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hey everyone! This is on going right now and I'm just so uncomfortable and angry about it I really need to vent !!! Thanks in advance queens :)
So where I am there is a bad hurricane coming, it could require evacuation for floods, so we're all hunkered down. My roommate (R), told me and our other roommates that her boyfriend will be staying with us during the storm. I don't like her boyfriend. I don't think he's a very good dad, he's pretty much homeless, he doesn't have a stable job, he's not able to take care of his pets, he's a mansplainer, he's just not very nice to talk to.... so I made it clear that I am not comfortable with him being here during the storm. My exact words (via text because she wouldn't talk about it in person) were:
Hey I'm a little uncomfortable with HIS NAME staying the whole weekend, especially with the hurricane...Can we talk about it later today ? I'd rather talk about this in person, but in general I'm not really comfortable sharing my space with him if we're cooped up the whole weekend for the hurricane. I don't have a problem with him visiting but in this situation, if we're like unable to leave the house or do / go anywhere bc of hurricane damage I'd rather be in my home with people I am comfortable with.
And she agreed they'd mostly be in her room, except for in the kitchen (that makes sense, no problem).
He came over last night, and I was just uncomfortable so I stayed the night at my friends house and came back this morning. When I got home I went to my room. R came in and said boyfriend wanted to play boardgames with us, and I said that's ok, I'm not really comfortable joining but that's fine. And she EXPLODED. A summary of what she said:
"Whats your deal with him? You're so pathetic, you're such a loser why can't you just be normal with men?" "You're a disgusting and awful human" "you're projecting your daddy issues onto him and it's sad and pathetic" "no wonder your ex said you're hateful (read my other post lol), he was right" "you're not ok with my boyfriend but you're ok with sleeping around?" "You're the worst thing in my life right now" "you're immature (I'm 13 yrs younger than her....)" "you're psychotic for being uncomfortable around him"
And like? I'm not gonna call her names I'm not gonna raise my voice so I just kinda said alright you can think that about me. Thats okay.
The only bad thing i did say was I think he doesn't love his son. Which I hope he does but men that love their kids do NOT move cross country.
But like....I'm just shocked. She said some really hurtful things and I'm really dissapointed in her. :( this happened about 2 hours ago I've just been in my room, cleaning and doing homework.
Thanks for reading :)
Unfortunately this is what Pick Mes are like. They think that because they bend over backwards to accomodate their boyfriends that everyone else (especially women) should too. You have every right to be annoyed. Expecting her boyfriend to stay with you during the storm when he's not contributing any rent (and could even be using up your valuable resources e.g. food and water) is really not acceptable. Given that you're moving in 3 months, your best bet might be to grey rock her and block her number once you've moved. I don't see any point in staying in touch with her. She doesn't seem like a loyal friend.
I distinctly remember liking college until boyfriends started coming over and having fights and shit.
You are not in the wrong, your friend is and I hope that will be your soon tom be ex friend. Because you can't treat people that way. I would be very annoyed if a person brings a scrote boyfriend or even a hvm boyfriend along without asking if it's ok..
This whole story is triggering af. Omg I hate your roommate. When she said that they would mostly hang out in her bedroom - FUCK OFF. NO! I hate how she thinks that's a compromise that you must and will agree to. No. Him being in another bedroom is him BEING IN YOUR HOME. Its not any better! It still means that hes going to pop his head into the common areas repeatedly, unexpectedly, and that means that YOU cant relax in YOUR own home.
He sounds like an absolute loser. Youre RIGHT to not want him there. Your roommate is a male-identified psycho. Maybe drive her crazy so she moves out? Demand the bf shares in the grocery and utility costs if he's going to be homeless and crash at your place all the time. She won't agree to it, but keep demanding.
Let her explode. Let all your roommates see her for who she truly is.
Don't tell me he's eating your food too? Oh hell no.
She's definitely in the wrong here. You respectfully articulated that you're not comfortable being stuck with a man in a house without calling anyone names etc. She's overreacting over the fact that you didn't feel like joining them, which she should've respected as this is also YOUR house and your wellbeing matters just as much. I'd change roommates if I was in that situation because pickme energy is kind of radiating.
If she loves her boyfriend so much, why would she subject him to an awful, disgusting, hateful person who doesn't like him? 🙄
I'm sorry that you have a pickme roommate and glad to know that you'll move out soon. Women being uncomfortable having a man staying over is absolutely normal.
He could be an angel and you still have the rights to not wanting him at your place.
Why can’t she go to his place and hunker down? If he’s got pets he must have a place to lay his head. You’re better than me bc I’d rip her a new one.
I don't know why this is making me so angry on your behalf, but for some reason I want to smack your roommate! Maybe because I hate being backed into a corner and I can feel that in your position, not being able to leave YOUR APARTMENT during the storm because of her dipshit bf feels so invasive, idk. Your apartment should be your safe space and she has made it feel unsafe for you without your permission. bitch.
I think one reason she went off on you may be that she knows you are right in your completely reasonable request that he not stay for the weekend of the storm when you really don't have the option to go elsewhere to escape them, and she is pissy that you are right and she is wrong so she exploded onto you.
The problem with making him pay for food or rent is that then he (and she, likely) will feel like he has a right to be at your place which is not your goal. I guess I don't have any advice for you because you handled it much better than I would have.
This is why I would never want to live with a roommate. You can vet the roommate as well as you want to and get along perfectly with them but you can't control who they bring over and give access to your apartment.
And even if you have a "absolutely no guests under any circumstances, ever"-policy - which most people will not agree to - it's only a matter of time until they want an exception for some scrote or homeless relative or try to sneak them in when you are not there and you can say goodbye to ever having any peace in your own home again.
Tell the landlord that she's bringing someone else in that you're not comfortable with. If she wants a war, give her a war.
Laugh react for the pickme explosion response.