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Maybe it's a sign of my own internalized misogyny? I'm not sure, I hope not. I expect bullshit from men and maybe I'm becoming more biased because I've made a very concentrated effort to limit the amount of men i come into contact with. So I'm just not seeing male bullshit as much anymore because I've trained myself to immediately discard their opinion.
I see a shitty red pill title? Click Not interested. Idiot tries to talk me? They get a short close ended non response. Try to go in my dms? Blocked and ignored.
But the women in my life both offline and online are starting to drive me nuts. I didn't think it would be this hard to surround yourself with women who are also pro woman.
I'm noticing that pickmes harshly criticizing other women and it fills me with rage. I'm tired of seeing them immediately labelling other women insecure for feeling any negative human emotions ever and I'm sick of them condescendingly suggesting therapy
Like they're not suggesting because it would be good for you..it's their way of insinuating that there's something fundamentally wrong with you and you need to go fix it before trying to reenter society.
I noticed two forms of extreme pickmeism. The first being the hyper feminine traditional patriarchal kind that jump at every opportunity to call other women a bad wife or mother. And the "not like other girls" kind who reject femininity to be like "one of the guys".
I just saw a bunch of women scold another because she tried to set boundaries with her boyfriends "best friend" who was a woman trampling over boundaries by calling him at 1am
Now both of them in the situation were wrong. The "best friend" for disrespecting that relationship and the girlfriend for not going straight to her boyfriend about the problem since he was the one entertaining the entire thing. He should've been the one telling his "best friend" to back off.
I scrolled down to the comments to see some common sense only to be met with a bunch of pickmes saying the girlfriend "isn't a wife" so she basically needs to know her place and that the boyfriend doesn't need to cut off this disrespectful woman best friend of his.
Wtf? Like why do they spin EVERY situation to be the woman's fault? Yet when patriarchy comes to bite pickmes in the ass you'll be the first one they cry to about their low value boyfriend treating them like trash.
They only value women's help after getting burnt by the men you've continuosly warned them about. And it's like I can't escape it. My mom is a pickme, my sister is a pick me, my grandma is a pickme. My aunts are too. My best friend is one to an extent.
With my best friend she'll defend women which is great. But then bragged about "bagging" an older man like he's the prize when he's not. He got charged for illegal possession of a firearm, he has a bad temper, and is extremely controlling.
He groomed her from when she was a teenager and now that she's financially reliant on him, she can't just leave. There's nothing I can do unfortunately because she thinks this guy is the one for her. She deserves so much better but now she's stuck and I have no money to help her get away.
This is all so horrible. I don't think have any women in my life who aren't at least minimally male centered and it's so disappointing. I'm getting tired of watching women tear apart other women's bodies knowing how painful it is..
Im getting tired of them making mother's feel bad about every single thing they do.. especially if it's a single mom doing what she can. I'm tired of pickmes blaming women for men's shitty behavior then crying when it's their turn for the disrespect
I guess this is more of a rant than anything. I feel like I'm a bit naive. This is the only place I know will understand. I've always wanted to see a genuine sisterhood and I'm realizing just how hard it's going to be to find it 😭
I feel you. Male supremacy only exists because women uphold it too #sorrynotsorry
i see you, girl. i feel something similar too. it's lonely out here, surrounded by pickmes and scrotes.
the thing about decentering men is: women's bs become more perceptable.
don't try to save your pickme friend. don't be a hero. focus on your own journey. she'll learn the hard way.
maybe take a break from social media? i have no social media except for linkedin because i have too (eyeroll) and it's already annoying enough. but i avoid a lot of negative stuff just by being social media free.
I don't have much in the line of advice but I can relate. All of the women in my life are pick mes in one form or another. I tend to cut out the toxic ones, like my aunt who publicly single shamed me at my cousin's funeral, and I keep the harmless ones in my life but I don't get too close. I don't confide in them about personal stuff and I don't talk to them about relationships or problems with men because I know they're only going to give advice that would benefit the man in the situation and not me.
