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Hi, I’m mostly new here.
Well, new to posting, anyway.
I found FDS on Reddit years ago after an abusive disaster of a relationship that had me searching for answers on how to deal with it. I’ve lurked for quite a while.
And now, I’m angry.
For many of you ladies, the things I’m angry about are nothing new, but I feel the need to voice it, nonetheless.
Prior to reading FDS regularly, I was oblivious to many problematic things about our society and now it’s everywhere and I’m traumatized. (But mostly pissed).
“Family members“ have suddenly revealed themselves to be massive, raging, narcissistic pickmes who think it’s fine and lovely to be abused regularly by their diehard religious husbands, are now criticizing me from a pretentious high horse about how “angry I am” and how it’s ”not healthy”. Excuse me? Whats not healthy is letting your husband r*** you and control all of your social media accounts.
ANYWAY, I think social media finally broke me. Lately I’ve followed some groups that I THOUGHT were safe havens for women but allowed all sorts of men into them and were swarming with raging pickmes. I remember being confused about how FDS always talked about pickmes, I thought it was too harsh and disrespectful. Boy was I WRONG.
It’s absolutely outrageous to me what women will excuse and put up with. Example: just had the joy of my trauma being triggered after seeing someone post a real story where a wife was with her husband. The husband asked her to close her eyes and count to ten, acting like he had a surprise for her, and when she did that, he stabbed her. There were dozens of women laughing at this story and openly saying how funny it was, and of course, lots of men approving of these comments.
How has this become the norm in our society????
Why is Johnny Depp allowed to abuse drugs and alcohol, willingly associate with convicted abusers, say utterly horrific and vile things and get a free pass from the raging pickme idiots who are all “Ooo baby come here and I‘ll give you something to be happy about again” or any number of more graphic and disgusting come-ons.
PICKMES ARE DANGEROUS.
Imagine losing your life (per horrible news story mentioned above) in the most heartbreaking way imaginable and instead of women standing with you and honoring your memory or using the story to raise awareness about abuse, you have pickmes giggling gleefully at your pain and suffering. Imagine dating someone who was 22 years your senior (Depp case) and instead of your side being understood, pickmes delight in your pain, public humiliation and suffering all because they want to sleep with the washed up drug addict male who is pudgy, bloated and well past his prime.
I dated someone in a huge age gap relationship and guess what? They weren’t a knight in shining armor. FDS showed me all that all the tired phrases and stupid shit they say are just recycled, overused, and cliche things millions of other abusers say. When I was in an age gap relationship it almost cost me my life and my health.
Anyway, pickmes make me so pissed off and I am so over it all.
The more I learn, the angrier I get about how we A. Raise boys to be misogynists and B. Raise girls to be naive and trusting and let them be ground to a bloody pulp in this culture. It's inhumane.
I think women are constantly gaslit about how we should connect with our anger. I’m glad we have made a safe place where women can express their rage without being shamed for it.
I hear ya girl. If I see another post about that freaking Depp trial, I’m throwing my phone in the ocean. I am so pissed off that he is becoming a martyr for MRA’s, and I am pissed that she’s getting dragged so hard. Even if she did everything he’s saying and was a complete abusive nightmare, I still hate how everyone is ignoring the inherit predatory nature of their relationship. I hate the praise he’s getting and how much she’s getting dragged. We didn’t see this much support for Rihanna when she was beaten to an absolute fucking pulp, and Chris Brown is still making records. The allegations/evidence against Amber are NOTHING compared to what Chris was proven beyond a doubt to have done. If this ain’t a clear example of the patriarchy at work idk what is.
Pick Me's are Dangerous! Absolutely. They are often complicit in women and child abuse. R Kelly had a bunch of female assistants who were buying clothes and booking hotel rooms for the minors he picked up at concerts. Yes it's everywhere in our culture, on the left and on the right. Ultra conservative religion AND liberal western media BOTH groom women to sacrifice themselves for maximum male benefit. Almost all large powerful institutions globally are governed by men, that's why it's best for women to be their own moral and socio-political compass to avoid becoming foot soldiers for their own oppression. That's another reason I'm glad we (FDS) left that porn site (becuase that's what re*d*t primarily is).
I saw a news post reporting that a 34 year old man had confessed to murdering his 20 year old wife, and everyone in the comments was joking and laughing about how the title was not the most clearly worded and gave them a different impression. 1, basic reading comprehension makes the meaning of the headline obvious, 2, how can people joke, laugh and poke fun at a journalist when a young woman and her dog have been brutally murdered leaving a baby motherless (and she was groomed from the age of 15)!! It was seriously disturbing and disgusting how normalised male violence is and how little people care.
👏👏👏👏👏
Women laughed at that stabbing story? Are they insane?
Love this post!
Anger is good. It’s an emotion. Make it count.
Love this post!
I always feel angry and sad when I see these things around me now, once your eyes open to misogyny in society it’s all you can see. but Im happy that we have a community of women here who aren’t blind. when it’s comes to dating fds has good ideas and it’s helped me set boundaries and it’s made me become more comfortable with myself. Had I not found this, I’d be still settling for losers that dont care about or respect me. I’ve been dating a guy for about 3 months now and I still vet obviously and there’s no way I would have found someone like him in my pick me days. when I give advice to my friends they think I’m crazy! But I’ve come to realize I’m very much a queen who knows what she’s talking about. 🙌
Good. Be angry. But don't stay angry. Channel that anger into something productive. You can't change anyone, whether that's men or women, so just put yourself #1 in your life.
PREACH!! Depp vs heard was a huge trigger for me. Like with all the propaganda showing her in a terrible light how could anyone NOT SEE that it was a huge effort behind it to FURTH DISCREDIT AND DEFAME HER! the irony, as my fiancé said Depp looks like “and old junkie” because HE IS