How To Stop Being A Femcel (FDS PODCAST EP. 73)

I wish we would stop using that word. Re**it basement lingo is trashy and makes us seem like we are just like them. It's embarrassing to be honest.

I hate this language. I wish we could keep the content elevated - the same way we aim to do with the rest of our standards. I understand some women might struggle to date, and we can and should talk about that, but I don’t think this is the way. I also think the advice is pretty narrow here.

Yeah this episode didn't vibe with me. Would have been better to have a guest that identified as a femcel. I know they are just joking around but this one actually felt a little condescending. Just listened again to the one with Dr. Jessica Taylor. That's what I feel like FDS should be like. Not giving women in a bad mental space advice they won't listen to anyway.

Conflicting feelings on this one. I definitely laughed at the part about "Radical feminists want everyone to stop shaving their legs so they don't feel so ugly anymore." I mean, that's literally the patriarchal trope of a whinging ugly feminist. I'm pretty rad fem and I'm also good looking LOL. I don't think aligning with radical feminism is related to not fitting into beauty standards, but more just having the time and motivation to think critically about women's position in the world.

"Femcel" I really hate this scrote made-up term...as if we don't already deal with enough terms that demeans women, we don't need more of it ...I wish FDS would stop enforcing the use of this nonsensical term...the word "incel" was originally and rightfully used to describe a specific class of men whom to which earned this label! "Femcel" feels like a forced counterpart created by incels with a "tit for tat" attitude

Just conform to the pressures of a patriarchal society because my mommy, who was conforming to said patriarchal society, treated me badly 💁🏾‍♀️ You're a fat girl in highschool? Move to states where you have less rights 🤨 This episode really gave basic middle class white girl who uses a lot of makeup for some reason- I wonder why

There were some good gems of advice in this episode, but unfortunately they were a bit overshadowed with the conversation on "move where people are fatter". I didn't like how Savannah was steamrolled every time she tried to redirect the conversation to other steps women could take that don't involve moving their whole ass life. Please more thought out, level headed advice like Savannah's. I do like Lilith's honesty and unapologetic frankness, but she could use some... Refining. At the very least the editor could've cut down on how long that segment went.

Hard disagree with all these comments. If a woman wishes to call herself a femcel, she can. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like that shitty word either, but it is what it is. Stop policing women’s speech. I also have a massive gripe with the comments essentially stating this episode was too harsh. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however, FDS is known for brutal honesty. Stop telling women to make their thoughts and opinions more palatable. To soften their critique, to take up less space, to be more polite. Fuck that. If you want to level up to be a HVW, you need to recognise that it takes effort and accepting a few hard truths. FDS principles involve not coddling and pandering to men, but it also relates to women as well. We do not coddle fragile women who fail to acknowledge their shortcomings, refuse to do the work (i.e. improving emotional intelligence, working on personal level up journey, etc) yet having the audacity to expect ALL the results. The ladies were straight up at the beginning of the pod stating they would be brutally honest. Ugly people exist. Femcels exist. They are deeply insecure and need to embark on their own level up journey. FDS has at the very least helped start to equip them with the tools to start this journey. The purpose of FDS is to maximise female benefit, which involves reaching out to ALL types of females who need to level up, regardless of their politics or how they view themselves. I personally think the defeatist mindset of femcels is ridiculous and utterly unproductive. I think complaining about their looks/personality without doing anything about it, then having the gall to put other women down (who do have self-respect) is a shitty thing to do. Levelling up does not mean plastic surgery. Femcels need to review and optimise their personalities. I think it’s important that femcels take responsibility for what they are in control of, and stop fucking blaming patriarchy for everything. The patriarchy didn’t stop you from showering and brushing your teeth FFS. Women are not all HVW, and there are way too many subsets of pick mes that need to be challenged. We recognise male depravity, however, we need to hold women accountable as well. This was an important episode and I am proud of the ladies for starting to call out the more challenging women who need to level up.

Generally liked the good advice about moving and finding the environment they would fit into. A lot of people underestimate the influence of the environment where maybe the reason you can't date or don't do well is because you need to try a different place. Many women's self-esteem or worth gets tanked growing up in ultra-religious, conservative or otherwise places that stunt your growth as HVW (India, Pakistan, deep south of the US, etc.), so they either become self-destructive, Femcels or settle for zero value people because they are told that they don't fit into the local mold. I am one of those people, I moved across the country away from anyone I knew, but it was my best decision.

