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We have been friends for about ten years, but For the last year we have been super close, and she became my best friend.
We are from the same hometown, but I’ve moved from there six years ago. She has moved to the same city I’ve been lived for the last four years around a month ago.
Last time we saw each other was June/2021 when I went to my hometown to visit my family, and we went to a bar for drinks, and it was super chill and fun. We talk literally everyday, she has been there for me on rough times, same as me for her. She is one of the few people who knows my plans for the future career-wise, I helped her to get stronger and look for a new job before she had a burnout on her previous job, and so on. This is just to clarify the kind of close relationship we have.
about a month ago she moved to where I live now for her new job, and we met last Saturday to catch up in person after more than one year.
Queens, I got HORRIFIED with her behavior. Thanks to FDS I have been focused on myself, my career, and my codependency patterns, which left me little time and interest on dating, and more awareness on the attitudes of others - quit drinking helped me a lot on that as well.
First, we were at this bar with live music, and as soon as she got there and sat she said “I see the average age here is 60 haha”. I didn’t get the point but let it pass.
Around 30min later a group of 3 guys on their 25 (we are both 32) walked behind our table on their way out of the bar and she said “NICE!!! The only heterosexual young guys in this place just left”. I thought “how is this a problem?”. Then I started paying closer attention to her. As soon as we got up to leave a group of guys approached us, and I got annoyed, but she engaged with them. She ended kissing the one who gave her more attention while I was talking to the other two about the neighborhood, since they were from another city.
She exchanged numbers with the guy and We left to go to another bar down the street, and got into a second one.
She was tipsy already, and started flirting with another guy, who was investing in a girl from his own group of friends, but of course engaged on the flirting. This girl left, and she was not even on her uber yet and the second guy came to talk to my friend - just for her to dump him because he ended kissing the girl from the group before she left, and my friend was pissed.
At this point I was trying to have fun dancing but ready to leave, looking at the time to catch the subway before it closed and go home.
My friend was more on the drunk side, and started criticizing every girl who was around us - their clothes, their hair, their style.
I was getting annoyed and decided to leave. She said she was leaving as well. As soon as we got at the door we saw it was raining heavily, and I asked her if she could ask her uber to drop me off at the subway station, as it was a 15min walk, and she told me guy number one was at a bar one block up and texted her to go there to meet him. And she went. She said she was going there but was not going to his hotel afterwards because she had a bad UTI and couldn’t have sex. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to meet him, she said yes and left, and I came home.
I am so surprised by all of this! We have spent the last year talking daily, exchanging voice messages on whatsapp about our families, friends, aspirations, and she never sounded like a pick me. Idk if she was acting like this because she has gained weight and I know it affects her self-esteem and probably she was using the guys to reinforce she is still attractive (same reason why she was criticizing the other girls). I get that. But I don’t want that every time we go out it turns out on a hunting game. When she was not flirting with a random guy she was texting someone from OLD while I was in front of her!
Can I save my best friend? Should I re-evaluate our friendship?
TL;DR: best friend has turned into a pickmeisha, invited me to go out but ended up spending the whole night chasing guys
Oof, poor girl sounds frantic for dick. Doesn't drinking with a UTI make it worse? She butted into a group of strangers conversation to hit on a taken man? That's some dudely behavior lol. Or did she not know he was taken until he kissed his gf goodbye? In that case he sucks and should be ignored.
Hopefully this is just a passing phase because she's feeling insecure about herself. I know what its like to be gobsmacked by a girlfriend. My strong, independent, single mom with trade skills girlfriend has a "boyfriend" and they are "open." Aka they are just fuck buddies but she wants it to be more. She flat out told me that she doesn't like it - him having other women. But she also really didn't like me naming them fuck buddies, so i just tread carefully by keeping the topic away from boundaries and saying "No." Not having boundaries got her an Almost relationship, or situationship, after all.
You don’t need to drop your friend but limit your outings to activities or places where she can’t be hunting for men all the time … god I would be annoyed if my friends did that to me. We go as a group, no one leaves the group for any guy and we go home as a group.
She lives near you and you're really close. Only pick activities that are predominately female is my advice lol. Make it hard for her to find dick to chase and hopefully you'll get that more valuable 1 on 1 time with her you're used to. Definitely no more bar hopping.
She sounds deeply insecure, I kind of feel for her