Don’t Fall For Hobosexual Sob Stories (FDS PODCAST EP 85)

Always remember, if he were a good man, other MEN would help him out. The fact that he’s asking women for help is a huge red flag meaning that he’s such a bum that his male friends and family won’t put up with him anymore. His mother won’t help him either, and that’s from bad experiences with him. No man who likes a woman would ever ask her for money. Only men who hate you and want to use you would ask you for money. A man’s ego is HUGE. The fact that he’s suppressing his ego enough to ask you for money means that he DGAF about you. He’ll be taking your money and using it for other women the he does like.

Good episode. Yes, I find with social services women Especially do tend to operate based on what is actually the rare exception rather than rule. There are men homeless due to horrible circumstances that are not their fault. However, it’s actually the exception. it Happens, but mostly not. Compassion and empathy is beautiful, however it’s manipulated and exploited so often by men these days because society Doesn’t shame men for taking advantage of women anymore. so now women have to reserve all compassion for men who have absolutely proved themselves and whom are the large contributors to the relationship. Men need to give.

Love this episode! I learned a lot and enjoyed hearing Savannah's first hand experience. It's such a breath of fresh air to not be gaslit into empathy for men who don't deserve it.

When I first moved to my area, I was shocked at the homeless guys on the streets asking for money. It's a very nice area and it made sense in hindsight, but it was wreaking havoc with my emotions. I felt my mood drop whenever I saw one of them. My boyfriend at the time said, 'It's their life choice. Stop feeling so bad.'

I found that quite callous but honestly it just makes me laugh now because he taught me some things about how much of the pressure to empathise is put on women and how men can just walk by each other without giving a shit.

Forget volunteering, like the poor, women need to get paid for labour--especially when the current systems already pay women too less when society functions on the backs of women's thankless labour. How about men look after themselves?

I'm so glad to hear other women say they won't give money to homeless men out loud. I'm the same way. I used to give money away to whoever asked for it for most of my life until I ended up spending a few weeks at a women's shelter after I left my fiancee who started to turn abusive. Talking to the women in the shelter really opened my eyes to the reality of the situation of homelessness and domestic abuse. Every single one was terrified at the idea of sharing a space with men. The shelter also ran a men's shelter nearby which was technically mixed sex, but it was so unsafe for women there that it became the men's shelter by default because women would rather sleep outside (where they would probably freeze to death) than sleep next to homeless men. It was a deeply ingrained fear that they would have to leave the women's only space and be forced to "date" a man on the streets for protection.

One thing that I didn't expect was many of the homeless women viscerally HATED the homeless men because they would spy on and stalk the women to help their abusers. Apparently it's SUPER FUCKING COMMON for abusers to hire homeless men to keep tabs on their victims and report their movements to the abuser.

When I recovered and a few years later I got a job downtown where there were a huge number of homeless men living I got a different view. So many of them were rapists, like known rapists, and my coworkers pointed them out and told me not to give money to certain guys because they would "take it as provocation" and would follow you home and try to rape you. That's right, helping a certain type of homeless man is a "provocation" for stalking and rape. There were so many stabbings (like basically every day I was walking around blood splatter). The homeless women couldn't even stay downtown (where most of the money and help is) because of how dangerous the men are.

So now I don't give money to homeless men. Every now and then I will get some food if the guy is really old or something, but I only ever give cash to women.

It's so cathartic to hear someone tell it like it is: these are the type of assholes who use and abuse everyone around them, that's how they ended up running out of people who will put up with them, and we don't owe them our sympathy.

If anything, having sympathy can put us in harm's way.

A kind woman who was trying to help was stabbed to death by a homeless man and everybody was all "throw the book at him!" until a news outlet interviewed his friend, who claims the killer used to be a great guy until someone falsely accused him of sexual assault.

I'm following this news on Preddit (trying to quit, but still haven't found a better place for up-to-the-minute discussion on local topics). In typical Preddit fashion, far too many of the comments turned sympathetic to the killer. "Aw, poor guy, his life got ruined by a false sexual assault accusation! It's society's fault we didn't give him free therapy to deal with that trauma!"

