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Recently i’ve noticed a pattern with a few friends, while overtly they talk about female friendships and not giving a fuck about men. However, most of the things they do somehow is directed to please the male gaze and get male validation. Under the disguise of being a girl’s girl, and wanting to focus their friendships with other women, all they talk about is ‘MEN’. If their conversations were to undergo the bechdel’s test they would barely make it through.
The subtle nonchalant attitude of not wanting any male validation but gushing about it when a man likes your stories or replies to them. While complaining at the same time that this guy is so pathetic and lame but also replying back to him again and again. I mean if you find him so pathetic why is he still in your life? The amount of cognitive dissonance these girls have left me with is insane.
Such girls often criticise the behaviour of other girls with regard to men and their pick me behaviour but, doing this you are still focusing on men, that you deem to hate.
Oomf said that she wanted to join dating apps for fun and not to meet men, but again isn’t that also inherently wasting time on men.
In terms of hobbies and self fulfilment, I have barely seen them picking up any interests and hobbies. I think we need to be more cautious when vetting friends because a lot of girls are basically the same content of a pick me but in a different font.
i don't see such women as complete pickmes. i think they are people who are struggling to decenter men. they flip the 'direction' but they are still centering men. and they haven't notied that yet. relationships are an important part of life and feminism adn such make up for a significant part of women's idendity, especially young women.
when i realized men had nothing to offer and i was much better off alone, i would not shut up about how horrible men were. it felt like i had make a majure scientific dicovery or something. how did i not see this before?? it's so obvious! so it became something very important to me, like this sort of great insight that would save me and could save other women.
one day i realized i was still centering men. and i think it happened because of the idendity thing i mentioned and the feeling of "now i know, so everybody should know too". we grow up centering men in every aspect of our lives, so no wonder it's hard to let go of the habbit, even after we open our eyes to the truth. it's going to take them a while to understand what they are doing. and it's going to suck when they do. when i did, i felt like a pathetic hypocrite. and then i had to think twice before speaking out about male depravity.
all that being said, i agree that we need to vet our friends really well. and if you don't want to be friends with women like those you mentioned, you have the right to let them go.
I'm so sick of it. I literally have no friends because I have yet to meet any FDS-aligned women IRL
Many women aren't willing to de-center men in a true sense, as in hating men and constantly trying to find one simultaneously (as others mentioned on here) is not us decentering them.
I had to be completely single for four years and actively work at decentering them to get it to stick. Undoing all of that conditioning can be difficult and certainly was a long process, but the more I stuck to it the easier it became. I think the one I am most proud of was decentering the male gaze in my life. It's a wonderful feeling when it is gone, but that conditioning in me ran deep (as I think it runs deep in all of us).
Send these girls the FDS handbook or specifically the parts on leveling up. I think it's this that helps us the most in breaking the conditioning. Couldn't hurt to share it with them.
I had a pickme friend who called herself a feminist but would defend bdsm, dud not not arrange any legal protection when she moved in with a scrote and had the audacity to tell me my standards are too high. Also defended scrotes in women's sports.
Sounds like these women are TRYING to de-center men but still have some compulsions to grow out of. If you don't have the patience for it, you're allowed to distance yourself or set a boundary.
I also don't think we as women in a patriarchal world can fully forget about men, unfortunately because they will always come looking for us. It's not necessarily that we have to center men to stay safe but we must always be weary of men to stay as safe as possible. Whether we like it or not, men will always influence women's lives, even if we don't want them to. It's a necessary evil of navigating womanhood.
Hopefully these women in your life will learn the difference sooner rather than later
Like you, I find it very annoying when women you thought were FDS-aligned expose themselves as secret pickmes. They’re like men who pretend to be good guys but slowly expose their scrote ways.
Like you rightly said, you need to vet women.
It’s not enough to jump straight into friendships with women because not all women are good quality people. I also find it draining, annoying and boring when women you meet spend majority of their time talking about men relentlessly. They do nothing to improve their lives but don’t mind whiling their time away on useless men. Once we meet women who are like this, drop them immediately so that you have space in your life for women who focus on self-improvement rather than being male-obsessed.
I don't get the point of having fake friends. If OP thinks their friends are pick mes they should have moved on from this situation long ago instead of making a post talking shi on them and still wearing a mask around them. That is LV behavior and possible projection.
Curious to know what others think: My ex friend used to be FDS-aligned yet somehow ended up on this weird pipeline (maybe tradwife?). Suddenly obsessed with her partner becoming a financebro, full on nagging and fighting him over it because "he'll make a lot more money as a financebro than he is now as a dentist" (basically Barb-the-builder and trying to change everything about him). She hates her own job too, so she's taking the easy route by wanting to quit work and just marry a really rich partner and have lots of kids young so she can be a "Hot Young Mom" and be admired for it. Her ruthless feminist attitude is now used for the wrong reasons. Like I don't think quitting her career and making demands at her partner is high value at all. And it also felt like such a betrayal, as if her FDS-alignment was all just talk or that she is too lazy to actually work on herself. To this day, I'm still confused by it.