Exploiting The Cracks In Male Solidarity (FDS PODCAST EP. 83)

I have to admit, I haven’t always agreed with Lillith, what with finding inaccuracies in some of her assertions presented as fact, and some of her generalizations. But I have to say, her strategy in getting by in a world run by men is ruthless, calculating, and it is brilliant. She presents her tips in a very direct, easily understood way. I was literally taking notes. I am not at the point where I am as detached as her and so I still find the need for these methods depressing (and I also deal with illogical guilt), but it does not change the fact that they are effective and necessary. Highly recommend this episode. I feel a little more aligned with Reaux in that she does seem emotionally impacted by the unfairness of the big picture, and would love an episode where she leads on strategies to manage the hurt, with Lillith- who seems to have fully mastered the hurt (but as a result I cannot connect to her as much, and no that is no fault of hers)- chiming in to support those strategies. I don’t want to ignore Savannah here as I love her contributions as well; while I cannot say myself how she would fit into such an episode, I have no doubt her thoughts on the matter would be valuable.

Another great podcast ladies! I love the "hide your lips" expression, lol. Also, mystery man at work with no wife etc might be asexual. He sounds lovely.

I just want to say Harvey Weinstein is extra repulsive. I've never seen a man before who simultaneously looks dusty, but also like you'd find a copy of Marmaduke copied on his belly once you managed to peel it off his leg.

And I can't get the image of Aziz Ansari as a muppet out of my head. I can't help but imagine Statler and Waldorf saying "Bless you" every time he tries to introduce himself and eventually he's dragged off Sesame St while Elmo screams, "NO NO NO NO NO!" (But like he screams at Rocko)

This episode could be it's own chapter of the handbook! Excellent advice, especially for women like me who grew up sheltered/unaware of male behavior or pecking order. So true that men can't be debated into logic, you just have to express that they disgust/displease you and their "status" will drop. I've also experienced the grumpy gruff older male colleague who is ruthless to males but a softy to the women. Almost like a grandfather figure. I guess some would call it paternalistic, but tbh we should appreciate any advantage we can get.

This is a great episode and relevant to me rn! 😄 I made notes too, and I feel like I already started doing these things but forget to use humour to embarrass them. I get too serious.

I loved this episode, so full of gems!

The advice to become friends with the female colleagues and be more cautious towards the men reminds me of something I read in the book Chimpanzee Politics by Frans de Waal. So, for female chimpanzees it is a lot easier to predict who they will defend in a fight between other chimpanzees, it's their children or friends in most cases. Even when their friend is being the aggressor, the one who is taking something from another chimpansee or attacking them, they will still defend the friend. Male chimpanzees on the other hand will change up their strategy a lot more, and basically that's (most likely) because they are more opportunistic. Being at the top comes with a lot of material and sexual privileges, and their hierarchy is less stable than the female hierarchy (as older males get weaker, younger get stronger, new alliances are formed all the time), so there's a lot of vying and "backstabbing" to get to the top. The male chimpansees discussed in the book will very easily go from collaborating and playing together to competing and intimidating/attacking each other again, and then back to collaborating.

I know we're not chimps but the similarities are striking. For me the takeaways are:

Don't expect the same loyalty from men that you are inclined to give to others, and second, don't be surprised when women are irrationally loyal to abusive people or groups.