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Got this from SheraSeven (some of her principles are truly problematic like encouraging very large age gap, but her other principles -- especially on self-worth is ruthless). This one left quite an impression on me.
Because logically, when you are in love, your partner should be valuable to you -- and the same principle applies to him. He would want to do anything in his power to make you happy. He will feel happy when you are happy. His heart will break seeing you unhappy, stressed, in pain -- and will do anything to remove you from that pain.
Even when he are stressed or troubled in anyway -- letting it out on you will not even cross his mind. Because that's not how he treats a person he value so much. He will, metaphorically speaking, move mountains and walk on fire for you -- just so he can see you smile. And he wouldn't even ask for anything in return -- only for you to be happy, healthy, and safe. That's how valuable you are to him.
Anything less that that kind of sincerity is not love. Just some bullsh*t a scrote spews so that he can use a woman.
If he refuse to make you happy and smiling -- he doesn't value you. If he refuse to pay the bills and spoil you -- he thinks you are not valuable enough to him.
If he demands 50/50 in the relationship and marriage -- he thinks you are not valuable enough for him.
If he expects sex and services in exchange for him footing dinner -- he thinks you are worth only that much. A 50$ dinner.
If he isn't excited to take you out and go all out pursuing you -- he thinks you are not valuable enough for him.
If he stops treating you romantically after marriage -- he thinks you are not valuable enough for him to continue wooing you.
Stop settling for the bare minimum and get stupidly excited for crumbs. Because he thinks you are not valuable enough for him. Block and delete immediately anyone who dare treats you like you aren't valuable to him.
Only and only give your time and energy to a man who treats you like you are the most valuable person in his world. Because you are -- that's how love works.
So the next time you feel guilty for letting him pay for date and gifts -- remember that that is how he shows how valuable you are to him.
Stay safe, stay valuable.
This highlights how important it is that we take the time to recognize and embrace our inherent value before we date men. We put up with crumbs because that's what we believe we are worth.
I'm reading "All the rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider from the FDS reading list right now and it hits on this concept. The book is actually a little more extreme in some areas than FDS as FDS allows you to put yourself in the vicinity of a man and give him flirtatious glances, but the Rules prohibit you from even so much as eye-flirting with a man who hasn't noticed you first. I thought this was a fascinating addition, but I do think there could be some truth in it. The concept behind both FDS and the Rules is that men value most what they choose to pursue, not what women feel goaded into pursuing or women who "chose" them.
I mean, think about it. If you had a friend in your life who is treating you the way the man in your post treats his partner, would you continue to be friends with them? I mean, maybe, but would you revolve your life around that relationship?