The Systemic Violence of Pick-Mes in Real Time.

Good afternoon,

I've recently, unfortunately, experienced and witnessed the systemic harm "Pick-Me" women can cause to others in a rape crisis center environment.

I've always been a person who operates with an FDS philosophy, even before knowing what that was. I center myself, my health, education, career, pleasure, and enjoyment of life. I'm part of the demographic of the happiest people around: child free (sterilized), single,  independent. I have no plans to center anyone other than myself in my life and I encourage others to do the same!

Because of this, I was targeted and violently SA'd by a man I met this summer while we were volunteering. He felt insecure and wanted to "put me in my place" for existing as an independent, autonomous and happy woman. I'll spare a lot of details; as we're going through courts and litigation. But you can imagine what an insecure porn addicted scrote would do.

And if this wasn't enough, a month after the assault, I reached out to a rape crisis center via their 24/7 hotline while having late night PTSD flashbacks and couldn't calm down. I disclosed what happened to the crisis worker who then began discussing the importance of consent with BDSM. I was in shock. I just described an assault, and she's talking to me about BDSM? I went to complain to the manager in person who seemed to take my concerns seriously. However, when I expressed my annoyance and exhaustion from not only rapists, but all the women who enable them and eagerly act like free rapist trainers in our community are just as complicit. Then the manager pipes up and said something along the lines of "Even if you are into... lists horrifying misogynistic fetishes what's important is consent."

I felt like an alien. Surely I must be the last woman on Earth that doesn't want or expect violence as regular sexual activity. Instead of trauma informed care, it seemed like rapist-centered care. It was so insanely invalidating that even a crisis center for survivors failed to see the violence in what happened to me. It was just a matter of whether or not I consented to my own horrific abuse and subjugation from an acquaintance.

That being said, it pissed me off so much and let me see clearly why I need to take this fight all the way through. I have little faith in the courts, but he should be exposed for what he did, and this crisis center should as well. It's clearly reflective of a much larger sociocultural problem. Violence against women seems to be scrutinized and seen as wrong by most, until that's their kink. Then it's cool and should even be glorified and celebrated.

What a fucking nightmare for us to live and fight through. Not all other women are your friends, in fact, they can be the biggest supporters of patriarchy and would happily step on your neck for proximity to men and the meager perceived social benefits they reap for it.

I'm very tired, but recovering and not giving up. I've found comfort in other women that, just like me, are considered "radical" for expecting and wanting to be treated with humanity and dignity.

Thank you all for your existence and resistance. It's the medicine I needed.