Pretty Privilege Is Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be (FDS PODCAST EP. 76)

I’ll have to listen to this but sounds so on point. this Might sound off putting but I get attention and approached everywhere I go and all it means is that every single pyschopath I even walk by will try and come into me life to conquest me or manipulate me. Multiple stalkers to the point where I’ve developed ptsd after fearing for my life. And tons of sexual pressure, coercion, and people making up identities. I’m in my 30s now and I realize that people see all these men wanting to do something for me, but what they don’t see is that its quid pro quo, everything done has something expected and right after these POS psycho men do something they PROMPTLY begin to use it against me for coercion. The police often have to be involved. I CANNOT get to know men I don’t know anymore. it doesn’t matter what boundaries I have psychos Don’t respect boundaries even when cops are called. I can only date people who i know their reputation.

I have seen it in action. I now realize that long time friend of mine hinged 100% of her self worth solely on her looks when we were younger. She had amazing confidence when it came to men and always had some older guy after her. Well, cut to 20 years later, 2 kids from 2 different scrotes and zero self esteem. She is so insecure about her post pregnancy body and needs constant validation from anyone around her. It's sad really, she has almost no sense of self worth and no idea how to have it outside of being attractive, and although she's still beautiful, the fact that men don't fall all over themselves for her anymore has left her with zero tools to love herself and be confident from within. Her whole life got dragged by scrotes who only wanted to break and control her.

Main takeaway: it's hard to be a woman

Some very good points.

Attractiveness is also very...flexible. It's extremely easy to make yourself "unattractive", and also quite easy to increase your attractiveness. When I was younger I had very low self esteem, a terrible haircut and a hideous wardrobe. Post "glow up", sure I got more attention, but I think it has a lot to do with how I grew mentally....(due to greater wisdom and social skills) how you carry yourself, your confidence and your attitude. Honestly believing you are wonderful, and loving yourself will increase your inner glow more than any outfit, makeup or haircut. Pretty does not equal power. Self respect, social skills, confidence, and intelligence are more useful and powerful.

The podcast had so many valid points on the cons that can come with pretty privilege. I believe it does all boil down to who is receiving attention and whether that attention is beneficial in each circumstance.

For example, in a missing persons context, a conventionally attractive woman (especially white) is far more likely to get media attention and concern from the public eye. They are also far more likely to be taken seriously when reported missing.

Another thing I have witnessed on sites such as LinkedIn, is conventionally attractive women absolutely have the upper hand when it comes to networking and gaining assistance from their connections. Just this morning I saw a viral post of a woman who was laid off a day ago and within a matter of hours she had thousands of people offering free resume services, offering to be a reference, contacting connections for her, and she already has a new job lined up today. In her post she mentioned that many of those people were strangers. Would a non conventionally attractive or “ugly” woman receive this same outpouring of support? I would guess not.

Of course we are all still in the same boat of patriarchy, where women are more likely to be abused, murdered, and raped, and where even in circumstances where we receive support it is often with the expectation that we then offer some kind of service in return, usually in the form of sexual or romantic relationships.

All interesting things to ponder on! Thanks for another wonderful podcast, ladies.

I loved their discussion and they had good points. They articulated many things I thought when I was in my 20's like how being considered attractive makes you a target. At the time I felt competent at work but will never be sure if I got promoted because my boss at the time had a thing for me. It came at a huge price of being stalked by him and being afraid to tell anyone. He even moved into my apartment building and questioned me on comings and goings of any company I had there. He definitely thought he owned me. And of course my employees did not respect me as they respected the male managers and assumed I got promoted because of being a young and fairly conventionally attractive lady.

I also had a different boss before that (same place) tell me I had to wear skirts to work "to look more professional" as I had always worn pants. The next day I wore a modest skirt. He made a point to come up to me and whisper in my ear "you look like a slut today" and I spent some time crying in the supply closet that day. I wish I had sued them for sexual harassment but the place was such a boys club and the men in charge all had each others' backs. So was it a privilege to be attractive then? It may have gotten me promoted at work and translated into more income for me for a few years, so I guess it was. But at the cost of soul-crushing harassment(I no longer work there and have not for years).

