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You are still centering all your thoughts, you actions, your life around what this proverbial HVM would like or not like.
You are still putting that man on a pedestal, and make him the center of your universe.
You are still desperate for this man and want to be picked by him.
You are still acting like the chaser, not the chooser. You are still the egg that chase the sperm.
Yes, HVMs are rare. Yes, good men is hard to come by - so what?
You are the woman, you are the chooser, you are the one he needs - not the other way around.
You are perfectly fine, happy and healthy all by yourself. You are a complete ice cream on your own and every man wants to be the proud cherry to your ice cream.
You couldn't even care less - you only will allow the best of the best to make you even happier than you already are. If they all fail to live up to your expectation? Well, no loss here. You live happily, like usual.
In life, you will stumble upon a potential good man here and there - but if you are still stuck in a pickme mode, either of these two things will happen:
You get careless with your vetting and start getting too invested in him. You start doing all the mommy bangmaid wifey barb the builder pickme stuff just to make sure he stays interested in you. But as time passes, you realize he might not be that much of a good man like you initially thought. Hence the posts after posts about "The man I initially thought was HV suddenly change".
He is a great guy - and you start feeling threatened because just like how you can see that he is a great guy - other women can see it too. And some of those women are far younger and prettier than you. So you start getting insecure, jealous, suspicious of other women, and start mate-guarding aggressively. While also start doing all the mommy bangmaid wifey barb the builder pickme stuff just to make sure he stays interested in you. You are leading yourself into a well of toxicity. That won't end good.
Yes, you want a loving husband. Yes, you want kids and a happy family. Yes, you deserve being treated with love and care after all the shitty shit you have been through. FDS wants that for you too.
But FDS core motivation has never been about "How to find and chain a HVM to me forever" - it is about you.
Maximizing your benefits while still making dating enjoyable and safe for you.
Teaching you to vet so firmly and ruthlessly so that only the cream of the crop, the best of the best man can pass through and be allowed to court you properly.
Removing all the lifelong patriarchy brainwashing from your mind and make you understand what it means to be a chooser, a genuine High Value Woman.
It is not about the HVM and what he thinks. Never was, never will be.
Stay safe.
Preach! I honestly think this kind of goes towards those posts about HV hobbies for woman as well. I don't think you should take up a hobby for the sole reason that someone else told you that it was "high value." I definitely see how it takes more effort to write a film script than it does to watch a Netflix show and it's different to read a book rather than write the book, however I think we also need to take a Marie Kondo attitude to our hobbies. Is this Netflix show STILL bringing me joy as I don't move to stop it from going to the next episode, or am I actually bored now? Am I tired from work and would rather read a book or journal than write poetry? Is what I am doing right now making me happy, adding value to my life, and bringing me towards my goals? Those are the questions we must ask. As for me, I don't have a lot of "active" hobbies right now but I also work and am in grad school so all I have the mental bandwith for is exercise, reading books, television, and spending time with friends. I think that life will look different when I graduate and just have a job to worry about but in the mean time, I am not judging myself or forcing myself to pick up hobbies just to say that I do certain things and impress people.
Thank you for this post 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 the posts that are like "will a hvw/hvm love this" are so cringey to me. Just be your best, unproblematic self 😭 It just gives me the vibe of those femininity coaches that are like "if you wear neutral/pink colors, have no tattoos or piercings, only do girly things and wear your hair long and straight...you'll only attract rich, HV men" ugh pipe down 🙄. Conforming yourself to aesthetics and hobbies that you could care less about is a surefire way to fail
Excellent reminder!
Personally, I am very leery of the whole HV/LV anything. It's a hammer that nails everyone and everything these days and for the wrong reasons.