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Today, I found a love note that my ex wrote to me on my birthday. He was the first person I ever loved. I guess I did not have the heart to throw it out along with my the stuff he gave me.
Reading it again, it felt like any other note people would write me; it just wasn’t special anymore. Before reading it, I got a bit nervous, and thought I was going to spiral. I used to cherish it and token his words as gospel. Now, it’s like meh 🫤. It wasn’t anything special and tbh it was generic. It’s in the trash and hopefully, I never see anything that f his again.
It made me realize just how little he had to do to make me fall in love with him. But also, it made me realize how low my standards were at the time.
I hope I never become like this ever again. I guess this is what healing feels and looks like.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I am doing some spring cleaning and have tossed out almost all of the low-effort gifts from my ex. Good riddance. It's good to not be hanging on anymore. Wishing you some good healing going forward.
So glad you were able to look back and see how much growth you’ve done! That is worth celebrating.
Please don’t be hard on yourself: we are socialized from birth to fall in love with men, believe in romance and give men the benefit of the doubt. It takes courage and self-compassion to let go of the myths.
Well done. ❤️
I did the same thing recently... There were quite a few apology love letters...But I found one confrontation email with me confronting him lol. Looking back he basically answering with yup I'm an asshole with no integrity, I don't even like myself, I put most things before you, I will probably continue to hurt everyone (who is everyone??) you are great and deserve better (but I'm still happy to have access to you, in so many words) You're always my blood (huh???), I love you.
I was mad as hell that night but tell me why I woke up second guessing myself and wondering if I had overreacted, basically apologizing 🤮🤮🤮 and saying it was a sweet message. I really let these guys destroy my self esteem and perception of reality man. I blame it on loneliness. And being used to people ignoring/minimizing my feelings.
Looking back at other messages I had with friends and different exes over the years, I had always, even at a very young age been so emotionally intelligent and mature. I always explained my feelings clearly and how I got there, and then listened trying to meet them halfway (really only the women were able to even begin to communicate in this way), dodging insults & considering harsh criticisms even. Everyone says they want real honest connections but they will tear someone like me up and take our sensitivity/openness for weakness. I guess what I learned is to always trust my perception. Emotions are a type of intellingence, aka intel, aka valuable information. Sorry for the tangent.
I'm so proud of you ❤️