Giving the same energy that others give to you

A while back(either on the old platform or here), someone made a post about only giving the same type of energy that people give to you. It took me a long time to understand what this meant since I was conflicted with the notion that you should treat people how you want to be treated. For a while, I felt there could be one answer. Today, I had a moment where I realized that it’s okay to practice both methods. I realized that they’re certain people that I should not bend over backwards for because they would not do the same for me.

Today, I learnt that instead of being let down by someone who is unreliable, it is better to just not expect anything from them and to only match the energy. These were two instances that occurred with two people that I’ve have known for a very long time. With one girl, I felt like I had over extended myself and she kept cancelling plans to the point where I found that it was extremely hurtful for her to make plans with me, make excuses, last minute reschedules, and just overall just being half-assed. I literally set time out my busy schedule for her and she’s not the only one who’s busy. What usually pisses me off is that she’s always said she’d have to check her schedule because she’s busy whenever we have plans to hang out. Today, she got a taste of her own medicine. I haven’t spoken to her for a few months. Truthfully, I have been enjoying myself doing all these fun things with family. I have forgotten about her and began to “heal” from all this hurt she’s caused. Today, she reached out and wanted to hangout with me (I know she will cancel and do a million reschedules). Instead of instantly jumping at her offer like I usually do, and putting everything off just for her, I took a step back, and told her that I already have prearranged plans that I can’t get out of since I paid for them (in the past, I’d literally not go to these paid events for her). What did she do? She left me on “read” and I did not proceed (like I usually do) to give her any available follow up dates, ask her when she’s available, nor did I feel the need to follow up out of guilt; it’s either on the notion of, if I’m free and if I want to hangout with her at this point. The reason why I have decided to take this calloused approach is because I have realized that she is not the type of person to go out of her way for me.

With another friend, I’m in the process of just figuring out if this person is busy or if that’s just our new normal. We completely stopped hanging out in person a few years back, but we’ve stayed in touch via text. This person remains a good friend with no ill will. Due to our lives taking a different turn, we naturally drifted apart. It was due to our schooling, both of us were on different sides of the country for a very long time, and she got married. Both of us have always planned to see eachother again, but it’s all in words. Interestingly enough, she reached out today asking how I was. Again, I exerted my newfound boundaries and kept it short and brief unlike I normally do which is literally make plans and an itinerary. What kind of surprised me is that this person asked to see me and made the initiative plans to see me around Thanksgiving. Albeit this probably won’t make it out of text, and I’ll only match their energy and not get disappointed when they do not follow up with a date and time. I’ll probably wait and see what happens and match their energy. With this encounter, I’m surprised that I did not over extend myself and put out more effort than what was needed. This person initated and asked to hangout with me, asked for my availability, and I answered their questions. I’m happy that I matched their effort and did not do anything extra. All in all, how I feel about this situation is that, nothing is set in stone. I don’t feel resentment towards this person over things that they’d say we’d always do. If we do eventually meet up again after half a decade it’s cool, but if that’s not case, I’m okay as I have matched their energy.

Anyways, I’m just proud of myself for handling these situations well. I have realized that there are people (like my parents) who are “down” for me and treat me well. They never go back on their word, or reschedule. Most importantly, they are always interested in my hobbies, and always available when it comes to me. These are the people that I should be bending over backwards for and over extending myself. In a way it’s been fun hanging out with my parents as they’re getting to know the adult version of myself, my newfound interests, and hobbies.