.png)
I....hate to do this, but I really think she's showing her age/generation.
She's repeatedly gone on record about how the unfair labor split between her and Barack almost made her divorce him. I think it must feel all worth it because he became president and Barack doesn't seem like a cheater, but most women who sacrifice like that will not get anywhere near the return.
Women from her era believed that the longevity of a marriage is an example of perseverance and hard work. For them, a long marriage is a measurement for success with no regard to contentment and happiness. Just how misogyny has permeated our culture, so has pickmeism for multiple generations. They were ingrained to believe that divorce and walking away is a form of failure as opposed to being liberating or surrendering. In her situation, she managed to stick with him and be the First Lady of the United States. Perhaps for her this is the ultimate consolation prize for any struggle or strife she experienced in her marriage. But is this the common result for most women? Was it really worth it? It's quite condescending and patronizing to assume women opting to choose their happiness over a relationship that isn't bring them any benefits or peace is "quitting too soon." My grandmother stuck with my grandfather for years and did ALL the work in that marriage, he simply provided a stable steady household income. He ended up dying in a factory accident when she was about 52 and she received a generous payout for a wrongful death lawsuit settlement. While that was nice, she told me that money did not compensate for the years she lost or the several years of misery. She told me, If she could* have all the years she wasted, she would not have wasted them again in such a union.
Yup, this is old person shit. Her situation (and therefore perspective) is an outlier and she's looking back with rosy glasses. Sorry, but I tend to ignore advice from folks in very special or privileged situations.
Fail fast with regards to relationships. Today, the best advice to give young people about relationships is LEAVE. Don't fix it. Don't spend years in counselling. Don't waste your life on a person. Just go.
This kind of ish makes me so freaking mad! Like when people post on social media about how they reached such and such anniversary, and that it's all because they put in the work! Like, ffs do you think I didn't put in enoughwork to try to get my ex to stop beating me and my kids? I didn't put in enough work to get him sober, with all my ultimatums, forcing him into rehab, policing his belongings. How much more WORK was I supposed to put in so I can be as good and wholesome as you?
So the only criteria for a good marriage is longevity and not even happiness... she is a product of her generation. Women are changing and I'm glad. Watching my parents' marriages gave me an extremely bad outlook on what to expect out of relationships and I developed anxiety around commitment truthfully. Good thing is, I didn't last long with partners who didn't treat me the way I wanted to be treated even amidst my low self worth and confidence. Y'all giving us the examples we DON'T want to follow !
Yikes! Young “people” quit too soon, or young WOMEN quit soon enough because they are opening their eyes and leveling up?!
someone like her won’t understand what we’re all saying here.
I'm not American but from what I’ve seen and assume Barack seems to be a good husband and seems to love Michelle a lot. Or at least this is how the two portray their relationship.
but who gets her kind of pay off?! Basically no one. She thought about divorce a long time before he was president but decided to stick with it and she got to be First Lady. if she never got the things she had with him in the end you know she’d be sitting around being sad that she wasted her time for all those years. Those years seem great to her because of the pay off she received.
us ladies here and in general will never see that kind of return for our hard work
“Young people quit too soon”. Don’t rock the boat. It’s a partnership. It’s equality. It’s 50/50. Why should women stay to figure out the relationship dynamic, when it becomes apparent thier no longer happy or feel obligated to continue. Never trust any relationship advice that isn’t grounded in material reality for girls and women. That doesn’t touch upon male pattern violence/behavior/ entitlement/ misogyny. These are all things women have to navigate with collectively and socially. And so should inform any dating or relationship advice..
sounds like a desperate coping mechanism. i get her because they basically built a couple brand by "sticking together despite it all blah blah" but on the other hand, i hope she sleeps well on the bed she's made for years.
You ever notice that there's a discrepancy when older generations define proper quitting? With relationships, or work. If a young person quits their job, they may be seen as lazy. If we break up with someone, then we're not putting in the effort.
I can't speak on behalf of the older generations. I'm sure they had legitimate reasons to leave their jobs and spouses. But the big thing is related to privilege (in Michelle's case) or the simple "rules for thee but not for me". I mean, hasn't everyone heard a proper revenge story from a boomer against their boss?
In general, people aren't ending their relationships because they felt like it. They don't wake up one day and say "eh". Especially when we are so engrained as women to be told that relationships are end-all-be-all. In fact, I just read a tweet I might post later about women caring too much about their partner's mental health. So I can assure you that the problem is not apathy (for women), it's not quitting too soon. We are noticing that we can be independent, and that men are not stepping up when they should be.
In the end, I think about when I was very young and my boomer parents were arguing in front of me. I asked my father why he fought with my mother all the time, and he said that's just what married people do, they joke about hating each other. I told my father I'd wouldn't get married then, and he looked at me incredulously. Maybe we were sold on Disney, but then what the fuck is the point? Status? Darling, you don't look up to people you pity.
There is absolutely something to be said for the idea that healthy relationships are not sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. Two people that love and respect each other will fight for each other and the relationship. They wont turn tail on the delusion that they’re destined for a situation where everything is pleasant and easy every moment.
Yeah, sorry Michelle, but I’m not going to get relationship advice from a 1% who resented her role in her husband’s life but stays and plays the game for that sweet 1%. Nah lady.
What about her identity as someone other than a caregiver/sahm etc? She was a self made lawyer… and what did she end up doing with her life? She was portrayed as a sort of super trophy wife. Why couldn’t she have run for the presidency? Imagine that - a black WOMAN president. NOPE.