FDS Success Story: Engaged!

Dear FDS,

Thank you thank you THANK YOU ! I am engaged to a wonderful HVM and know I couldn't have done it without you. I blocked one of my rings in the above pic bc it is pretty recognizable.

What I wish I had done before FDS came into my life:

STAYED IN MORE. If I had stayed in, cuddling up watching an old movie, or journaling the night away, my mental health would've been in a much better place in relationships for years. If you get the ick, JUST STAY IN.

BLOCKED MORE MEN. I was slow to block men, thinking I might want to hear from them in the future. Wrong! I should've blocked men immediately after chatting or used more alternative chat apps.

EARLIER SELF CARE. My self-care was blocked by my career, my "friends", my really toxic city....if I had done yoga, eaten healthy and organic food, kept up with my healthy hobbies, moisturized, skin care, hair care, nail care earlier I would've had a much healthier mindset going into relationships. Instead I was pretty much a work + eat + sleep kind of girl, for way too long.

CUT TIES WITH TOXIC FRIENDS. Some of my friends, I realize now, were horribly toxic and encouraged me to mirror their toxic decisions in relationships. Heavily drinking, deeply insecure and not wanting to change, these women remain unhappy.

HONED MY INSTINCTS. I was deeply deeply unprepared for modern dating in a city. I was unprepared for being lied to, lovebombing, passive aggressive communication, hot and cold communication and manipulative tactics from men. There was no public school or government health class I could take which would have given me the appropriate skills to stay safe in the world of dating. I was woefully unprepared and suffered for it. Nobody gave me any advice. If I asked the older generations, they told me things were different now. If I had honed my instincts, and known to walk away as soon as I felt anything wrong, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.

SPIRITUALITY. Without delving into Christianity, and Christian teachings, my spiritual journey would've remained severely undeveloped. I found nothing mainstream, no media, no policy, no social norm, that spoke to the piece of me believing in standards. When I turned to modern film, I was confronted with women as sex objects (superheroes twerking). When I turned to written media, I was confronted with women as sex objects ("attract your man with this!" "turn your man on with this!" "15% off this and this plastic surgery to attract a man!"). When I turned to TV, society, anything, I was confronted with women as sex objects and the devaluation of women. I was told that to be a woman is simply a performance and it can be done by men. I was told a woman's sacred places are not that sacred. I was totally lost until I heard a sermon that said, "sin promises a lot, but fulfills almost nothing." Those words saved me.

WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH ON DATING APPS

My dating app struggle was truly a nightmare. Here are some men I met on dating apps, so if you think you're wading through shit, don't worry -- I've been there! I think dating apps may be the safest way to go because bars and late-night scenes are incredibly dangerous in the West today, but everyone's situation is different. The FDS advice of downloading an app for a week and then deleting it is so accurate and is actually how I met my fiancé:

A couple (man and woman) were looking for a threesome. Worst part? The man actually was a software engineer for OkC (the dating app). No surprise, I never found a match after I blocked them.

A sad teenage girl thinking she could find relief through sex with strangers :/

Drug addicts (cocaine, weed, pills, alcohol)

Men who hated their mothers and therefore all women

Men who were addicted to porn and hated all women

Men who were not over their high school/middle school sweethearts from over a decade ago (!)

Severely pornsick men, past the point of functioning

Men who were not over some random woman in their lives and projected all of their insecurities on other women

Men who truly hated women, hated everything about them, and believed it was important to make women miserable

Married men

Men in relationships, including living with their partner

Men who believed cheating was always justified for them

Men who believed children were a burden and spoke about children in dollars and cents terms only

Men who believed everything they saw in movies/read online (no critical thinking skills)

Men who firmly believed women should drive to them, alone, at night for very low effort dates (a bakery visit, a drink)

Men who assumed deeply personal things about me just bc I was on a dating app (what medications I was on, for example ! )

Men who wanted to doxx me due to holding different opinions from them, and threatened to do so

Men who had mental breakdowns when finding how much money I made versus them

All of this was just ON THE APPS THEMSELVES, and what I could screen out for my own health and safety. The lovebombing, hot and cold, passive aggression communication would come out in real-life dating.

The best piece of FDS advice I can give you is:

If he doesn't like you, you'll be confused. If he likes you, YOU WILL KNOW.