When you level up, sometimes things slip through the cracks and try to ruin your carefully-curated sanctuary.
I relate completely. My pickme relative drives me nuts, blocking her almost never feels enough. Her (cheating) BF just dumped her again so now she's acting like a p*rnstar / sugar baby on IG (despite being broke). This girl used to brag about how her "body count", boobs, popularity, etc is better than mine and other women, and she'd recklessly get STDs and abortions. Her pickme rants give me second-hand embarrassment/cringe, like how she spends her nights "attracting all the men" by sitting on their laps at bars to "claim" them...
I can easily brush off LVM but pickmes eat away at me a bit! I think it's their ignorance- I expect women to be better than this.
Yes, this is how the patriarchy stays strong, by convincing women they have no choice but to play along. And if women struggle to stand on their own financially, they won’t do anything to risk their own survival - which includes overlooking horrible male behavior and blaming women for everything. My sister is the only non-pickme in my real life.
I stay encouraged by reading radfem literature and by following radfems online. This helps me feel less alone, and that I’m not crazy for seeing what I see. A few good choices are:
When God Was a Woman - Merlin Stone (a woman author)
Oppressed Histories Archives - online and on social media. Max Dashu (again a women) historian
Anything by Andrea Dworkin
Melanie Hamlett - YouTuber
Old FDS Reddit posts & podcasts - a great source of encouragement!
I just had to cut off an ex high school acquaintance because she refused to cut off a blatant rapist.
I haven't even felt all the rage yet. The last post I saw from her was them all hugging, even though he calls her fat behind her back and makes fun of her.
Pickmes get what they get.
It might be the area you live in the country/world. Misogyny is a worldwide issue, unfortunately, and some places are worse than others.
I agree with folks who suggest being selective with the media you consume so you don't get burned out on all the negativity.
Try to see these women in need of guidance and inspire them to do better for themselves by leading as the example. You could study radical feminist rhetoric to help break down certain phenomena that they probably don't even realize is happening in their lives.
Remember to meet people where they're at for change to be effective...And disappointment will happen sometimes, it's unavoidable. Once you accept that, you won't even worry about it. You'll just have faith in yourself to handle it when it inevitably happens. 🙂↕️
I'm sorry, it sounds like you are having a hard time. I often feel very left-out from the heteropatriarchal bullshit that so many women seem enamored by. It's hard to be friends with people sometimes when they are so dickmatized by skeezy losers. But, there are tons of good women out there to be friends with, you just have to know where to find them. I'm not sure what your hobbies are but it might be good to find some social events in your town that are women-only. I've found books to be a nice escape as well, when real life is a disappointment. Hang in there.
The silver lining I guess is that maybe things are slowly moving in the right direction. Main example are the women in the baby boomer generation and prior. My grandmother, my husbands mother, and his aunt all were so conditioned as all women then were, that men are Gods. Women were nothing if they didnt have a man and even little girls were much less than the boys. Not in 7 even 8 entire decades have they learned this is bullshit.
I used to have a "friend" that turned out to be a backstabbing pick-me. She thought she was the cool girl, yeah even in her mid 40s same mindset. She thought she was one of the guys in the huge friend group my husband has known since childhood. If only she knew the way I've heard some of them talk about her.
That just hasn't been my experience. If anything, the women I know who are male-centered (even the predatory ones) are very unaware and don't realize how many societal norms and concepts in the media subtly fuel internalized misogyny and don't see how only men benefit from hating their fellow woman (they think they're the ones benefitting but it's because they still prioritize patriachal values that hurt them, eventually).
Not trying to invalidate your experience, though. I believe you, I've just only dealt with the opposite. And I guess because of that, I feel seasoned enough to not fear what the predators may do to me...Most predators operate from the same blueprint so when you figure one out, it gets easier to predict their tactics.