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My sister in law is a shy and sweet “kid” (23) and she’s currently planning her wedding to her fiancée.
Her fiancée is a little odd and way to lazy for my liking. I’ve always noticed that they don’t seem very “in love”. Watching my parents in laws, they always seem to banter and flirt and stir each other up and it’s really cute, they also show each other physical affection when appropriate. I’m the same with my partner. I’ve never seen them look at each other or touch each other (this has been for years). He also doesn’t seem to care about her safety or comfort (he doesn’t car how she gets home or back her car, or if she is warm enough etc.) My partner, her other brother and her father fuss all over their respective partners, her fiancée seems like he’s on a different planet.
They don’t seem to spend anytime together, they don’t go on dates or even eat a meal at home together of an evening.
He throws in casual sexist comments. They were visiting and my partner made everyone a coffee and he asked why I wasn’t making everyone coffee cause that’s my job. My partner loves to cook and I like his cooking and I like watching him cook. Comments have been made about him cooking and not me.
With engagement rings, it’s a “family tradition” to have one custom made. (Mother in law, other brothers wife and mine are all custom made) I’ve always thought sister in laws ring looked cheap, I knew it wasn’t custom made, I always kinda hope that it was just in my head, that it looked very pandora like. Turns out it’s from pandora. My heart broke for her.
She feels that she can’t do better. It blows my mind that someone who’s had such loving, strong male role models could not see her own value.
The one disadvantage of being used to having good male role models all around is that maybe being so well-protected makes it easier to remain naive. After all, in her limited experience, men has never been bad, so why would she approach a relationship with one with any caution whatsoever?
Having a cheating father was not a fun thing to go through, but I do credit it with getting rid of my naivete. Most people end up learning through painful personal experience, I was no exception to that. I consider it relatively fortunate that I didn't have to learn later in life, by getting in a bad relationship myself.
Ok so your partner and his dad see this and they are saying and doing nothing about it. Why? Why they are not trying to protect your SIL? Why they don't speak up? Why you are the one left to wonder what to do about it?
Sadly, it can take decades for a woman to understand her value. I hope your SIL learns faster and less painfully than most.
Send her flowers for Valentine's Day. I saw that suggestion in this forum some time ago. I bet he doesn't even do that for her. Hopefully she'll see that if her own sister in law cares enough about her to send her flowers on a day MEANT FOR ROMANCE, she'll realize she deserves better than his good-for-nothin' ass!
If Valentine's Day is too far away, maybe send her a care package to let her know you're thinking of her. Something like that.
Good luck!