I can't with these people.

I'm unfortunately one of the few saying we shouldn't just take his friend's word for it.

Another on-point episode ladies. I love the nuanced discussion, the first hand experience.

I got into that pile up on twitter for agreeing. I knew what was meant by the OP from experience without clarification. I don't know if people shit posted me because I eventually just muted it all. It's difficult to clarify this in tweets.

What was being said is that the homeless people who can not benefit from the systems supports are most often violent men. People who don't have histories of violence will eventually find their way into systems of support and be able to benefit from them. Men who are violent burn through their support systems and wind up literally on the street. It's a matter of mathematics that the majority of people completely unhoused on the street have a history of violence.

When I lived in Europe I had a lot more encounters with homeless people than I have in the US because I walked everywhere or took public transit. The homeless people in Europe are in better shape and many who present as homeless are actually housed. There are genuinely homeless people in Europe who either refuse the help available to them or they are from a country outside the EU and are ineligible for the support but they choose to remain there because there's more support available for them.

My daughter and I were occasionally followed and harassed by homeless seeming people. Some of those people turned out to be on disability, housed but still aggressive and antisocial. They mistook us for tourists and thought they could intimidate us into giving them money. However, one of these guys I found out was routinely harassing my child while she was traveling to and from school. She didn't tell me for a long time. But one day we were traveling on public transit together and this guy approached her, not realizing she was with me. I told him to never speak to my child again or I would find him and deal with him unpleasantly. Yes, I threatened him. He never spoke to my child again. Being American has some built-in intimidation it seems because people assume we are all violent. Don't mess with my child I will get violent.

I also had a homeless seeming man stalk me around the city frequently. I found out he wasn't homeless because he lived in the same building as a friend of mine. He was on disability, a heroin addict and he begged for money for whatever his pension didn't pay most likely heroin. He looked homeless. The man wore the same clothes all the time, didn't bathe, and claimed to be homeless. There were a lot like him. One day I had some women stalking me around demanding I give them money AFTER I gave one of them money. They found out I live near them and left me alone. Loved being mistaken for a tourist. They were a nuisance, not a threat like so many men were.

Back in America, the homeless population is more serious. There are few safety nets. Some have been homeless living in the same part of the city for so long that I know their stories. Most of them have families who won't take them in anymore. They have burned their bridges. They are prone to violence. They can't get a bed in a shelter because of their tendency to violence. Yes the US has serious problems with the dismantling of the safety nets that make this worse. Mental hospitals have been systemically closed over the past 40 years that have forced a lot of people into desperate situations. Halfway houses for ex-convicts have been closed which provided a home for people transitioning from incarceration to a stable life on the outside, which forces a lot of people into homelessness. Federal housing assistance is underfunded and over-stressed and can't serve people who have drug convictions. Fewer safety nets make the problem much worse.

There are still people who completely fall through existing safety nets while there are many people who are able to get out of homelessness using what little is available. Those are the ones you need to be most wary of. If I have two homeless cousins, one male, and one female, I will give space in my home to the female. She is less likely to be violent, less likely to be dangerous, and more likely to benefit from the help. The male presents a threat no matter what. Even if she is profoundly mentally ill and keeps me up at night with her behavior, I can live with her until I find an alternate housing situation for her. I can't live with a man being aggressive and violent. Most people are similar. That is why homeless men living on the street are more likely violent than the average population of men and more than homeless women.

What was said was perfectly rational. A big part of the outrage seemed to not take into account the realities of homelessness and regard it as insensitive. The other part of the outrage came from the male scrotes heads exploding with 'how dare you accuse men in desperate circumstances of being terrible.' No matter what, women are easier to help than men even when a woman is very difficult to help. Women are less dangerous than men. Not saying women can't be dangerous. I have had a homeless woman put a knife in my face threatening me. That was fun. I still give women the benefit of a doubt.