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I want to start by stating, I have nothing against marriage. I believe that if women want to marry, including myself, she/we should take the best deal available and nothing less. However, with so many women on my TL's sharing screenshots like the one I will below, why are women doing the absolute most (changing everything about themselves, placing their life goals/dreams on hold) for a cheap thrill? Wives are dropping the tea daily, and many of us still double down and do everything possible to land one of these man babies as partners. I would never pretend I have all the answers, however I do know that women (mostly those in my personal circle) never bother to negotiate the terms of a sexual and romantic relationship with a man in the beginning stages. Even now, I negotiate like hell. No exceptions.
I heard something recently that really stood out to me. It was in regards to an abusive man, but honestly I think it applies here too because this type of man is abusive (especially abusing his power) in some way.
An abuser will suddenly offer you all the stuff you want if you try to end the relationship. As soon as you say you're done they offer to go to counseling you've been asking about for years, they offer all the behavioral changes you've begged for, etc. It's just proof that they KNOW what you want/how to follow and they pretend not to understand and grasp it so they can continue to hold the power/control in the relationship.
I’m going through a divorce right now. While my husband had some great qualities, it took this process to see that I was getting excited about bare minimum behavior. We both have great jobs in tech and I’m involved in charity work. Despite working full time, working hard to stay in shape, getting involved with the community, I still took on 90% of the housework and the emotional labor of the relationship. I planned 90% of our dates, planned meals, vacations, and was even expected to take care of things like gifts for his friend’s kids on special occasions. What did he do? Well, he did the dishes and vacuumed when I asked, and would help with our dog. I grew bitter when I realized I was competing with video games and his level of comfort. I think a good partner can make marriage worth it. You just have to be careful who you end up choosing.
Strategic incompetence.
If i were her, up nursing the baby multiple times a night, i would make damn sure to interrupt his sleep the entire time 🙃 Pull the covers off him, poke him, turn on the lights and even a radio or tv, nice and loud. No REM sleep for you either buddy!
I would blow up once or twice a year—after months of complaining—and he’d sweep (half-ass job) and do dishes for like two days then go right bk to the bullshit. He couldn’t even pretend longer than two days. Once my mom pointed out how great he was at work, I made the connection. Happily divorced.