Okay, just listened to this episode and I understand the mixed feelings/reactions. There were times when the tone could have been more compassionate for sure, the target audience is insecure young women after all. But I think the advice was mostly in good faith and useful, though not in all cases. Moving is not an option, or even a wise option, for most people. But for someone on the cusp of going to college or starting/changing a career, and who generally does not feel they fit very well within their current city and family culture, it could be a way to increase their likelihood of breaking free from the standards they are currently judged by, and finding their tribe. As for the term "femcel", the podcast was directed at those who identify as such, so in order to reach them alone, they would have to use it. Moreover, I feel like a big part of the podcast was dedicated to explaining why femcels are not actually femcels (women doomed to be single because of their physical appearance). Their lack of success in dating might better be attributed to their environment/upbringing/trauma/shitty friends/poor grooming/poor social skills etc. All things that can be worked on.

Personally, I can relate to the femcel-adolescence: immigrant daughter, nerdy, felt invisible, didn't start dating until in my 20s, when I was in university and met more like minded people, as well as grew more into my looks. It was only then that I realized I had been underestimating my "genetic" attractiveness all those years. Started taking grooming more seriously in my late 20s, and I love it. I do it because it feels nice to invest in myself, feel connected to my body, and develop my personal sense of style and beauty.

You made me laugh about moving to some place where more people are overweight. It's not a bad idea but that's a life-changing decision just to fit in. But jeeze you dwell on women's weight thinking eating too much is the only reason why women have excess weight. It's not. Medical conditions that cause this are not rare. Metabolic changes and weight gain are common side effects of common medications. Add in aging and weight can be hard to manage no matter what a person eats.

Oh and shaving. I have never had a lot of hair to shave but used to be shamed for not shaving it. It never stopped a man's interest in me. It was just toxic harassment by men who want women to think we are barely acceptable.

But you said the truthiest truths when you said men don't care as much as they say and if you have a pussy you won. Women are made to suffer for being born awesome.

Couldn’t finish this episode. I felt like on a second part of “mean girls”

I can't recall if this is the actual episode they did this on but I was so put off by Reaux and Lilith saying uglier women can do better in the Midwest and South bc those places have more unattractive women. Coastal women are not more attractive, they're just expected to perform beauty more and to greater degrees while Southern and Midwestern women can get away with being natural and not weight obsessed. It was a weirdly catty thing to say even though they probably didnt mean it that way.

Also, why is Lilith deciding where the less attractive women are from? Girl, you're Canadian, you don't even sit here 😂 How would she know?

Does anyone else feel like they are not gaining much from this forum or even the podcast, I mean this episode was a complete mess. As much as I detest Reddit I miss the community we had on there and the information we all shared. There are only 3k members on here. Women aren’t coming on here for a reason. What can we do about this to get the community back?

I liked this episode, some good solid advice and very relatable for those who grew up awkward (immigrant parents, omg)

I didn’t listen to the podcast, but, as a fat woman, stop using us as people to compare yourselves to or lesser people. There is no one body type and diets have a 95 - 99% fail rate. Studies on weight loss consider a minority of weight loss a success and do not extend beyond three years (when most all the weight and more has been gained back). It is okay to be fat. Being fat does not mean being gluttonous or having BED or being lazy. Yes, there is the HAES movement, but, it is also okay for fat women to not be healthy. We don’t deserve any less respect because we are fat. Fat women are either objectified or a before picture. Stop it. “Obese” is a slur. It is meant to medicalize a body and not recognize the person. Obesity is NOT a disease or an epidemic, and there is no cure. 1/3 of people in America are “overweight” and 1/3 of people in America are “obese”, meaning 2/3 of Americans are more fat than not per the BMI (which means fuck all. It doesn’t measure health OR even body fat.). Also, what constitutes as, “obese,” changed. People who were within the “normal” range in the 1990s changed to “overweight” because, if there is a problem, then you can be sold a solution. Also, please check out this book: Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia Book by Sabrina Strings.