The Pros And Cons of Marriage

Agree, she was awesome! This was one of my favorite FDS episodes. The balance of pros and cons is so refreshing, and the advice is very helpful and actionable. 10/10 ✨💜

Prenups exist to cover all those bases. The only one I don't think a prenup could address is the subsidized housing and that is because of taxable income- but harsh take: if your foster daughter is in subsidized housing with young children and custody issues with their father- is she in a place where she should be dating at all? Single is the choice for her, she shouldn't be eyeing the dating/marriage market at all if her life is on the rocks.

Your friend that married the man-baby: that pisspoor decision wasn't because marriage is inherently detrimental to women, it was just a woman who knew better who didn't do better.

You, having earned a house and built yourself up are the perfect candidate for a rock solid prenup to protect your pre-marital assets (have you been married previously? Did you benefit from pooling your wealth if you did? If you were, to dole out advice to younger women of FDS that marriage is a detriment to them is BAD ADVICE and frankly malicious bc "oh marriage wasn't great for me because of XYZ, so no one should ever marry if they have anything to lose." (That's stupid.) You know what you do have to gain? Access to them in an emergency, the ability to decide what treatment they should receive because of how it will influence your life. Medical records etc- it doesn't mean that it'll be worth it, but if you find yourself sol bc you 'aren't family' then guess what: you woulda benefitted from marriage, bc all it is is legally making people family

That FDS has pivoted to equate marriage with gender roles expected in hetero relationships is mind boggling to me. Especially since FDS was one of the first places I noticed that pointed out the reasons for those old school dating advice was because it benefitted women. Marriage is a contract, and women now have full legal rights to make sure that contract protects them and benefits them- WHERE IS THE STRATEGY ON HOW TO WRITE A SOLID PRENUP, WHERE IS THE STRATEGY ON PREMARITAL COUNSELING TO NEGOTIATE EXPECTATIONS OF MARRIED LIFE TO PREVENT YOU FROM SLIPING INTO DETRIMENTAL GENDER ROLES? Where is the S? Where is the 'this is how to get married and not lose your identity because you didn't know the default wasn't beneficial to you'?

THAT is why I'm fed up w the hosts takes on marriage lately, they aren't using any of the FDS database posts (the few that are left) and they have adopted the same premise as Disney: that marriage is gender roles (it's not)

Most FDSers are young- and found FDS because they want to date and haven't found the casual/hookup culture worthwhile. FDS was one of the first places to say to women in this casual dating market: "it's ok to openly want commitment with the intention of marriage. Any man scared off by that was never gonna treat you right anyway. AND any woman pushing you away from your goals or encouraging you into FWB, or forever girlfriend land is just trying to find company in their misery.

You can't prenup your way out of having to split a potential inheritance, at least not in my state. I pushed my cousin towards premarital legal advice, and this was the spill she got.

I have a DPOA that takes care of loved-ones access in case of medical emergency, along with life insurance beneficiaries and a living will. This cost me around $30 in notary fees- you can find a lot of forms online!

I'm not advocating for anyone to marry or not marry. I'm advocating for an open examination of pros and cons. As my queen JKR says, "Live your best life in peace and security."

I'm sure that means marriage for some people. For others, I'm sure it doesn't.

As for me and my miserable company, I'll quote another queen, Princella Clark: "Weddings are for women. Marriage is for men."

For a woman late in life to tell a woman early on to consider things she doesn't have yet bc they might be taken from her if she married is bad advice to the younger woman.

Yes, there are plenty of trusts that can work their way around inheritance -and they can stipulate in the trust that the trust be protected in a prenup. Estate planning is bigger than prenups and marriage and you can do almost anything if you *want* to figure out how to do it. That's why I'm mad at the pros and cons aporoach- it isn't instructive on how to go about setting yourself up for success if through marriage, it's not even do you want to get married or stay a bachelorette! It's do you want to get married or have a long term boyfriend to avoid the pesky pitfalls of not learning about the legalese behind marriage.

Not another Princella Clark- her stuff is 🤦‍♀️ exactly what her target audience wants to hear (and I'm not her target audience). Does you calling yourself miserable company mean you are a divorce? Because the only advice I want to hear from divorce's is flags they ignored w their ex husband, and how to look out for yourself during divorce- no divorce who condemns marriage has learned something I haven't as a single woman side eyeing my friends questionable long term relationships

*Guess what, divorce laws are different in every state- know which state you should move to if you're considering divorce