my life to unfuck me from patriarchal brainwashing, I wouldn’t have to deal with him and now have to deal with moving to another state on a whim.
when his mask slips, never doubt your judgement! Never doubt your intuition! It’ll save your life. If I’d stayed with this man and gave in to his manipulative sweet talk and begging he kept trying to pull too, my life would’ve been ruined and miserable.
leaving can be painful when you‘ve had an emotional bond, but the relief after will be tenfold.
Proud of you for leaving! This is obviously a tough time in your life, but look at this as an opportunity. The world is your oyster. You can achieve a level of success and happiness that you don't even know about yet, all because you had the courage to walk from your LVM.
Embrace limitless potential and possibilities for your life.
congratulations, sister! you did good. it's not easy to get out of an abusive relationship and you did it! well done! take this lesson learned to your future vetting. but first, take some time to be alone and appreciate your life free from men for a moment. being solo is great.
this is why i don't see "providing" as a good predictor of HV - and tht's literally one of the first things you can easily vet for. "did he pay for our dates? yes. ok, he seems HV". the vetting that follows that is waaaay more important. i know a couple (they've actually been my friends for a decade) that goes 50/50 and is perfectly healthy. they are perfect for each other. more than being a provider, a man must be compatible with you. you both need to share similar values, similar goals, similar dreams. if you want a man who provides to you, you need to vet to see if he WANTS to provide (instead of just tolerating it) and WHY. men usually provide for all the wrong reasons: to get free labour from women, to get more women, to dominate women, to "own" women as property, etc.
Big congrats to you for waking up to how you were treated and getting him out of your life! You deserve some peace and quiet for a while.
That is amazing! Your ex sounds like a classic case of LVM. although the hitting himself and insulting your parents is low even for them.
It was the same feeling of fear that I would waste my life with my ex and have so many regrets that got me to finally end it.
Slight segway- how did you find out about FDS since we left Reddit? Or was it before that? I'm always interested to know how more women can find us!
I am worried that you said you felt "unsafe"... can you unpack that? Has he threatened you with violence, or is it because he refused to leave your home (which is a violation). Is there someone you can speak to nearby, a friend or family member who can perhaps come over and be a presence in the house for a few days? It seems unfair that you should move to a another state?