Now in my 40's and I absolutely love that I get harassed wayyy less often. I am almost invisible. I'm pretty introverted though. And it never stops completely. I still get told to smile and get called things once every 5-6 times I go out and about by myself, just for refusing to walk around smiling all the time. I notice such a dropoff in being harassed in the past 5-10 years. Both positions are awkward as a woman and there is a noticeable difference. i notice that men I would not want anyway, have stopped approaching me and it has been an eye opener to see that no man I would have in initial

interest in based on his looks and perceived personality is paying me any mind either but I don’t think they were abundant in the first place. really made me think about how high a percentage of them are truly not worth it to me and kinda makes me mad how much they go through to waste so many ladies time.

I have felt it. Whenever I put effort into my looks men talk to me differently and want to be around me/in my space. That's great if you can use that for something (money, manual labor), but if you want to be taken seriously it becomes a liability. Men don't listen to attractive women or take them seriously, you can be one of those women showing off cars at a car show, but nobody will listen what you have to say about those cars on how to drive/fix them.

Also, attractiveness is HIGHLY subjective

This was a great episode! Made me reflect back on my experiences. I agree with Lilith that privileged treatment hinges more on perceived class status than simply attractiveness. Tbh as someone who used to be "stunning" in college, I genuinely can't recall any worthwhile benefits. It doesn't attract HVM to you, people underestimate your intelligence, and weirdo creeps are always in your business. I didn't date anyone during this time period because the men were all scrotes. Now I'm plain & a bit overweight, and my life is infinitely better. 😄 I have more confidence, money, and I no longer waste energy over-policing my appearance. I'll admit, I think it's smart to dress/groom at a perceived higher class. Not overdone stepford-wives level. But anything that makes you look a slight step above from people of Walmart.

I'm really glad the queens had a great back and forth on this and covered different sides and thoughts on the subject (and always here for Lilith's chaotic energy). I think I align a lot with Savannah on this, largely because I believe I would be considered pretty in the face but I've always struggled with weight which has been the deciding factor on how conventionally attractive I would be considered. Because of that I have noticed the severe difference in treatment depending on my thinness, which comes with it's own caveat that as a 5'10" Afro-Latina, my "thin" is never going to be the white stick western ideal. I think pretty privilege 'exists', but it's almost like a weird bell curve. Like there's a point where you're "above average" and you get those advantages of being attractive without the hard risks of being SUPER attractive (ie being threatening to other women or targeted by scrotes).

The way people treat me at different weights, esp men and even those who have known me long enough to be around for the changes, is astounding. I couldn't believe how much nicer, more open to just chatting, free shit, etc. I would get when I was more fuckable. Sometimes I think men don't even know how much nicer they are to women they find even remotely attractive; I think it's sometimes subconscious. My guy friends acted totally different, even when I knew they were not interested in dating or even fucking. Just by proxy of being more attractive, they were nicer. It was wild

Finally listening to this now. Excellent episode yet again! 🥳 the ladies are always right. Basically, we lose regardless. I have experienced a lot of the dark side of “pretty privilege”. Scrotes accuse me of getting free stuff all the time, but they’re so cheap that it doesn’t happen, they’re just assuming. Less attractive women have targeted me on the workplace and gone out of their way to stop me from working, as I’m seen as a threat, while the men are fake nice in the hopes of getting sex. It’s true that you have to befriend the hot guy to make other women be nice, or “dim your light” so that other women will like you. It shows us how many LV people are insecure. I would love to meet HV people would approve of me being myself, rather than side-eyeing me.

Goddammit, I wanna hear more of Savannah's thoughts on friending down, duffs, her observations on her weightloss journey and all! I would listen just Savannah solo hosting a show, instead of Lilith interrupting all the time. Good episode, and I want to hear more commentary about plastic surgery too.

'pretty privilege' is a weird term imo.

Ugh I feel icky asking but is there a guide on how to manipulate people? Is there an ethical way to be manipulative? I've always been very straightforward and even blunt, but I can tell it's negatively impacting my career.