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I'm pretty disappointed in my mom. I love the lady but lately she's been showing more and more that she has a pick me mindset.
She encourages playing mind games in relationships and i can't agree with it.
First, she's been dating a childhood friend that's married for about 4 years now. She's noticed other "red flags" such as his annoying pedantic behavior but overlooked the main thing which is ya know, he's married.
She took his side in beginning and said she's doing nothing wrong because he was "on his way out" whether she was there or not.
Only more recently did she begin to say that she now sees why there could be problems in their relationship that has more to do with her bf and not the woman he was married to.
Because she's sick of his shenanigans she's been entertaining other men and is planning to meet up with one for business purposes but talks every day about how she has a crush on him and how she feels like a school girl.
She admitted to gaslighting and playing mind games with her bf because he "deserves it" for wasting 4 years of her time..
Not gonna lie, this has caused me to lose a great deal of respect for her. At least in terms of relationships. So Im never taking any sort of advice from her regarding relationships ever again.
However, lately I'm seeing all this advice from pick mes on marriage, femininity, how to be high value when and then they describe low value behavior.
I'm pretty inexperienced so I just feel naive. And others make me feel naive when I say things like it's not okay for men to ogle other women..
When I talked about this with my mom it ended in her saying that she'd be fine with her man going to strip club and that it's just entertainment.
Yet she went quiet when I said how would her man feel if she did something like that. She just said she has no interest. Really?
I feel down about this. So many women have accept bullshit and it's sad that they will go on and gaslight you into think this is normal, healthy, and to be expected. Any thoughts or advice?
one of the worst, and trickiest, things about pickmes imposing their standards (or lack of! ha!) on you, in my mind, is that it is ever so subltly GASLIGHTING. And gaslighting makes you question your own standards, wishes, desires, needs, thoughts, perception, reality etc. It's totally messed up.
It really is a poison. I used to think this was harsh when I was younger, but the truth is, if you take in a little bit of poison it just kills you slower. So I have a pretty air tight no-tolerance policy, these days.
Obviously I can't control ALL interactions I have in my life. But I get them (pick mes) OUT OUT OUT of my inner circle. You HAVE TO make that commitment to yourself, every day, again and again. The world will continually tell you that you want too much, to lower your standards etc etc. The world is lying.
And reaching out like you are doing here, or to other people that you trust that can help remind you of the TRUTH, is very important. It's something that never ends, unless or until you succumb to it. You have to fight and take a stand for, your standards, for ever. Most of it is in inside job, but external boundaries are key, too.
If it's family, I would just not be having those conversations about men with her any more, at a minimum.
I don't know your mother or your relationship, so I can't make any comments beyond that.
Finally, I celebrate you for having the awareness to SEE this! Essential to be able to counter it.