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Where do we find HVWs for female friendships?
I recently went back to grad school and became quite frustrated with the women that I‘d love to befriend - none of them pass my vetting.
I apply FDS principles to my female friendships as well, and my standards isn’t even that high. It is just how I treat my friends, such as following through plans, understanding etiquettes and social cues, being supportive, etc.
However, one is flaky and cancel plans last minute, one literally steals my idea and trades support with strings attached, one is not as enthusiastic with the friendship and kind of one-sided, one gossips a lot and lacks discretion.
Learning from past fall-out, I am now selective with who I let into my life, including female friends. But I am beyond frustrated to find one that meets my bare minimum.
Where do I find y’all? Does it have something to do with my male-dominated field of work? Where do I meet strong women who aren’t pickmes and generally decent? Should I befriend older women?
Sometimes I “let things slide” and get closer to one of them, only to be disappointed again and again :(
I agree with other commenters suggesting clubs and hobbies. Anything that requires consistent effort and tending to for delayed gratification will likely attract more HV people. Of course that’s not a guarantee, but it’s a reflection of a conscientious personality.
I expanded my social circle this year and met friends through clubs of hobbies of mine. They are mostly plants, nature, environmental type clubs. Meeting them was such a breath of fresh air because they have been so empathetic and supportive compared to my ex friends. Ive rationalized it to- The people that advocate for the environment are generally kind and caring people. Maybe find organizations/clubs that interest you and would attract others that are HV. I am planning on grad school in the future and worried about navigating people there. Congrats on getting into grad school, all the luck queen 👑
We're in the same boat! I don't have advice but I do know they are out there. Right now, I'm just attending workshops and book clubs and see how it goes. 😊
Urgh, I have the same problem, especially with relationships. I realized I give women more discretion than men, and it always leads me to disappointment or heartbreak.
Highly suggest spending time with yourself and finding your hobbies, interests likes and dislikes. I understand your frustration, when going to grad school most women would be my intellect level so having convo with them was fun but they don't follow up after the initial meets or don't stick around long term. Also avoid women who cling onto you by forcing their friendships onto you, they usually have a vantage point or agenda you aren't seeing upfront. Those relationships never end up well. Ideal HVW to meet would be outside of that arena, in areas you least expect and some of the best friendships come when there is enough effort put from both parties and you aren't forcing each other, playing petty games. Its highly unlikely to meet grad school women play that but they are masters of ghosting because they lack social skills to maybe end a conversation polietly
Are you me? 😂 I’ve been trying for months in a new city to make friends and I am hitting my head against a brick wall! I would probably fail on the social cues part because I’m autistic but I’ve noticed that I try much harder than all of these supposedly socially capable people around me. I have been loud and proud about the fact that I am looking for a group of gal pals (I’m also trying to ensure I don’t end up with male orbiters for friends). I find something to compliment, I try to have a conversation. It’s not always flowing but annoyingly I keep only getting to and fros from men. I have found every single woman that I’ve tried to be friends with to be flaky or they would chat nicely at first and then ghost me after a few messages. I literally met one women who said she’d love to go to the theatre, told me “I don’t have fb” and said she used insta but then didn’t tell me what her handle was. I gave up. Trying to make new friends is like pulling teeth. I don’t have any advice for you. I read articles on making friends before, but I find they don’t (1) acknowledge neurodiversity (2) mention how emotionally draining it is to try.