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So, sisters, maybe it’s just an unreasonable me-thing, but I need to rant:
I hate, hate, hate that it’s seemingly normal for women to assume that their partner – be it a husband or random hookup – is automatically welcome and included in every invitation and to bring him without even bothering to give anyone a heads-up. I’m not talking about big events where everyone brings a plus-one like weddings or bigger parties. I’m talking about normal activities with friends or errands that bring you to a friend’s house.
I have downgraded so many people back to „acquaintance“ because of that. It’s a simple rule: If I invite you, that invitation does not automatically extend to other people. I don’t care if it’s your boyfriend, husband, cousin or random neighbor. I don’t care how close you are. If I wanted these people there, I would have invited them. Leave them at home unless I explicitely tell or allow you to bring them.
I swear, so many women seem to stop existing as an individual with her own life the moment they enter any kind of relationship with a man and just vanish into the „couple identity“ completely. There is no more „I“, only „we“. Men aren’t like this. You don’t see men randomly bringing their girlfriends to a „boy’s night“ or letting them tag along unannounced and uninvited when they visit a male friend.
Sincerely, an annoyed Erythrura
…whose „friend“ announced she would come by quickly to pick something. I just came out of the shower, so I opened my apartment door dressed in a skimpy robe with a towel on my head expecting only her but was greeted by her with her newest hookup whom I had never seen before. And they both promptly tried to invite themselves in so she could introduce him to me. Screw that.
... who had so many random men show up when she was selling something online to what appeared to be a woman while texting and was definitely a woman on the phone who never bothered to even mention that it would be her boyfriend who would pick the item up.
… and who sat through so many uncomfortable evenings that were supposed to be a nice time with some old girlfriends where you can also talk about personal things … and then someone brings a random dude or boyfriend you have seen once before for 5 minutes and you spend the whole evening making awkward, forced smalltalk with a scrote nobody invited.
I shared pictures of the beach near my place and a person really liked the area and asked if she could spend a week there to relax from work, I was like okay sure but then later she said that her husband and brother will be coming a long too, I ghosted her right away. Simply because you didn't say a word about bringing two men where I'm at. I don't know these people, she didn't ask If it was okay, she pretty much behaved like it's a package deal. Nope, I will not have men where I'm at, I've sworn to keep men at a small distance so that they don't take my peace away not even for a day.
Men are invaders by nature and don't respect your way of living and your life rules. They will mold you into someone they want to have or see in a woman wether if you are married to them or not.
I will not be friends with people who make their man or other person show up unless I had a heads up before hand and my permission is given, even if it's their kid, ask first or don't bother.
I swear pickme women treat their men like coddled dogs who can’t be left home alone too long 😩 I too hate granting permission to a woman, and then somehow the door of my acceptance gets involuntarily widened to include a man. It hurts to lose/downgrade friends, but good for you for not chronically putting up with disrespectful women bringing their pathetic men in tow.
I agree that it's really annoying when you invite a woman to something, only for her husband/boyfriend to tag along with her. TBH I think that women who do this are rude pick-mes because it's common courtesy that if an invitaiton is made to you and only you, you should at least ask permission before bringing along someone else. Also it can change the whole mood of the evening. Sometimes it's nice to have a "girls night" where it's women only and you can talk about things that you wouldn't with a man in the room. I used to have 2 friends who were always doing things like this. One was a pick-me who ghosted me once she got married. The other wasn't necessarily a pick-me, but she was inconsiderate and low value. Basically what I'm saying is, it's a red flag when a woman does this and going forward, I will rethink a friendship if someone does this.
100%
I can't stand this ! If it's a "girls night" why are you bringing some guy around.
And it's always a surprise when they do this too. They never ask if it's ok to bring the guy with them. They just assume we want to hang around a guy we barely know.
Urgh, yes!
Pickmes always center their lives around men.
Your post reminded me of a friend I used to have. We met for lunch and after chatting for an hour, her BF came out of nowhere and joined us. Her reason for inviting him? She wanted to surprise me.
Why the hell would that be a surprise?!
So embarrassing.
I need to take a page out of your book. The next time a friend pulls this off, it's the automatic acquaintance boot.
Ewwww I fucking hate this shit so much !! This posts triggers me 😂😂
This is sooooooo rude and it’s a major problem for me as well. I stopped hanging out with one friend in particular because once she got a boyfriend, she would not go anywhere with me, just the two of us. He always had to go too. I think he was extremely controlling and that was a rule he implemented for her.
I had plans to go with another friend overseas a couple years ago (We cancelled because of Covid). At one point she said that she was hesitant to tell her NVM about the trip because he’d want to go and wouldn’t have the money. Sis, no, the problem isn’t that he wouldn’t have the money. The problem is that I invited YOU to go with me (I’m the one who speaks the native language there and knows the laws/customs) and if you would rather spend the time with him, that’s fine, you two can go together but don’t expect me to be your tour guide. I couldn’t believe that her main contention was his lack of money and not “I don’t want him going because this is our thing.” The hotel arrangements would've been awkward as hell.
A male injected into a female group, instantly changes the dynamic. A month ago, I made plans to hang out with a new coworker. She and I hit it off. We worked one day, then she invited me to hang out later after work. I thought it was going to be the two of us, but she not only brought her bf, but her bf brought his childhood friend, and it ended up being a forced double date of sorts. I am pretty sure she didn't mean for it to be a double date. I think she was thinking,"the more the merrier", but by the end of the night her bfs friend was trying to get me to go home with him to use me for sex, and it just really pissed me off, that I had to go into self defense mode with that scrote when I thought it was just gonna be us two hanging.
If they can't even ask beforehand blockkkk
I've experienced telephonic versions of this, and it always left a bad taste in my mouth.
There were times when I used to talk about very personal matters with a friend on the phone. After she let me go on for a bit, she would say, "Hey, [my husband] has been listening, and he thinks [blahblahblah]". It turned out she'd put me on speaker for anyone and everyone to hear. I felt like my privacy had been invaded, especially since I did not give two shits about her husband's input.
It's rude, inconsiderate behavior.
I'm with you on that. I remember one time, I had a meetup with one of my girlfriends to buy lingerie. I thought we'd have fun whole day (since we met in noon) or at least grab a brunch or something. But no, she brought along her scrote husband so the whole meeting took not even 20 minutes?? Wtf 🤦🏻♀️
Girl, I organized a night out with girlfriends. I wanted to get to know, and one of them could not stop talking about her bf. It is as if dude was with us the whole night. Then she would try to make other women talk about their respective bfs. I was losing it, I swear, so I had to change the topic purposely....
I had the accidental opposite of this recently. I invited a couple of good friends to dinner here knowing my husband was working late and would be too tired to socialise anyway when he got home. And due to circumstances it was at the married friends house instead. Her husband was obviously part of the dinner company. It’s not the same when there is a man present.